Lamb On The Lam In The City
by tiffknee
Summary: Edward Cullen is a seemingly selfish unfeeling musician who makes a living playing in bars, what happens when his sister in laws cousin, Bella moves into the city and refuses to accept his emotionless act.
1. A Save Situation

**A/N:** Big thanks to my lovely beta** MadeleineJade**

**Read, Review and Enjoy!**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

I was woken from my dreams by a loud banging on the door followed by yelling that I could only assume to be Jake's roommates and friends.

"Jakeypoo, Hells Bells, time to wake upppp!" yelled the group

I growled at the door and climbed over Jacob's sleeping form. I stomped my feet all the way to the door and flung it open, making sure to display my annoyance and anger across my face. "If you don't shut the hell up, I WILL be forced to hurt you!"

I was met by a chorus of howling laughter and chuckling. "WHAT is so funny?!" I yelled.

"Nice outfit there Bella!" replied Quil as he looked me up and down followed by a nod.

"What are you…" mid-sentence, I glanced down to realize I was only wearing my underwear and one of Jake's T-shirts which showed off much more leg than I would have liked. The only reaction I could muster was a growl as I slammed the door in their faces. As I turned around, strong, warm arms wrapped around my waist.

"Your friends suck," I mumbled into his chest.

"Oh come on honey, they're just messin'," he replied as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Well they just got quite the show since they saw me like this!" I said as I pushed Jake away and made a sweeping hand motion up and down my body.

Jacob growled and stalked towards the door. He flung it open and I caught a glimpse of the worried looks on the boys' faces.

_Oh they were so going to get it now! _

He slammed the door closed and I could hear Quil yelling something about "Just kidding," before I heard a loud crash, which I presumed to be the start of a wrestling match. I chuckled to myself for the indirect payback that I had inflicted as I pulled on a pair of shorts and sandals.

Today was the end of summer bonfire down at First Beach, which I learned was a Quileute tradition, not the end of summer part but the bonfires. Every time something began or ended there was a bonfire, if someone got a new job, graduated school, got a new car, there was a bonfire. In my year with Jake I had been to more bonfires then I liked but every time I'd protest, Jake would mention something about wanting me to take part in the traditions of his tribe which would work on me every time. What could I say? I was a sucker for guilt trips.

After arriving on the beach I grabbed my blanket and trusty copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ and made my way to the fallen tree that kept me company on most of my trips here since the activities usually consisted of things Chief Swan would have a heart attack if I participated in (which would also result in a hospital trip). I laid the blanket down and removed my shoes before I sat down with my back against the tree. I must have gotten lost in the world of Elizabeth Bennett because I was up to the part of Mr. Collins' arrival when a large amount of sand found its way onto my blanket. I looked up to see Jake standing before me with an irritated look upon his face.

"Are you going to join us or are you just going to sit on your ass reading that book?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes at his apparent frustration. "I'm sorry I don't feel like diving off a cliff to my death or going surfing in freezing water," I replied.

"You know Bells, I don't even know why you bother coming. All my friends think you're stuck up because all you ever do is separate yourselves from us."

I threw my book down beside me and stood up as tall as I could. "Listen, Jacob, I come to these things because YOU always give me some damn guilt trip about tribe pride and all that bullshit!" I yelled.

"Shut up, Bella! You KNOW that this is important to me! It's not just some bullshit! I don't even know why I bother trying to explain things to you!" he yelled back.

By this time some of the boys had started to make their way towards us, unaware of the heated argument we were in.

"Why don't you just find yourself a Quileute girl to fuck then! Then you won't have to explain anything! As a matter of fact, I think Leah is single!" I ground out through my teeth as I gathered up my things. I pushed passed Jacob and was met with the curious eyes of five boys. "Sorry, boys, I just don't feel welcome here right now," I explained as I glared back at Jake.

"Aw, don't be like that Bella! Jake may be a dick but we love you!" Seth replied.

"S'okay Seth, I need my sleep tonight anyway since I start work early tomorrow." I gave him an apologetic smile before making my way to my truck. Once settled into the cab I let out a frustrated scream and banged my head against the steering wheel causing the horn to honk. "Great," I mumbled as I noticed most heads on the beach turned to stare at me. I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot as fast as I could.

By the time I got home I wasn't even mad at Jake anymore. I expected his reaction because it was the same thing every time. In the year we were together, he never seemed to get the fact that I was not a risk-taker, I did not do anything where the outcome was uncertain. Call me a coward, but I always liked to have all of my ducks in a row. When Jacob arrived home that night we didn't discuss the fight or even talk much, he made me dinner and we sat and ate while we watched reruns of CSI. We crawled into bed that night, and as we exchanged _I love you's_, I wondered if this is what the rest of my life would be like and if it was going to be, would I be happy? Not just okay with it but truly happy.

I awoke earlier than normal and immediately felt a twinge of guilt for the thoughts I had before I fell asleep, Jacob loved me more than anyone ever had, and I'd be a fool to let that go. The alarm went off and I decided that now was as good a time as any to get out of bed. Before I could roll to my side, Jacob had curled up to me and pressed his head on my chest; he wiggled into my side and let out a small content sigh.

"Good morning, lady," he mumbled.

I put my arm around him and took a deep breath appreciating his scent and the feeling of complete bliss and comfort I was feeling despite the doubts I fell asleep to. I gingerly pushed him off and climbed out of bed to begin preparing for my least favorite task of the day, leaving him.

Ever since I got my associates degree, Charlie had backed off on the rules, finally realizing that at twenty years old, I had a pretty good handle on life. Well, that and he found my birth control. I shuddered at the thought of that horribly awkward conversation, but Charlie decided that if we were being responsible then it made no sense to try and prevent us from being alone because with or without his permission we'd find a way. Thus, was the reason why I slept at Jacob's last night, just like I had done almost every night since Charlie gave his blessing. At this point I had more clothes here than at Charlie's.

I got dressed in my uniform that I laid out the night before so I could wait until the last minute to wake up. I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee and was startled to find one of Jake's roommates, Embry, already in the kitchen, absentmindedly staring into the fridge.

"You're up early!" I commented as I went through the motions of making coffee, making sure to make extra for Embry because he looked like he needed it.

"Yeah, long night," he muttered while grabbing a carton of eggs out of the fridge.

I turned to Embry with an apologetic smile on my face. "About yesterday…I'm sorry if I was a bitch."

"Nah. Jake was a dick, Bells, I would never be mad at you for wanting to keep yourself out of danger. It's bad enough that you're prone to accidents in normal day to day situations, I would hate to think what could happen to you were cliff diving," he laughed.

"Thanks for understanding, Embry," I said as I patted him on the back.

After putting my coffee in my thermos, I grabbed my bag and headed back to Jacob's room. Opening the door slightly, I smiled at his half awake state.

"Jake, I'm leaving for work. I'm going to stay at Charlie's tonight, but I'll call you later," I said as I made my way into his room.

"Hug?" He held up his arms for me, and I walked over to him and leaned over him and gave him as much of a hug as this awkward position would allow.

"Smooch?" He puckered his lips and I gave him a quick kiss.

This was our routine, and every time, it would make me want to jump back into bed and just call in sick on the world. But today my boss so kindly scheduled me for an 8am shift and as much as I hated to admit it, I loved my job.

Thirty minutes later, I arrived at The Daily Grind, the coffee shop that was my home away from home as well as my place of employment. My cousin Rosalie had gotten me the job through the owner(her husband), Emmett Cullen, who had moved to New York City to expand the business. This was a bold move since his only other location was the one in Forks, but according to Rose, business was booming in New York.

Rose and I had been as thick as thieves growing up. Her mom was Renee's older sister and let's just say that Rose and I had a deep understanding of what it meant to be raised by a Dwyer woman. Rose would visit us from New York for 2 weeks every summer. It was my secret dream to move to New York City and live with Rose while living out every small town girl's big city dreams. That was why, on a whim, I decided to apply for my Bachelors Degree at NYU for the upcoming spring semester. Honestly, the chances of my getting in were slim, but if it happened then I could just work at The Daily Grind there and get a small apartment with Rosalie. I had addressed the application so that my rejection letter would arrive at TDG instead of Charlie's or Jake's because I didn't want to have to explain why I was receiving mail from NYU and cause unnecessary drama.

The morning shift was always slow and I began to revisit my commitment thoughts from the previous night. Being only twenty, it was a little premature to think about marrying Jacob, but we'd been together for a year and if I planned on being with him any longer then we had better be going somewhere. These were the best years of my life and if I was going to give them up to be in a relationship with Jacob then I'd rather know I wasn't wasting my time. Sometimes I wondered what my life would be like if I hadn't let Jessica drag me to LaPush that fateful night.

***

Jessica had convinced me against my better judgment to accompany her to La Push to hang out with a good friend of mine, Seth Clearwater. For god knows what reason, I had decided to push the two together. They were both single and in want of a significant other. I had just come out of a bad relationship and the last thing I wanted was another stupid boyfriend. Seth's friend had his own apartment and they wanted us to hang out with them.

Seth greeted us at the front door and led us to the second floor of the two-family house. The man standing against the sink with a beer in hand, which I assumed was Seth's friend, smiled at me.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I introduced myself as I reached my hand out to shake his.

"Hey Bella, I'm Jacob," he responded as he grasped my tiny hand in his giant one and shook once.

Seth and Jessica had taken off some time during the night to do god knows what while Jacob and I sat on his front porch, we talked for a few hours about nothing and everything and mutually agreed that the best way to learn about someone was through their iPod and choices in music. We huddled together, an earphone in my right and one in his left as we scrolled through my iPod together.

"Fenix Tx? Really, Bella?!" he asked as his body shook with laughter.

"_Threesome_ is a good song, Jake," I replied as I furrowed my brows.

"If you say so…"

Once Jessica and Seth reappeared out of thin air, she yet again convinced me to do something I didn't want to, make me spend the night. I had told Charlie that I'd be at her place, and her parents honestly didn't care what she did with her time. Somehow Jacob and I ended up having to share a futon. We laid awake next to each other on top of the blanket, fully clothed with _Hide and Seek_ by Imogen Heap on repeat in the background.

"If I have to listen to this song one more time," Jake let out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't mind but you can get up and change it," I offered

"Nah s'not so bad," he replied as he turned on his side to face me. "So tell me more about yourself, Bella."

I turned on my side to bring us face to face but kept as much distance as I could between us as I told him my life story. Only child to Renee and Charlie, stepdaughter to Phil. Moved to Forks to get out of the lonely routine that I had developed in Arizona, only to have the same lonely routine in Forks except in this one I actually had a parent around at all times. Right when I was about to go into detail about my first, only, and bad relationship, Jacob interrupted me.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I responded.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked as he bought his face closer to mine. I didn't trust my words so I nodded. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine. We spent the rest of the night talking and kissing until the sun came up, _Hide and Seek_ had been playing the entire time.

***

I was being nostalgic and decided to revisit the first time I had talked to Jacob after the night we had spent together. I actually still had the AIM conversation saved in an email. It was creepy, but at times like these I was grateful for the days when I was a giddy sixteen year old who wanted to document everything.

ungracefulSwan: Hey Jake, this is Bella. We met like 2 weeks ago, just thought I'd say hi.

furryJake108: HEY BELLS! I'm glad you messaged me, I've been thinking about you!

ungracefulSwan: Really?

furryJake108: honestly…

ungracefulSwan: ?

furryJake108: I haven't stopped thinking about you since that night. I've been asking my friends if they'd think I was a creep for dating you.

ungracefulSwan: Oh… is it because I'm 16 and you're 21? I'll be 17 in a month, which would make us dating legal

ungracefulSwan: I looked it up haha

furryJake108: Yeah but I decided that I like you and that age shouldn't mean anything because in reality you are far more mature than I am. lol

ungracefulSwan: Well I'm free Friday if you want to hang out J

furryJake108: yeah sure, sounds great!

ungracefulSwan: awesome!

furryJake108: We shouldn't have planned this.

ungracefulSwan: Planned what?

furryJake108: When we are going to hang out because now I can't wait till Friday comes ;)

I quickly closed out the window when I noticed the mailman arrive.

"Good Morning!" I greeted him cheerfully as he handed me the stack of letters. Once he was gone I began to flip through the pile of letters and let out a whoosh of air as I found a letter addressed to Isabella M Swan with the NYU logo in the corner. I took a deep breath and decided now was as good a time as any. I opened the letter as fast as humanly possible and unfolded the paper with my eyes closed. "You can do this Bella just...breath," I reminded myself. I opened my eyes and immediately began searching for the words that would determine my future.

The way I saw it this could go two ways:

Dear Isabella Swan,

We regret to inform you..

or the least likely option

Dear Isabella Swan,

It is our pleasure to inform you...

I let out the breath of air I was holding as I read the words.

TO BE CONTINUED...

_

* * *

I will be posting chapters according to how well this is received meaning the more people who review, the fast the chapters will be put out! _


	2. A Mess To Be Made

Again a HUGE thanks goes to to my wonderful Beta, **MadeleineJade**.

Also thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their alerts/favorites, I can't wait to go on this journey with you and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

All characters belong to **Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

The way I saw it this could go two ways:

Dear Isabella Swan,

We regret to inform you..

or the least likely option

Dear Isabella Swan,

It is our pleasure to inform you...

I let out the breath of air I was holding as I read the words.

Dear Isabella Swan,

It is our pleasure to

I didn't bother to finish reading the rest as I squealed and jumped out of my seat which caused me to knock over a stack of cups in my excitement.

"Whoa, did you just win the lotto?" a voice asked from the counter.

I stood up after gathering the cups from the floor and tossed them into the garbage. "Oh hello! Sorry about that. I just got some good news that's all" I stated, as I looked at the man in front of me. I couldn't help but stare a little. He was tall and extremely muscular, the kind of guy who could have easily taken any of the guys down at the res. Despite his rugged features his face was friendly, the dimples on his cheeks made him seem harmless. He was also extremely good looking in an action movie star kind of way. He also seemed kind of familiar, but I just couldn't place him.

Move over Jason Stathom.

"Well if you're done lolly gagging, I'd like to place my order now," he said with an irritated tone.

"I'm so sorry about that, sir. I'm Bella, is there anything I can get you?" I replied trying to reign in my anger.

"Well, Bella, I'll have a small coffee and an iced latte and you better not use any of those cups that were on the floor. I'll be watching." Ugh! He was infuriating! Like I would do that! I had already thrown them away.

"Of course not sir, I threw those all away," I said with a smile plastered on my face. My cheeks were beginning to hurt.

I turned my back to him to make his order when I heard an all too familiar voice greet him.

"Emmett, what the hell is taking you so long?" she asked.

"What's the matter? I leave you alone for two seconds and you're already unbearably missing me?" he joked.

I turned around as she rolled her eyes at him "Holy shit!" I screamed as I recognized her face "Rosalie Hale! What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Bella!" she replied as she ran around the counter and jumped on me causing us both to collapse onto the ground.

"Ladies, Ladies! There's no need to fight for me. There is enough of me to go around," Emmett said as he leaned over the counter to assess the situation, eyeballing two women on the floor on top of each other.

"Shut up, Emmett Cullen!" Rosalie yelled as she stood up and held a hand out to me. I took her hand and pulled myself up.

"What are you doing here, Rose?" I asked while grabbing the coffee and latte, handing them to Emmett and Rose.

"Well I decided it was time to visit my favorite cousin and of course Emmett couldn't pass on the chance to visit The Daily Grind. I told him you were handling everything perfectly but he had to check on things himself...Oh, I almost forgot. Emmett, this is my cousin, Bella, and Bella this is my husband Emmett."

That was it. Now I recognized him from the wedding pictures. He looked much different dressed in street clothes. I immediately felt guilty for having missed her wedding. She had asked me to be her maid of honor but a week before the wedding I stupidly asked Jake to give me riding lessons and effectively fell off the motorcycle and broke my right leg, left arm, and I got a pretty nasty gash on my forehead.

I remembered the earlier exchange with Emmett and how I was close to flipping my lid, cursing out the owner wouldn't have ended well for my bank account. "Well Emmett here was just testing my customer service skills," I replied smirking. Good get him in trouble with my cousin.

"Emmett," Rosalie said while glaring at him questioningly. "What did you do?"

"Nothing, Rosie. I was just secret shopping Bella. Gotta make sure her customer service skills are up to par," he said with a sly smile.

She responded by smacking him upside the head. "Leave the poor girl alone, Emmett! Bella's customer service skills are fine; she doesn't need you poking your head around here."

"Sorry, Bella," he said with a frown before leaning down and placing a quick kiss on the top of Rosalie's head. He was so sweet with Rose despite his hulkish appearance. I could see the love in his eyes; that boy definitely was whipped.

"As long as his intentions were good..." I offered with a smile. "So if Emmett is here, is Alice too?" Alice Cullen was Emmett's sister and Rosalie's best friend whom had taken over my maid of honor duties when I was out of commission.

"Alice is in New York spending time with her boyfriend, Jasper. They're busy playing house," Emmett cut in before Rosalie could respond. He had a sour look on his face.

"They just got an apartment together..." she explained.

"Well why don't you have a seat and enjoy your drinks while I clean up this mess and then I can head out because I have a lot to tell you."

I rode in my truck while Rose and Emmett followed me on his motorcycle. Seeing Rosalie on a motorcycle was definitely something I doubt I would get used to. She wasn't as clumsy as I was, considering it came from the Swan side, but she never was the ride on the back of a bad boy's motorcycle type of girl.

I guess Emmett wasn't really a bad boy at heart anyway. When we reached my house I had Emmett park his motorcycle around the block. If Charlie found out about it, he would flip a shit and end up giving Emmett the third degree about putting his baby niece in danger on that death trap.

After dinner Rose and I headed up to my room to catch up on everything while Emmett watched baseball with Charlie. I had heard Charlie mumble something about "not under my roof" at dinner, so I placed my bets that Emmett would end up sleeping on couch and Charlie would have his gun close by tonight. I could understand his reasoning, but Emmett and Rosalie were married, he could've backed off a little bit.

"So Bells, SPILL!" Rose ordered as she sat down on my bed.

"Well, I decided to apply to NYU for fun, figuring that if by some minuscule chance I got in that I could maybe get a place with you and work at The Daily Grind in New York..." I didn't realize how fast I was talking or how nervous I was until I finished my sentence and let out a huge breath of air.

"And? Come on Bella, I saw you holding a letter from NYU. Did you get in?" She asked with a hopeful look in her eyes. I couldn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded and smiled.

"HOLY CRAP, BELLA!" she yelled as she tackled me and hugged me tightly.

"Ohh...continue, ladies. Don't let me interrupt," Emmett said from the doorway. We quickly separated and glared at him.

"Just so you know Em, Uncle Charlie is the chief of police and owns a shot gun. I'd play nice if I wanted to keep all my body parts intact," Rose informed him. Emmett seemed to get the point and shut the door. We didn't speak until we heard his footsteps going down the stairs.

"Okay well Emmett and I live together now but I still have my old apartment. Mom left it to me when she moved to Jersey to take care of Nana, but I couldn't bear to part with it, it's a great apartment and dirt cheap! Plus, Alice said she always had a feeling you'd move to New York. It's rent controlled too so rent should be about $400 plus utlities. Bella, this is like my dream come true, I've always wanted us to live in the same city!"

"Whoa, whoa, Rose, I haven't even figured out if this is a possibility yet. What about Charlie and Jake?" I interrupted before she could make any more plans in her head.

"Look Bella, Charlie is a grown man. It's about time he learned to take care of himself and as for Jacob... well maybe it's time for you to just let him go. The last few times I've spoken to you you've sounded pretty miserable about your relationship." Just the thought of Charlie attempting to make his own meals made me cringe though.

"I guess you're right about Charlie. I could teach him how to properly use the microwave and leave easy recipes for him just to make sure he didn't burn down the house. And as for Jake...well that comes with the territory of being in a long term relationship. Two years is a long time, and it can't always be sunshine and rainbows, Rose. Plus, I still have to talk to Emmett about transferring stores, and I'd have to ask Grammy Dwyer if I could access my inheritance a little early..." As I spoke though, the idea of New York seemed to become more real to me though. I could really do this!

"NYU, Bella...geez! I'm really proud of you. I knew you were smart enough, but I never thought you'd have the guts to put it to use."

"Gee thanks, Rosalie," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"No problema, Isabella," she shrugged. We stared at each other for a half second before bursting out into laughter.

"Don't worry, Bells, I'm sure this will all work out," she said with a smile.

"So...that Emmett Cullen sure is something. Where the hell did you guys meet again?" I asked hoping to lighten the mood.

"Well I was on my way back from visiting you and my flight got delayed. Alice mentioned that she was visiting her parents in Washington and it just so happened that we were on the same flight since they put me onto hers. I ended up having to sit next to the big buffoon, and the rest you know. Too bad you couldn't be in the wedding. You would have met the whole family. You should see Edward..." she said.

"Who's Edward is he a Cullen too?"

"Holy mother of crap 'Who's Edward?' Yes he is a Cullen, Bella he's only like the biggest indie musician in New York City. I guess you wouldn't know him here, but he plays in lot of bars and stuff in Brooklyn and the city. He's insanely gorgeous, but he's kind of a dick. Alice says he doesn't date and he has this crazy ideal of the perfect woman which once she told me I didn't think was all that crazy. She pretty much described you...oh man, I should set you guys up on a date when you move in! Although I would hate for him to treat you like he does other girls, I would have to kick his ass." I laughed at her and wondered what this Edward Cullen dude looked like because one thing Rosalie possessed was amazing taste in men. Emmett was perfect evidence of that. I wouldn't mind going on a date with this Edward guy...

"Rosalie! What about Jake?" It was so easy to get caught up in my New York fantasy world and forget about the reality of my life.

"Eh, fuck him," she responded with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Rosalie Hale...Cullen! We've been together for almost two years," I replied incredulously

"A year and a half too long if you ask me. You're always going on about how you guys fight all the time and how he always says things to put you down. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean that he means it, and what you guys have isn't even love." I just sat there with a pained expression on my face. My best friend, my sister, for all intents and purposes, just told me my boyfriend of two years didn't love me.

"Fuck you, Rose." I stood up and didn't even bother to hear her reply as I ran down the stairs. Charlie must have gone to bed already because Emmett was on the couch watching _Girls Gone Wild_ commercials as I ran out the front door. I knew I was overreacting and being a bit irrational but maybe a part of me was a little bit scared that Rose was right.

I arrived at Jake's about fifteen minutes later and let myself in with my own set of keys that he had given me since I pretty much lived there. The stereo was on in the living room and I could hear all types of moaning. "I guess Embry has a girl over," I mumbled to myself as I opened the door to Jake's and my bedroom. He was sitting down at his computer desk with his head thrown back and a smile on his lips. I was about to laugh and call him an idiot before I noticed that his pants were at his ankles and there was black silky hair strewn across his legs.

"What the fuck!" I yelled causing Jake to jump slightly and push the girl off of him. As she wiped her mouth and stood up, I immediately felt sick.

"When I told you to fuck Leah Clearwater, I wasn't being literal, Jacob Black!" I yelled as I began to gather my clothing from around the room.

"You should go, Leah," Jake suggested.

"Thank you, Captain Fucking Obvious!" she replied as she made her way to the door. Before she left she turned to me with a guilty look on her face apologizing, "I'm sorry, Bella."

"I swear that if you don't leave in the next five seconds, I will make a new hole in the wall using your face," I replied stiffly as I stuffed my things into an empty duffel bag.

When she was finally gone, Jake made his way towards me and rested his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Bells. I love you so much. I got drunk with the guys down at the res and next thing I know Leah was giving me a blow job. I didn't mean for it to happen. It's just that you never like doing it, and I couldn't help myself."

I zipped up my duffle bag and turned to him. I looked up at him and smiled weakly before I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. "I'm sorry, Jake," I mumbled.

"I forgive you. Maybe you could try giving me a blow job once in a while," he responded. I hugged him a bit harder.

"That's not what I'm apologizing for, Jake," I said as I pulled away from him.

"Then what..." Before he could get out his next word I kneed him in the crotch as hard as I could.

"WHAT THE FUCK, BELLA!" he yelled as he crouched down and cupped himself. His crouching brought him to my level, and the next thing I knew I was cocking my arm back and punching him right in the eye.

I didn't stick around long enough to see what his reaction would be. I grabbed my duffel bag and ran to my truck as fast as my feet would allow me, shaking the hand that I punched him with.

I tripped in a few puddles on the way and once I finally got into the car. I was sure I had broken my wrist or my hand, between punching Jake and falling so many times. I was certain I had at least fractured it. My hands were slightly wet and were a little bloody. I knew I couldn't drive in my physical and emotional condition so I pulled out my phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hello."

"Rosalie..." I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Oh Bella! I'm sorry what I said about Jake, I didn't mean it," she apologized with a similar tone of relief.

"I'm so sorry for not believing you, Rose. You were right about Jake. I walked in on him getting a blow job." To a certain extent I always knew Rose was right, but I never thought he would cheat on me. I was more hurt that my trust was betrayed more than I was hurt over the end of my relationship.

"Fucking hell, Bella, you need to stay where you are. Emmett and I are coming to get you." I faintly heard her mumble something to Em about "kicking his mother fucking ass" before the call was ended.

I didn't know if I subconsciously made my decision when I read the letter, talked to Rosalie or walked in on Jake, but what I did know was that my decision was made. I, Isabella Swan, was moving to New York City.

* * *

_As I previously stated, the more reviews I get the faster the chapters will be put out. I already have 5 written! Edward will make his grand entrance in chapter 4, Bella still has a few loose ends to tie before she departs for the big apple. _


	3. I'm ready, I am

As always a big shout out goes out to my wonderful beta **MadeleineJade**

I also want to once again thank all of you for the amazing reviews, you guys kick ass! I don't know how much I will be updating but I just wanted to get to chapter 4 because it's my favorite.

So here is chapter 3, which I like to refer to as the obligatory supermarket showdown.

Read, Enjoy, Review!

**all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

I woke up the next morning to a knock at my bedroom door. I attempted to sit up but was held down in my place. I glanced down to see Rose laying half on top of me with her arm across my stomach. We must have fallen asleep that way after I cried my eyes out to her as she soothingly stroked my hair and told me I deserved better. Emmett entered my room with a tray of breakfast. There was so much food that I assumed there was enough for the three of us. I gently nudged Rose off of me and shook her slightly.

"Wake up, Rosalie," I whispered. She sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"I brought us breakfast from that diner by the coffee shop. I thought you gals might want some breakfast." I had to admit that Emmett possessed every quality I would want in a spouse for my cousin. From what I could tell he was extremely sweet and kind. I could also tell that he loved Rose fiercly, which made him okay in my book.

"That was really nice of you, Emmett." I patted the empty space on the bed in front of Rose and me as an invitation for Emmett to sit down. Placing the tray in the center he sat down on the opposite side of Rosalie and me.

"No problem, Bella. It's the least I could do after the night you had. Although I still wish you would've let me kick the shit out of that Jacob guy last night," he replied before shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth.

"You're such a macho man, Emmett," Rosalie said as she took a bite out of a piece of bacon.

"Oh you know it, baby," he responded winking at Rose.

"Cut it out, guys. You're being totally gross." I couldn't help but feel jealous of their relationship. More than ever I understood what Rose meant when she had said that what Jake and I had wasn't love. For a time, I honestly believed that I loved him but along the way I kind of fell into a routine of accepting that no one else would want me. I was broken out of my thoughts by Rose nudging me.

"Geez, Bella, I thought I lost you there for a second," she said with a sad smile.

"Sorry, Rosalie, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that I called Nana Dwyer after you stormed out last night and she said she would sign off her guardianship on the savings account your inheritance is in for NYU, and I called my mom as well. She said you are more than welcome to come live in the apartment. I think she's more glad that I won't have to pay for that apartment anymore," she laughed

"How did you know that I decided to move?" I asked while trying to hide a smile. After last night we barely talked before she held me while I fell asleep crying. It was times like these where I didn't know how I survived an entire 20 years without having her closer to me.

"I knew you decided the minute you found out you were accepted. You just needed a little push from your favorite cousin," she grinned.

"Thanks, Rose, I really appreciate it…and you too, Emmett. The both of you have been really great and you've only been here for less than 24 hours. I promise my life isn't always this dramatic."

"Damn, I was hoping having you around would spice things up in New York. The fact that my brother is hopelessly miserable is starting to lose it's fun for me." Rose and I both just stared at Emmett with a quizzical expression on our faces.

"Oh yeah, my brother Edward… well he's like the perfect definition of an Emo kid. He pretty much never laughs and takes everything way too seriously, so I enjoy irritating the hell of out of him but he's gotten really good at just ignoring me. I need someone new to bug," he explained with a shrug.

"You will do no such thing Emmett Cullen," Rosalie growled.

"Alright. Alright. Geez, babe, relax."

After we got breakfast and cleaned ourselves up, I decided that it would be nice to cook dinner for Charlie before I broke the news to him that I was moving across the country. We proceeded to spend the day getting the rest of my things from Jacob's apartment while he was away at work. I wanted to avoid a confrontation at all cost, which didn't please Emmett very much. After we were done at Jake's, we made a pit stop at the supermarket.

I grabbed a shopping cart upon entering and made my way to the vegetable aisle with Rose and Emmett following closely behind me. I decided on making the steak that I already had at home along with a side of potatoes and broccoli. I was putting a bundle of broccoli in my cart when Rosalie tugged on my arm and practically dragged me into the cereal aisle with Emmett behind us wheeling the cart.

"What the hell was that for, Rose?!" I asked stunned by her actions.

"Ah crap, I saw Jake's friends and I didn't know if you wanted to see them," she explained in a hushed voice.

"Can I fight one of them?" Emmett asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"NO!" Rose and I replied in unison.

"Fine. Chill out, ladies. Geez. I thought this was a vacation, Rose. You don't let me do anything fun!" he sighed

"Sorry, but my definition of fun does not include taking care of you after you get your ass kicked by a group of huge Quileute boys." Before Emmett could protest we heard the sound of the group getting closer and closer to us.

"They just broke up. Are you even sure she wants to talk to us? I don't even think that was her," I heard Embry say as they turned the corner.

"BELLA!" Seth yelled as he jogged towards me and pulled me into a tight embrace.

I let out an umph as his arms circled me and awkwardly patted him on the back. "Hey there, Seth," I said as he let go of me and took a step back. "Oh, Hey Quil, Embry, Paul," I greeted the group with a nod.

"Hi, Bella," they replied almost simultaneously.

"Where the hell did you guys run off to! We have to hurry if…" Leah said as she rounded the corner pausing mid sentence when her eyes settled on me. "Oh…Bella," she said surprised. "I didn't know you were here."

"You must be the bitch that was on her knees for my cousin's boyfriend," Rosalie responded, and before I could speak, she had moved to stand right in front of Leah with Emmett and I flanking her. The rest of the guys stood aside awkwardly.

"Gross," Seth commented.

"Baby, where did you run of to?" Jake yelled down the aisle, stopping short as he spotted the group of us. I never realized how tiny a supermarket aisle could get.

To say that this was getting awkward would be an understatement. I could sense the anger coming from Rose as she stared Jake down but before any of us could speak Emmett threw his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. He lingered near my ear to whisper, "Just play along."

"Come on baby, lets get out of here," Emmett said while placing a soft kiss on my neck.

I stood there stunned for a moment not sure what to do. Thank heavens Rose cut in before I could embarrass myself.

"Hello, Jacob. Long time since I last saw you," she said as she nodded in his direction.

"Yeah, nice to see you, Rose," he responded warily as he moved to stand by Leah.

"Oh, so you're Jacob then," Emmett stated. "I owe you a thanks, man."

"For what?" Jacob replied curiously.

"For fucking up with Bella. Now I get to have her all to myself when she moves to New York. I wasn't sure how I could contain myself with her living in the same apartment as me. One look at her in a towel and that would've broken all my will power…" He paused before saying, "Well I guess that's what broke it last night anyway." Rose let out a chuckle and I mentally thanked god that she understood what Emmett was doing. I couldn't help but laugh a little at the stunned expression on Jacob's face.

"You were fucking this guy behind my back, Bella? And you punched me in the face for cheating! You're such a slut, I bet you had no problem sucking his dick." Jake said as he stepped forward and came to a stop right in front of Emmett and me with his arms crossed.

Uh-oh. This could get ugly.

It was at the mention of me punching him in the face that I really took in his appearance. His eye was definitely starting to bruise, and I couldn't help but feel a little empowered by the fact that I was the cause of it.

"I never cheated on you, Jake. I have these great things that people sometimes have, and they're called morals. As for giving Emmett a blowjob. Well you caught me there. I mean look at him. What girl, no matter what her objections, wouldn't get on her knees to worship him," I said. I was scared that I went too far but I glanced at Rose and her facial expression exuded pride.

"You mother fucker," Jake said as he lunged for Emmett but before he could get any closer Quil and Embry jumped in between the two. I was knocked into some cereal boxes as Emmett pushed me aside to safety.

"Aw well, it was nice meeting you, Jakey-poo," Emmett said as he stepped closer to Jake. I held my breath as Emmett reached over the boys to pinch Jake's cheek. I swear that if Embry and Quil weren't holding Jake back there would have been a massive call for a clean up on Aisle 5.

"Lets go, guys, before I have the urge to show this bitch how New York City girls get down," Rose said as she pulled Emmett and me back.

"I will fucking kill you, Emmett," Jake yelled as we turned to leave the aisle. Before we turned the corner, Emmett place his hand in the back of my pocket and squeezed my ass as he looked back and winked at Jacob. From the corner on my eye I could see Jake struggling as Embry and Quil pushed him in the opposite direction. As Emmett and I got to the front of the supermarket we noticed Rose standing at the door with a bag of groceries in her hand. I guess during the tella novella I failed to notice that she had taken the cart and paid for our items.

"Emmett was too busy groping you so I rushed ahead and bought the broccoli and potatoes 'cause the faster we get out of here the better," she explained.

We both nodded. I felt like I was being watched so I instinctively turned my head to find out who it was, only to see Jake at the register with Leah standing next to him. He was looking at me with a pained expression on his face while Leah just glared. I couldn't help myself and flipped them the finger as I smiled and ran through the doors to catch up with Rose and Emmett, thankful that I managed to stay upright and not make a fool out of myself.

We rushed home so I could get started before Charlie arrived. As I was unloading the groceries and starting to prepare dinner I began to feel guilty about leaving Charlie alone but I realized that if I stayed to take care of him then I would just end up alone myself and I knew that was the last thing that my dad wanted for me.

After my mom left, he sort of shut himself off to the possibility of falling in love again. I always assumed that he still held a torch for her. After she remarried I think he finally got the hint that she was never coming back. He dated a little but nothing ever panned out. I think he just accepted that at his age there was nothing left for him. At least he had a job he loved, a loving group of friends and an awesome daughter.

I ended up cooking dinner alone because Rose and Emmett had disappeared. I shuddered at the thought of what they might be doing. Emmett was very attractive, but I didn't need to imagine him in the throes of passion with someone who was basically my sister. Luckily, they reappeared just as Charlie walked in the door, saving me the task of covering up their whereabouts.

"Ah, so nice of you to join us," I announced to them all. Rose sort of glared and Emmett had a look of triumph on his face, as if I needed any more proof.

Everyone sat down and chatted as I finished up dinner. I had decided on making the t-bone steaks and homemade mashed potatoes because I was hoping they would soften the blow of my moving announcement.

"This is great, Bells!" Charlie said cheerfully as he stuffed a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. After he finished chewing he pushed his half eaten plate aside and grabbed an envelope from his back pocket and placed it on the table. "This wouldn't have anything to do with this acceptance letter from New York University would it?"

The three of us stared at him dumbfounded. "Yes sir," I answered nervously.

"You know that I don't like the idea of you moving to a place like New York all by yourself, well I guess you'll be with Rosalie…" He sighed before continuing, "Look Bella, I know you're an adult, but New York City is a scary place. So I called your aunt and spoke with her. I know she's in New Jersey but that's closer than Forks so she agreed to keep an eye on you and assured me that you'd be just fine."

Rose and I had been looking at each other warily, waiting for Charlie to protest and demand that I remain in Forks forever, but it never came. I jumped out of my seat and threw my arms around Charlie's neck and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks so much, Dad. I'm going to miss you."

I let him go and sat back down in my seat. He had this sort of shocked expression on his face. I guess it was because it was the most emotion I'd shown towards him since I was 5 and cried for my daddy after falling into some mud.

"Sure, sure. Just keep some pepper spray on you and don't go anywhere alone at night," he replied as he began to finish his meal.

"I'll make sure to watch after her," Emmett said with a smile.

"I'm sure you will, Emmett," Charlie responded with a suspicious look in his eyes.

Rose and I proceeded to spend most of the night packing and gushing over childhood photos of us that I owned. Once we packed the photos and I was brought back to the present. I felt the need to apologize to Rose. Although there was nothing going on between Emmett and I, I couldn't help but feel guilty about what had happened earlier in the supermarket.

"About earlier Rose, I'm sorry about that. I had no idea that Emmett would do that," I said as I began packing an empty box with books.

"You don't need to be sorry. I thought it was brilliant. The look on their faces was worth having to watch my husband throw himself all over my cousin, but just to warn you Bella, he will never let you forget what he said about the blow job thing," she warned as she tossed some more books into the box.

"Great!" I rolled my eyes and blushed. I didn't even know where that little rant came from at the time. "Thank you, Rose."

"For what, Bella?" she asked as she looked at me with apparent confusion.

"For everything," I replied. "For giving me the push I needed, for talking to Grammy Dwyer and letting me move into your apartment. Most of all for being the only person who really gets me."

"Don't even mention it, Bella," she said with tears in her eyes as she walked around the box to pull me into a hug. We stood there hugging for what felt like eternity before we both glanced at the door expecting Emmett to barge in and make some comment alluding to some girl on girl action. When it was apparent that no such thing would happen, we both laughed and shook our heads.

"He's a great guy," I said with a smile.

"I know," was all she said before we continued to pack.

Once we were done packing, Rose informed me that while she and Emmett disappeared earlier she had talked to him about my transfer, he said that it was no problem and he was excited for me to meet the rest of his family and get to know me.

I shut off my side table lamp and snuggled into bed. It was then that it had finally sunk in. In less then 24 hours my life had completely turned upside down. I would be in New York by the weekend, and my new life would finally begin.

* * *

_First 3 reviewers will get a preview of chapter 4! Also the more people who review, the fast I will put out chapter 4, trust me you want it ;)_

_Also every chapter is named after a song, all 3 chapters so far have been named after songs by my favorite band, The Format. I will be sure to list the song before the story from now on. _


	4. Me Vs Maradona Vs Elvis

And finally here we are the much talked about chapter 4, hope you all enjoy it.

A million thank you's to everyone who has reviewed and added this to their alerts/favorites, you guys are amazing. Big huge hug to my Beta **MadeleineJade, **who just posted the epilogue to her amazing story The Daily Grind.

Songs used in this chapter

**Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis - Brand New**

**Garden Statement - Hidden In Plain View**

**Tatou - Brand New**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and all songs belong to the above mentioned artists.**

* * *

I was woken up by the sound of my phone buzzing. The light pouring through the window was blinding, and I couldn't seem to figure out where the buzzing was coming from.

"Ugh! What the fuck?" she growled as she reached under her pillow and tossed my phone at me. "Shut it up already!" she groaned and pulled my pillow over her face. I sighed and slid the bar across the screen.

"Hello," I sighed groggily into the iPhone.

"Edward this is Angela. I'm calling from Sweet Ups." The girl beside me huffed and climbed out of bed, I hoped she'd be gone before she had the chance to realize that I had no interest to even remember her name let alone take her out and buy her flowers like the unrealistic fantasy boyfriend she dreamed up in her head. Or maybe she was just another girl who wanted to try a crack at fucking Edward Cullen so she could brag to all her friends about it in a seedy Williamsburg bar.

"Oh hello. How are you?" I asked. Angela managed the bar Sweet Ups in Williamsburg where I played most Wednesday nights. I loved playing but I hated playing for yuppies who dressed in rags but had Amex Black cards in Prada wallets in the back pockets of their Marc Jacobs trousers. I hated their fancy micro brewed beers and trendy facial hair but this was the price I had to pay to be somewhat less miserable. I'd already given up trying to live the idealistic life my parents had wanted for me. I held a steady 9 to 5 job for a few years before my cubicles walls started to close in and I felt like I would stop breathing if I had to spend one more day living for the morning commute.

"I'm good, thanks. Look I'm sorry to call you on such short notice and I know Wednesday night is usually your night but do you think you could come in to play tonight? I understand that it's Friday but you will be compensated well for your time," she said nervously.

"Let me make a few calls first and I will let you know in about an hour or so," I responded in a smooth tone.

"Yeah. No problem. I look forward to hearing from you."

I hung up the phone and glanced at the clock, it was 12:30pm already. Sighing I grabbed my guitar and made my way to the living room, walking quietly and cautiously through the apartment, unsure if the girl from last night was still around. I breathed a sigh of relief when I had noticed she was gone.

I sat down in the big leather chair that was situated by the window that overlooked the Williamsburg Bridge. It was for all intents and purposes, my writing chair, the warm brown color of the leather and comfy worn in seat made it the ideal place to sit and write all day.

Growing up I had the idealistic life, two loving parents, a brother and a sister, as well as anything I could ever want material wise. But I'd always felt empty. It was that sort of feeling people described as standing in a crowd and going completely unnoticed, except the crowd did notice me, every single one of those fuckers. I just failed to notice any of them. The one time someone stood out from the rest it blew up in my face and I put a stop to that shit right away. It was then that I quit trying to connect.

Alice and Emmett understood that I loved them as much as I was capable of but that there was a big part of me that they'd never understand, that no one would understand. Alice was the youngest out of the three of us. She was incredibly smart and extremely goal oriented. There wasn't a task that Alice couldn't complete apart from fixing her fucked up brother.

Emmett was the oldest. He lived up to that small town golden boy standard. He was good at every sport he tried and the only thing he seemed to fail at was failing itself.

That left me in the middle, the black sheep, and the fuck up. The only thing I seemed to be good at was my music. My mother had encouraged me to take piano lessons when I was a child in order to give me an outlet. I had taken to it quickly and practiced every chance I could, but that never seemed to matter. Every recital I had always seemed to coincide with one of Emmett's games or one of Alice's ballet recitals or plays.

"We get to see you play at home every day sweet heart, someone has to be there to support your brother and sister," she'd say.

So at the ripe age of 10 I realized that the only person I could ever really rely on was myself. But I could never blame my brother and sister for the lack of support my parents had given me. To battle the loneliness, I'd take girls home from the bars after playing. It wasn't hard; I never even had to try. I never fucked any of them. Sure I would fool around with them but I'd never take anything off and it was always in the dark. Some people would argue that anyone could fuck without being intimate but sleeping next to someone was true intimacy. I thought it was a bullshit line to make everyone feel better about his or her one night stands and bathroom stall hook ups.

I could sleep next to a new girl every night and not give a flying fuck about her in the morning, but sex was different. When you were naked and hovering over someone there were no secrets, no places to hide. Just the thought of it was unbearable. I pushed the thoughts out of my head as I began to strum aimlessly on my guitar. I planned on saying yes to Angela the minute she asked, but it was better to play hard to get then seem like some desperate musician who was hard up for cash.

Before long the strumming of my fingers took on a mind of its own, I grabbed a blank paper and began writing out the notes. Once the music was all written I sat back staring at the sky while I replayed it until the lyrics started to formulate in my head. Setting my guitar aside I grabbed the pen from behind my ear and opened my notebook to a blank page and began writing the words down.

**With one or two I get used to the room**

**We go slow when we first make our moves**

**By five or six bring you out to the car**

**Number nine with my head on the bar**

**And it's sad, but true**

**Out of cash and I.O.U's**

**I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans**

**My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent**

**Bring you back to the bar**

**Get you out of the cold**

**A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes**

**And they're scared that we know**

**All the crimes they'll commit**

**Who they'll kiss before they get home**

**I will lie awake**

**Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you**

**Let you fall for every empty word I say**

**Barely conscious in the door where you stand**

**Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes its demands**

**You laugh at every word trying hard to be cute**

**I almost feel sorry for what I'm going to do**

**And your hair smells of smoke**

**Who will cast the first stone?**

**You can sin or spend the night all alone**

**Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold**

**In the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone**

**You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start**

**If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart**

**Cause it's all you can be**

**You're a drunk and you're scared**

**It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free**

**I will lie awake**

**And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you**

**Let you fall for every empty word I say**

**I will lie awake**

**And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you**

**Let you fall for every empty word I say**

**I will lie awake**

**And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you**

**Let you fall for every empty word I say**

I smiled victoriously at the pages I had written and closed the book, mentally patting myself on the back. I made it a point to write at least a song a day, some times they'd end up being shit, but I noticed that in a bar full of drunks, no one really knew what the fuck you were singing about anyway.

After calling Angela back and accepting her invitation, I proceeded to text Emmett and Alice to let them know where I would be playing tonight. Despite my standoffishness, they always made it to every one of my shows. They were fiercely loyal, loyal to a fault. Alice had mentioned that Emmett and Rose went to visit one of her cousins in Washington or some shit, but I wasn't sure if he was back yet but I sent him a text anyway. I received a reply from him almost immediately.

See you there. Rose is coming with her cousin so let Garrett know for me.

Garrett was the doorman at most bars I played in. Seeing as how half my friends were just below the 21 mark, it was better for me to have him on my good side. As long as I sent a few groupies and beers his way then he'd turn the other cheek and pretend to be dyslexic when it came to birth years. He was a shady motherfucker but a wise ass one as well. He'd give Emmett, Jasper and me the most mind fucking advice when it came to women. I guess he hadn't figured out that Emmet was happily married, Jasper was a slave for life, and I refused to ever give a fuck.

I called Garrett to let him know about our "special" guest and threw my phone on the coffee table when my call was done. It landed with a thud next to a business card that appeared to have the remnants of a red lipstick kiss on it.

"Real fucking original," I mumbled to myself and tossed the card away. I glanced at the name quickly, Lauren, another useless fucking name to add to the other nonexistent notches in my bedpost.

I took my time getting ready, opting for the usual black t-shirt and jeans. No one would remember what I wore and it would all smell like booze and a collection of overpriced perfumes mixed with the smell of American Spirits by the end of the night anyway. Fucking hipsters and their fancy organic cigarettes. You'll still get cancer.

I got off the L at Grand street and walked down to the corner of Graham, I could already see a crowd of people gathered outside of the bar smoking their cigarettes and chatting. Walking around the crowd I gave a sly smile to Garrett who was standing at the door with his arms across his chest. Once noticing me he opened the door and motioned me in with his hand.

"What's that, big man, not gonna ID me?" I asked sarcastically.

"Shut the fuck up, Cullen," he responded

I walked past him into the bar and heard him mumble something along the lines of "Better throw some pussy my way tonight." I chuckled and took a seat at the bar, gingerly placing my guitar besides me. The front of the bar housed booths and the back had a long counter lining the wall with stools pushed underneath. The pink velvet Victorian wallpaper covered the walls of the entire place but the lights were so fucking dim that no one ever seemed to notice their beauty.

"Hey, Kate," I greeted with a nod to the bartender.

"Oh hey, Edward, what can I get you tonight?" she asked while she pulled the lever on the tap. I thought for a second while I watched the beer pour into the glass.

"I'll have a Sweet Up's," I said with a sigh. The house drink, the bar's namesake, was just PBR, but for some fucking reason unbeknownst to me, they refused to call it by it's name. She slid the beer to me and I slid her a five-dollar bill.

"Everything is on the house for you tonight," she said as she pushed the bill back.

I shook my head in protest at her, "Well, then it's for you."

"Thanks," she replied as she put the bill in her back pocket.

Kate had been friends with us since we first moved to New York. She served me my first drink when I turned 21 and had kept them coming since. She was about 5'5 with long brown hair, she was probably the prettiest girl I'd met in New York so far and despite her innocent looks, she was feisty. She was the sort of girl I'd probably be interested in if I was normal but I knew that Garrett had a thing for her. He only opened the door for customers so he could peek his head inside and ogle her.

After finishing my beer I stood up and grabbed my guitar making my way to the back of the club. I grabbed a stool and sat down on the makeshift stage and did a quick sound check. Glancing around I noticed that a group of people had already made their way to the area, giving an acknowledging nod to Alice and Jasper I glanced down at my hand to take a peak at my set list.

I adjusted the microphone to the correct level and blankly stared at the crowd, "Hey, I'm Edward Cullen," I greeted with a forced smile. I leaned back a little further on my stool and began to strum the notes to the first song. When it was time to sing I leaned into the mic and let out a breath of air before I began to sing.

**The traffic's backed for miles**

**On these quiet suburban roads**

**While the rubber necking strangers**

**Are dying to see these victims' wounds**

'**Cause he's all-alone**

**With his notebooks and poems**

**In this open grave where he wrote**

**All of his secrets**

**That became his lyrics**

**With no intent to show anyone**

I strummed the cords harder before starting the chorus.

**And we give, and we give**

**But it's all for nothing**

**Its all for nothing**

**We try to resist,**

**But I gave everything**

**And its all for nothing**

**So the panic sets and cycles**

**His mind for restless sleep**

**And while the blood-sucking leeches**

**Contaminate every line they read**

**Just leave him alone in this dark room (tightly wrapped cocoon)**

**This white sheet, his tightly wrapped cocoon**

**Cause its no secret**

**I fucking need this**

**Like I don't need anyone**

**Chorus:**

**And we give, and we give**

**But it's all for nothing**

**Its all for nothing**

**We try to resist,**

**But I gave everything**

**And its all for nothing**

I sat back and strummed with my eyes closed breathing heavily before singing again.

**It's like I'm falling asleep with my eyes open**

**shutting down and off the lights**

**cause after all of this it's all or nothing**

**still I wouldn't try to ...**

**I've fallen asleep with my eyes open**

**(and you'll lie to all your friends)**

**(about sights you never saw)**

**Shutting down and off the lights**

**(and you'll preach to all the press)**

**(about what you don't know at all)**

**Cause after all of this it's all or nothing**

**Still I wouldn't try to fight**

I opened my eyes and began playing the notes with more emotion, vaguely aware of the silence that had fallen upon the bar.

**So let me drown so I can breathe again**

**I'm through choking and suffocating**

**On alter egos and alter motives**

**Which weigh you down and take control of**

**The way you are and the things that you need**

**The life you live and the dreams that you dream**

**Distort and blur all in slow motion**

**They broke you down and now you're broken**

**(Spill the ink and spill your guts again)**

**And it's sadder than the saddest movie**

**I ever saw but without the beauty**

**So I stopped watching, I stopped caring**

**I've lost all interest and I stopped wearing**

**These plastic smiles, I've washed my hands clean**

**Forget that you forgot about me**

**And I'm living life, the big city feeling**

**It's better than suburban dreaming**

I inhaled a deep breath and began singing with more anger in my voice.

**Living off the friends that hate you**

**Talk shit on me like I don't know who**

**My real friends are anymore, no,**

**I don't know you anymore**

**And it's sadder than the saddest movie**

**I ever saw, but without the beauty**

**So I stopped watching, I stopped caring**

Stopping my strumming I yelled into the mic.

Spill the ink and spill your guts again!

I picked up where I left off with my strumming and began singing again

**I've fallen asleep with my eyes open**

**(And you'll lie to all your friends)**

**(About sights you never saw)**

**Shutting down and off the lights**

**(And you'll preach to all the press)**

**(About what you don't know at all)**

'**Cause after all of this it's all or nothing**

**Still I wouldn't try to fight**

I let the last notes fade out before I said thank you breathlessly into the microphone. Everyone clapped and I repeated my previous thank you's again, directing them more to Alice and Jasper who were standing close by giving me the thumbs up.

"I'm just gonna sit here and fuck around before the next song, feel free to watch." I said as I picked up my guitar and began strumming aimlessly. I must have been playing for a few minutes not noticing the time, when my eyes had drifted to the door. That's when I saw her. Behind Rosalie and Emmett walked in a short brunette with brown eyes and a nervous smile across her face, she must have been Rose's cousin.

When the trio had united with my sister and Jasper in the front I began to notice all of her features. Her skin was pale and showed no sign of color even though we were past the summer months and almost into September. Her hair reminded me of the chocolate brown color of my writing chair and her warm brown eyes conveyed the same feeling of comfort in me.

Somehow through my observation the notes began to take shape, and I boldly leaned into the microphone and started to sing the lyrics as they came to me softly in almost a whisper.

**I'm sinkin' like a stone in the sea**

**I'm burning like a bridge from your body**

**I'm sinkin' like a stone in the sea**

**I'm burning like a bridge from your body**

**I'm sinkin' like a stone in the sea**

**I'm burning like a bridge from your body...**

I must have been singing with my eyes closed because when I strummed the last notes I forced them open, her eyes were glued on mine, and I couldn't help but stare. She was beautiful, and immediately, I loathed her.

* * *

_and there it is, hope you loved it. On a sour note I tried out for the Reelz Channel Twicon Correspondent contest last month and I am 99.9% sure I did not make the final cut, your reviews would make me very very very happy! I do however appear in their sneek peak video towards the end, I'm Tiffany Reyes if you guys wanna see me talk and swing a mic around nervously! Reviewers get sneak peaks ;) The updates will slow down from now because I want to keep myself ahead but I will update every 3 - 4 days if possible!_


	5. U and Left Turns

Although the last chapter barely got any reviews I decided to post the next one anyway. I hate to be one of those people who begs for reviews but this story has gotten a lot of traffic but not that many reviews in comparison. Reviews are really helpful to me and I do ask readers for their input as well. My Beta **MadeleineJade **is incredible, she puts up with my bad puncuation and crazy ideas.

_Songs for this chapter_

No One's Gonna Love You - Band Of Horses

Detlef Schrempf – Band of Horses

The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New

U and Left Turns - Socratic

**Please, Read, Enjoy and Review.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I have no affiliation with Sweet Ups either, I just go there to get drunk from time to time.**

* * *

I placed the last book on the shelf and took a step back with a triumphant smile on my face. I was officially a resident of New York City. Rosalie, Emmett and I had spent the entire day unpacking the contents of my old life into my new one. The room that Rose assigned me was surprisingly bigger than my room in Forks and I couldn't help but be relieved. I'd heard that New York City apartments were smaller than closets so I was a little apprehensive about how my living arrangements would work.

"Now that we're done with this unpacking bullshit, do you guys want to check out Edwards show at Sweet Ups tonight?" Emmett asked as he began breaking down the cardboard boxes that littered the room.

"Yeah for sure. Bella hasn't heard any of his stuff so we can initiate her with a bang tonight!" Rose exclaimed.

I had heard plenty about Edward Cullen from Rose and was excited to see him perform despite the reviews his seemingly horrendous personality had gotten from Rosalie. She said he was drop dead gorgeous, but he never had any girlfriends since she'd met him. She mentioned that he'd bring home a new girl almost every night but there were rumors that he refused to have sex with any of them which piqued my curiosity.

"I think he had a girlfriend before I had met the gang though but it must have ended badly because no one ever talks about it," she had mentioned.

Rose ended up having to loan me some of her clothes claiming that we were in the city now and my dingy clothes from Forks just wouldn't do. I couldn't help but agree with her a little, although I'd never admit it. When Emmett had mentioned that Sweet Up's was a bar I immediately protested stating that I wasn't 21 yet and I'd never get in. He explained that he knew the bouncer and that he already had Edward inform him to expect us.

When we arrived at the bar, we had no trouble getting in. I almost felt bad for my skepticism of Emmettt and his "connections". Upon entering the bar I could hear someone playing. I assumed he was Edward. Rose grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd to the front where we stood next to Alice who was sitting with who I presumed to be Jasper.

I smiled at them politely before turning to watch Edward play. When my eyes landed on him I was taken aback. Rose had said he was handsome, but that word was unworthy of being used to describe him. He was breathtaking. A black beanie was covering his hair, but I could still see bronze colored strands peaking out from underneath. The black t-shirt he had on fit snuggly on his body.

I had never been the type of girl to swoon over muscles, but his weren't the over done Jean Claude Van Dam type. His long lean fingers were strumming beautifully on his guitar, and I just stared at him like he held all the answers to life.

I hadn't realized he stopped playing until he opened his eyes and they rested upon me. Normally I would have turned five different shades of red and looked away, but I couldn't. Our eyes were locked in a silent staring contest. His eyes were emerald green and beautiful, but the pain held in them was evident.

He smiled our way, but I couldn't help but notice the way it didn't reach his beautiful eyes. They remained blank and seemingly devoid of life. I was yanked back into reality quite literally by Rose.

"What the fuck is up with you, Bella? I was yelling at you for like two minutes and you just stood there," she yelled. The bar was loud and crowded, but I could still hear every word she said, and I had been caught staring at Edward Cullen like a teenage school girl.

"Oh…sorry," was all the response I could muster. I was saved having to explain by Emmett.

"I bought my two favorite ladies some beer," he said as he handed us the pint glasses filled with dark amber liquid. I took mine gladly and began drinking it immediately, anything to avoid an interrogation.

"Hi, Bella! I haven't seen you in so long. I missed you! I'm so glad you decided to move here. I always had a feeling you would. Now we can all go shopping together!" I couldn't help but smile at the woman who stood before me bouncing up and down. Alice was extremely little but her personality and cheerfulness made up for that and her fashion sense was impeccable.

"Hi, Alice, it's great to see you too," I responded as I pulled her into a hug.

"This is my boyfriend Jasper," she said pointing to the man I had assumed to be him previously. He was much taller than Alice, with the same messy curly hair as Emmett, only his hair was blond. I could easily see how Alice had fallen for him so quickly.

"It's nice to meet you," I said as I shook his hand.

"Likewise, darlin', I've heard a lot about you," he said as he shook my hand. He smirked and my heart melted. His southern twang and killer smile immediately made me jealous of Alice. With Rosalie and Alice's great taste in men, I was secretly hoping that there would be some nice boys they could introduce me to, or maybe just Edward.

"Great show, Edward!" Alice exclaimed with her eyes set over my head.

I turned around quickly only to spill my drink on the man who was now in front of me.

"Oh, geez! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were standing so close," I said as I looked up to apologize. I was met with those already familiar green eyes.

"Well, if you hadn't noticed already, we're in a bar and everyone around you is standing a little too close," he said as he wiped down his shirt with a hand towel from his back pocket.

"Chill the fuck out, Cullen," Rosalie said as she took her place beside me.

"She spilled beer on me!" he yelled back.

"First of all, it was an accident. Also, she is my cousin and if you even think of being a dick to her, I'll be sure to cut yours off," she threatened as she grabbed my now empty beer and slammed it onto the bar.

"Fill it up, Kate. It's on Edward," Rose said to the bartender.

Edward looked down at her with a rage filled expression. Rose held a defiant expression of her own, daring Edward to protest. Finally, he sighed in defeat, slamming a five-dollar bill next to the now filled glass. Picking up the glass slowly as to not spill any of the contents, Edward handed it to me with a forced smile on his face.

"Sorry about that, Rosalie's cousin. Here is another beer. I'll be sure to not stand so close next time," he said with obvious contempt.

"Bella," I replied as nonchalantly as I could, choosing to ignore his tone and try to be kind despite his obvious irritation at me. I didn't get it. It was just an accident.

"What?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"My name…it's Bella," I explained. By this time we had all taken seats at the bar. I ended up sandwiched between Edward and Emmett. Everyone but Edward and I were immersed in conversation while they laughed and sipped their drinks. I was busy doodling on a napkin when I felt someone's gaze upon me.

"Can I help you?" I asked, probably a little too harshly, as I glanced up at Edward.

"Sorry, I was just wondering what you were drawing," he asked.

"Oh," I said surprised at his interest. I pushed the napkin to him and gauged his reaction. I had drawn the bouncer in more casual attire with a bird perched upon his shoulder. I had no clue how I had come up with the idea to draw a bird on his shoulder, but oddly enough, it didn't look out of the ordinary.

Edward studied the napkin for a few seconds before letting out a loud laugh. It was a sort of giggling laugh mixed with what sounded like wheezing. I stared at him dumbfounded and realized that the group had stopped their conversations to stare at Edward, matching my expression. When his laughter died down he noticed the lot of us staring at him.

"What?" he asked sounding confused.

"Nothing," they all replied almost in unison.

I watched the interaction between Edward and the others with mild amusement and curiosity. It was like they had never heard him laugh before, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Sure he had the look of a Greek god but he laughed like a Science geek. Strange. Intriguing, even. I decided then that I had to get to know him. I had to try to break his shell and bring life to those beautiful emerald green eyes. Most of all I had to make him laugh as much as I could, as the sound amused me immensely.

**EPOV**

I couldn't help but laugh at Bella's drawing of Garrett. He always thought of himself as some bad ass nature guy. It was the kind of picture he would want realistically painted of himself. Garrett with a big Falcon or Bald Eagle perched on his shoulder in a Captain Morgan stance. I could see it in my head. After my laughter died down I noticed that my friends were staring at me like I had two heads, which was ridiculous. Of course they'd heard me laugh before, so why the stares?

The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that it had been a long time since I had laughed in front of them. It wasn't as if I was a humorless, souless monster. In the comfort of my own home I'd laughed at all sorts of things like episodes of Family Guy and Will Ferrell movies. Usually the only time I spent with my family and friends was in bars after gigs, and I'd sit there sipping my drink listening to them all babble about weddings and new apartments but I never really joined in.

All of that contemplating made me even more furious with Bella. Who was she to waltz in here and cloud my thoughts and make me laugh like an idiot in front of everyone? Edward Cullen was never affected by anyone let alone some girl he had met merely five minutes ago.

"Thats really funny," I said as I shoved the napkin back to her.

"Thanks," she said quietly as she glanced up at me with a sad look in her eyes.

I immediately felt guilty for putting that look in her eyes, which scared the crap out of me. Feelings were not something I was used to having.

_**Anything to make you smile, you are the ever-living ghost of what once was...**_

"Kate, can I get a shot of Jameson?" I asked as I sighed and tried to look anywhere but at Bella again.

"Here you go, Cullen," she said as she slid my shot to me.

I picked it up and quickly gulped it down, appreciating the burn as it went down. I slammed the shot glass down onto the table upside down and noticed Bella jump slightly out of the corner of my eye.

"Sorry," I said in her direction without actually turning my head to look at her.

"It's fine," she said as she continued to doodle on her napkin.

It took everything in my will power to not glance over at her, and it was making me even more furious that she continued to have this effect on me. Finally giving up, I stood up and stared down at her. She looked up at me curiously from under her lashes. When she noticed how upset I looked she immediately looked away and began mindlessly stirring her drink.

_**My eyes can't look at you any other way...**_

When I was sure she wasn't paying attention I grabbed one of her doodled on napkins and placed it in my pocket. She had a few scattered there and I figured she wouldn't notice that one was missing.

"I'm leaving," I announced as I grabbed the pack of Parliaments from my back pocket and made my way towards the door. I heard a chorus of "Bye, Edward's" and "Later, dude's" as I stepped out into the cool night.

I handed a cigarette to Garrett and bid my farewell as I flung my guitar strap across my shoulder and made my way to the corner to flag a cab. I always took a train to my gigs and a cab back. The L Train was my personal hell on late nights and I refused to wait a half hour for the train with a bunch of stupid drunk college kids who snorted way too much coke. A cab on the other hand cost ten dollars and got me home in roughly fifteen minutes.

Never in my life had I been more relieved to be home. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped myself down in my writing chair with my guitar lying on my lap.

I stared at the bridge while plucking random strings on the guitar with one hand while I used the other one to absentmindedly sip my beer. Despite my protest, my thoughts drifted to Bella. Never had I ever felt such a plethora of emotions in one night in my life. It had been so long since I had felt anything other than annoyance towards anyone, yet Bella changed all of that in a matter of minutes and had only spoken less than fifty words to me.

I barely knew anything about her other than the fact that she could draw and seemed very accepting. Despite all my attempts to be rude to her, she not once gave the impression that she wanted to slap me and never talk to me again. It was almost as if she was drawn to me, and I wanted nothing more than to keep her as far away from me as possible. Getting to know me would never do her any good. I wasn't any good.

But god, she was beautiful.

I couldn't help but glance down at the chair I was sitting in. It seemed like from now on it would always make me think of her. It was warm chocolate brown like the color of her eyes and hair. I fleetingly wondered if she would be as soft and comfortable in my arms.

Emmettt had mentioned that she would be attending NYU in the Spring which meant she had to be smart.

The official summer months were over, although it seemed to be as though we were having an Indian summer still. I knew that she worked for The Daily Grind in Washington. Emmett must have worked her like a dog since her skin was pale white like she'd hadn't seen the sun all summer.

_**Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close.**_

I sighed heavily and placed my beer on the small side table beside me, switching it out for my notebook and pen. I let thoughts of Bella consume me before I placed my pen down onto the paper.

**I open my mouth but nothing comes out. You're the only topic I don't talk about. Your eyes so brown I can see myself in them, swimming in your gorgeous pupils. It's kind of like the way I wish we'd walk around. I'd buy you every diamond in the whole damn town. Don't you want the diamonds baby? Take me where the lights are low. There's something that I'd love to show you.  I'm just like a tree. I'll grow roots underneath you. This ground used to be nothing but soil. Remember when I told you everything was lovely? I lied. I was only confused. Right now I'm just dying very slowly.  Please let's leave for a holiday. Quit your life and we'll be on our way with the sun in our faces. I am so guilty, but you are so pretty. Real bad is what I've got. I'm at the bottom. You're at the top. A shade of skin that shows no mercy. Your lips are a sunset that sets over me and only me.**

I had to make Bella hate me, it was the only way to save her from the heart ache I would inevitably cause her. I could never bring myself to use her. She deserved better. But a big part of me wanted to keep her close, to feel every single emotion that she could make me feel because so far she had been the only one who could make me really feel anything.

It was then that my thoughts wandered to Tanya. She was Kate's sister and my ex girlfriend.

I had met Tanya one night at R Bar where Kate was bartending at the time. She was like every other girl I had seen. Blond hair, legs for days with curves to match. The kind of girl that guys would flock to and drool over for hours. I must have drunk way too much that night because when I woke up the next morning she was there beside me wearing nothing but the blanket that was draped over her body. I sat up slowly and regretted it immediately. My head ached and I could still taste the remnants of whiskey on my tongue. The movement must have woken her up because she turned to face me and sat up quickly when she saw me staring down at her. Once she realized that she was naked she jumped out of the bed pulling the sheet with her and wrapping it tightly around her body. I hadn't even considered the thought I could have possibly had sex with her until I looked down relieved that I was still fully dressed in my clothes from the night before.

"Tanya." I said trying to form it as a statement instead of a question. I was almost certain that it was her name, but I couldn't remember for sure.

"I'm such a fucking idiot," she admonished herself as she gathered up her clothes.

"What the fuck happened last night?" I asked frustrated as I handed her the jeans that were lying at the foot of the bed.

"Well I stripped and pretty much threw myself at you, but nothing happened," she sighed as she pulled on her jeans skillfully while holding the sheet tightly around her upper half.

"Oh," I sighed, relieved

"I mean Kate told me that you don't really date, but I thought that you at least got laid."

"I don't fuck girls that I barely know," I stated, no need for her to know that I didn't fuck girls at all.

"Well then get to know me," she said as she pulled her top on and dropped the sheet to the ground. I wanted to tell her no, to kick her out of my apartment and never talk to her again but something in the sad, hopeful look in her eyes broke me down.

It was then that I decided to try. Try to be normal and date a girl for the first time.

I took her out for brunch that morning and pretty much every morning after my gigs. She slept over almost every night and after a while it was a comfort I promised to never go without. I never wanted to go to sleep or wake up alone again. Things with us were going great until she started pushing for us to have sex. I tried to explain that it was important to wait and we would until the time was right, but she'd yell and accuse me of being gay.

I liked Tanya, at least as much as I was capable of liking someone. She was a nice girl and wasn't clingy or dependant. She was the kind of girl I felt like I could keep around. We had been seeing each other for almost two months before everything went down hill.

I took her to my place after a gig one night. We were both really drunk when she tried to undress me despite my protest. I ended up pushing her lightly and she fell onto the bed. I guess she must have thought that I was trying to take control of the situation because she lifted her top off with lust filled eyes and I just stared down at her with a guilty expression on my face.

"Fuck me, Edward," she said as she began to unhook her bra.

"No, Tanya," I replied sighing heavily.

I immediately felt guilty for the sadness that she started to display. "But..." she paused, "I love you, Edward, don't you love me?" she asked.

It was then that I couldn't pretend anymore. I didn't love her. I couldn't love her. For fucks sake I couldn't love anyone. Not trusting my voice I looked down at the floor before slowly shaking my head no.

"Fuck you!" she spat as she pulled her shirt on quickly and placed her hands on my chest shoving me back. My back hit the wall and I stared at her slightly stunned by her actions.

"You're an unfeeling bastard!" she yelled as she slapped me "You led me on! All this fucking time!"

She continued to slap and punch me as I stood there taking it. I deserved every single hit she delivered. I was selfish to keep stringing her along. I always knew it, but every night we fell asleep next to each other I thought that maybe in the morning things would be different and that I could learn to love her with time. I guess I was wrong.

"I hope you fall in love with someone and they rip your fucking heart out just like you did to me!"

With that she stormed out of the apartment. It was the last time I saw her. It was also the last time I tried to change; the last time I tried to feel.

* * *

_So now you have a look into Edwards past, he will be extremely emo and depressing for a long time but eventually he'll snap out of it. I pretty much have this whole story planned out except a few minor details. The more reviews I get the faster I update, I could use the encourgement!_


	6. She's The Type Of Girl

My beta **MadelaineJade** keeps me going, our talks gives me so many ideas that I now have a word document dedicated to everything I want to happen in this story. I also have another beta now, **Vicky**, who is my heterosexual soulmate, she fixes my horrendus grammer and tells me when Edward is being a little too bitchy.

This chapter is dedicated to **taciturnstream** who inspired me beyond belief when I asked her to help me pick the surprise guest for this chapter.

To all my reviewers, I love you all. I wish I could buy you all beers at Sweet Ups!

**All Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

The light filtering through my new bedroom window indicated that it must have been at least 11:00am; I groaned and rolled over with my arm draped across my eyes to protect them from the sun that was trying to disturb my sleep. I was certain that I felt the weight on my bed shift slightly, but I hadn't heard anyone enter the room. When I opened my eyes, I let out an ear-piercing scream and must have jumped nearly five feet in the air.

I was surrounded by laughter as I tried to get my heart rate under control.

"Bella…should've seen…face!" they managed to get out between their uncontrollable laughter.

"Rosalie, Alice," I said with anger, when I had opened my eyes I found them sitting on my bed, Rosalie on my left, Alice on my right. Their faces must have been only a few inches away from mine before I screamed.

"You better have a good reason to have woken me up this early after how much I drank last night, and Alice if you say anything about a Sample Sale then I will kill you and throw your body into the East River."

"You've been in New York for less than 24 hours and you're already bitching at us like you were born and raised here. I'm proud." Rosalie stated as she pretended to wipe tears from her eyes.

"Relax, Bella," Alice said as she began to rifle through my closet "I thought it would be nice if just us girls went out for brunch. We're going to Westville. It's only a few blocks away." She said as she threw a ruffled floral print dress at me.

I swung my legs off the bed and stood up while holding the dress in front of me. The top was ruffled with thick gray spaghetti straps. There was a tie in the middle of the dress that separated the top from the bottom. The bottom of the dress flared out slightly and had an extra tier at the bottom. I definitely didn't purchase it but I fell in love immediately. I looked at the tag. Lerok, it read. Crap, it must have easily cost $300.

"Alice, please don't tell me you bought this for me," I pleaded as I sighed and looked in her direction. She was standing there with an innocent look in her eyes.

_Gah! She must always get her way._

"Actually, I bought it for myself but since I'm so short, it was too long. I figured instead of letting it die in the back of my closet, that I'd give it to you. I was going to take some clothes to Buffalo Exchange but I thought it would be nicer to just give them to you," she explained.

"Thanks, Alice, but what is Buffalo Exchange?" I asked curiously.

"It's this thrift store of sorts a few blocks from here. They buy your clothes and give you cash or store credit for them. I usually get store credit because I always find amazing vintage pieces there, but like I said, you need the clothes so I gave them to you instead." I immediately felt better about accepting her gift. At least she didn't spend money on me intentionally.

"Put these shoes on and meet us in the living room. I want to get there before it starts to get busy," Rosalie said as she tossed me a pair of black studded gladiators and walked out the door with Alice following behind her.

Despite my usual appearance, I was very much into fashion. I just couldn't afford it, and sadly I didn't have the time to visit the nearest mall. Working at The Daily Grind more than covered for my living expenses so I was going to make use of the extra cash and redo my entire wardrobe. I was a New York City girl now and I desperately wanted to look the part. I'm sure Rosalie and Alice would love to help me out.

As I got dressed my thoughts drifted to the previous night. Edward's behavior was extremely bipolar. One minute he was laughing at my drawing, and the next he was practically shoving it back to me angrily. Not to mention how mad he looked at me before he stormed out of the place. I had no idea if I had done anything to provoke such behavior. Alice and Emmett had apologized and said it was probably not my fault, that Edward was a bit moody. Alice had mentioned offhandedly that I must have said something really funny to make Edward laugh because it was an unusual occurrence. I remembered feeling a huge sense of pride that I got the emotionless Edward Cullen to actually laugh. Bella, 1, Edward, 0.

I was still certain that I wanted to proceed with my plan of breaking down the wall he seemed to have built around himself. I'd try to chip away at it anyway. I mean, no one could stay that miserable forever.

I was broken out of my thoughts by incessant banging on the door.

"Hurry the fuck up, Bella! I don't have all day!" Rosalie yelled.

"Chill out! I'm coming!" I yelled back as I yanked the door open.

"OH! You look so hot," Alice said as she clapped her hands and circled me, inspecting my outfit.

"Thank you," I replied as I unwillingly blushed at her compliment.

Westville was, as Alice promised, only a few blocks away. The walk there was shorter than I expected. I took the time to mention to Alice and Rosalie that I would like to have them take me shopping so that I could update my wardrobe.

I thought Alice was going to have a heart attack at the mention of it. She bounced up and down and threw out names of stores I hadn't heard of way too fast for me to even comprehend fully what the hell she was saying.

We waited outside the cafe on one of the small benches outside. The hostess called for us and we followed behind her. She led us to a table in the front of the restaurant, near the big open windows. Alice and Rosalie took the outside chairs. I tried to be as graceful as I possibly could as I slid between two tables to get into the booth.

Once I sat down I took the time to survey the place. It was small with all the tables fairly close together. It had a sort of down home feel with the wooden benches and various vintage signs hanging on the walls. When my eyes landed on the counter near the back of the restaurant, I noticed a familiar head of bronze hair sitting down on one of the stools. My breath caught and I must have been staring for a while. I was broken out of my trance by Rosalie kicking me under the table.

"Ouch! What the fuck!" I yelled at her as I leaned down to rub my ankle.

"It's like every 10 minutes, I have to yell or cause bodily harm to get your attention these days. What the hell's gotten you so dazed this time?" she asked as she turned around in her seat to see what was holding my attention. When her eyes landed on him she chuckled and shoved Alice so that she too could take a look.

"You totally have the hots for Edward, don't you?" Rosalie asked as she leaned forward to whisper. Alice's face lit up at the question and she too leaned in to hear my answer.

"It doesn't even matter. He pretty much scowls at me every chance he gets," I responded.

"Don't take it personally, Bella, Edward is just...different," Alice offered but I couldn't help but think that maybe she was covering too much for his rude behavior.

"'Different?'" I questioned. "He's down right rude. He didn't even bother to have a real conversation with me before he decided to hate me and just glared at me every time I looked his way. Does he ever even smile? I mean, I just don't get why someone can be so harsh to everyone for no reason." I knew that I was talking loudly. I was actually hoping that he could hear every word I said.

"Bella," they chastised in unison at my volume, but it was too late. Edward was already making his way to our table. Alice and Rosalie looked up and smiled when he appeared next to Alice's chair.

"Hello, Alice, Rosalie," he greeted, and then his eyes landed on me. I expected him to give me the same scowling look that he had given me last night, but to my surprise his eyes softened and he smiled. He actually smiled!

"Hello, Bella," he greeted.

"Oh, Edward! You have to join us!" Alice demanded as she nearly shoved him between the two tables to sit next to me.

_Great, now I had to eat breakfast with Mr. Grouchward sitting next to me._

"Stupid, pushy pixie," I mumbled.

"What was that, Bella?" he asked as he leaned in and whispered into my ear.

Alice and Rosalie were too busy planning our shopping expedition to notice the exchange.

"Nothing," I replied angrily. I didn't want him to get away with thinking that he could treat me like dirt one day and turn around and be nice the next. I was not going to be one of his playthings.

Alice was messing around with her iPhone when it began to buzz. "Oh! I have to take this. Sorry, guys!" she said as she answered the phone.

I watched as she conversed with whoever it was on the phone, mouthing the words "uh oh" to Rosalie. Once she was done with her call she turned to me with an apologetic look in her eyes. "Crap! Bella, we're going to have to reschedule this girls' day. There was a leak in the baby boutique I own! I need to get over there or else nothing will get done," She explained.

"Oh that's all right. I still have Rose," I said with a fake smile across my face. She was totally bullshitting me.

"Actually, Rosalie has to come with me. She's my right hand woman," Alice said as she stood up and pushed her chair in "But I'm sure Edward will be more than happy to show you around today."

"I doubt Edward would want to accompany me on a shopping trip," I replied. I was not going to let her get away that easily.

"I wouldn't mind," Edward said with nonchalance as he looked over the menu. All of us turned to look at him with surprised expressions on our faces.

_What the fuck is he thinking?_

"Look at that Bella. Well then, it's settled! I won't see you tonight because Emmett and I have not had any alone time in over a week. You have all our numbers, so feel free to call if you get scared at night or anything. Please make sure the doors are locked before you go to bed, you're not in Forks anymore, Toto." Before I knew it they were gone and I was left alone with Edward.

Alice Cullen used a fake iPhone application to get Edward and me alone together. There was no real phone call. It was an application that simulated a phone call, most likely created to get out of bad dates or awkward situations. But no, Alice used it to force Edward and me together, and the fucker agreed to it! I didn't know much about him, but I would guess that he didn't regularly spend the day shopping with anyone, let alone a girl he barely knew.

"And then there were two," he said as he walked around the table to take one of the seats previously occupied by Alice and Rose. We were now sitting across from each other.

"You know that you don't really have to go shopping with me right?" I asked casually as I looked over the specials. He raised his head and seemed to be debating something as he responded.

"I know, but I don't really have anything better to do today," he explained.

There was no way real way to explain his behavior through brunch. We ate almost in silence and when the waitress openly flirted with him, he just flirted right back as if I weren't even sitting there. When she asked if we wanted dessert we both declined and before she could fetch our check I asked her to bring us two separate ones. No way was I paying for him or he paying for me.

Once we paid our separate checks, I let him lead the way. We walked about ten blocks in silence before he explained to me that were now in SOHO which apparently stood for South Of Houston Street but Houston was pronounced House-ten unlike the city in Texas. I made a note to learn all the names of the neighborhoods in Manhattan. That was something all real New Yorkers knew. I already knew that I lived in Alphabet City and was very close to the East Village, and that the bar we went to last night was located in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I decided to start off by going to Bloomingdales. It was easier to shop in a big store where I was barely noticed than at a small boutique with a sales clerk sizing me up while I shopped. We started on the first floor and I was immediately drawn to the sunglasses display. I had always wanted a pair of Ray Bans but they seemed a little silly to have while living in Forks. I'd rarely be able to wear them there, but here in New York the sun was plentiful. Plus, I deserved a little present for breaking up with Jake the way I did. Kicking your ex-boyfriend in the crotch while he still had a hard on just deserved a present in my book.

"Which ones do you like?" I asked Edward as I tried on a variety of different colors of Wayfarers.

"The black ones are cool," he replied as he tried on a few pairs himself.

"Edward?" a voice asked from behind me.

I turned around to come face to chest with a tall strawberry blonde. Her hair was pulled up into Heidi braids and she wore a simple plain tank top with a pair of skinny jeans and flip-flops. I hated girls like her, the kind of tall, skinny girls who looked flawless in t-shirts and jeans. If I wore what she had on I'd look like I was spending my day doing laundry.

"Tanya," Edward said as his body stiffened. He got this sort of deer caught in headlights look on his face.

"How are you?" she asked with a pained look in her eyes. I wondered if she was the failed relationship that Rosalie had mentioned.

"I'm okay. How about you?" he asked

"I'm well," Tanya replied. "I was thinking that maybe we should go to dinner sometime and catch up." Who the hell did she think she was? What if Edward were my boyfriend? She pretty much asked him out on a date in front of me. What was it with New York City girls? Did they all assume that there would be no way in hell that Edward would date me?

I cleared my throat to make my presence known since no one else was bothering to acknowledge me.

"Oh..." he paused "Tanya, this is Rosalie's cousin, Bella. Bella, this is Tanya." He introduced me as Rosalie's cousin. She would probably guess immediately that I was the charity case he so graciously offered to take care of, which I couldn't help but feel like anyway. That really wasn't very far from the truth.

"Nice to meet you!" she said as she held out a hand to shake mine. I shook her hand firmly and went back to busying myself with the sunglasses.

"I would love to go to dinner with you." He looked over at me out of the corner of his eye, I didn't think he knew I could see him do it through the mirror I was looking in. "Actually, I'm free now if you'd like to go to lunch. You wouldn't mind right Bella?" he asked.

No shit, I'd mind.

"Oh no, it's fine, Edward," I replied through clenched teeth. How dare he ditch me after not even spending 30 minutes shopping with me. I thought we were just beginning to make progress, but of course not!

"Well great. We can go to Silver Spurs," she said as she walked passed me and linked her arm with Edward's. I watched them walk out the front door with a mixture of annoyance and defeat upon my face.

"Bye," I said to no one as I grabbed the pair of black Ray Bans and made my way to the register.

I placed the sunglasses on the counter and rifled through my purse to find my wallet. I guess I wasn't paying much attention because I failed to notice the sales clerk behind the register.

"Bella?" the clerk asked.

I looked up at the mention of my name and was shocked when I realized who it was.

* * *

_uh oh, who could it be? my Bella knows fashion and she knows it well, I will post the link to my photobook soon where you will be able to see the places/clothing described here. Things are going to pick up a lot after this post, more drama, more Edward/Bella action, just more awesomeness all around! _

_Westville is real and their bacon cheeseburgers are insanely yummy, also I just so happen to work at Buffalo Exchange and the baby boutique mentioned. Sadly Alice Cullen is not my boss._

_Reviews are incredible and if you have any song suggestions for Edward feel free to send them my way!_


	7. Jesus Christ

My Beta's **MadelineJade **and **Vicky **are incredible and this story wouldn't be what it is without them 3

This chapter shows a deeper insight into Edward's past. Also you can now read this story on Twilighted!

words in italics are meant to be Edward thinking, italic and bolded are lyrics he is writing in his head.

**Warning - Lemon Alert**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer. **

**

* * *

EPOV**

Once we were out the front door I immediately removed Tanya's arm from my own, the last thing I needed to do was give her the wrong impression which is exactly what I wanted to give Bella. When Alice tried to pull one on me I decided that now was as good a time as any to put my plan to get Bella to hate me into action.

All through brunch I fought strange urges to hold her hand and tuck her hair behind her ear, which made me want to get away from her even faster. When the waitress made a few suggestive comments I chose to flirt right back. I felt guilty for the way Bella looked as she watched me shamelessly flirt with our waitress. Surely she knew that she was far more beautiful than any women sitting in the restaurant but I couldn't tell her that. I couldn't let her fall for me.

Running into Tanya was the last thing I expected, the sight of her made me want to grab Bella and run in the other direction. I didn't want to face her; I didn't want to feel the guilt again.

When she asked me to dinner I saw a golden opportunity. Tanya deserved a better explanation as to why things turned out the way they did, and I could use it to my advantage to make Bella angry. I didn't see her face when we left but I could feel her eyes burning a hole into the back of my head.

Tanya and I walked to Silver Spurs; it was a small diner that was sort of Cowboy themed. It wasn't a place I'd ever picture Tanya going, but the food was good and we had come here many mornings after my gigs.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked as we sat down at a table.

"I want you to tell me why you couldn't love me." She said nonchalantly.

I was bewildered by her candidness; surely she couldn't expect me to lay out twenty-three years of my life out on the table. I had never told anyone about that fateful day that shut me down seven years earlier.

"Please Edward, it's the least you could do." She leaned over and put her hand over mine, the look in her eyes broke my resolve just like it had done the morning I decided to try for her. She was right. I had broken her heart, and I could at least tell her why.

"Okay." I nodded before pulling my hand away from hers; I slouched in my chair and took a deep breath.

"When I was about fifteen, I walked in on my parents having a conversation about me..." I took a sip of my water to clear my throat before continuing. "Apparently my mother had an affair before I was born. Carlisle was working long hours at the hospital, leaving her to take care of Emmett on her own most of the time. I guess she met someone and they began sleeping together..."

I shut my eyes and took another deep breath before continuing.

"Then she got pregnant with me. Esme told Carlisle about the affair and they worked through things in therapy from what I gather. The point is that there is a chance that the man whom she had an affair with could be my father; Carlisle didn't want a paternity test taken because he said he'd rather not know if I wasn't his. Not that you would think that from the way they both treated me. I know my parents love me, but I also know that they resent me. Every time they look at me they are forced to think back to a bad time in their marriage. Alice and Emmett got more attention when we were younger because they were made out of love; they were wanted. I'm just the poor bastard son who doesn't know who his daddy is." I opened my eyes and was a little surprised to see Tanya looking at me with a slightly angered expression.

"What does that have to do with your inability to love me?" she huffed.

"Because I can't fucking love anyone if I can't trust anyone!" I shouted. A few people turned their heads to look at me.

I lowered my voice before speaking again " Before I left for the city I told my parents of my plans to play music. My mother fucking cried saying I was throwing my life away and my father said that no son of his was going to be some hippy musician in New York City. Then he laughed and said it was a good thing I probably wasn't his son. Ever since that day, I haven't bothered to try to connect with anyone. I've been so fucking numb ever since. I tried to love you Tanya, I really did. You're an incredible woman, but I can't love you the way you want me to. I care for you very much, as much as I can care for anyone at this point."

"But you feel something for Rosalie's cousin," she stated as if it were mere fact.

"I don't know what the fuck I feel for Bella," I said as I put my head in my hands. It's amazing how comfortable I was in my life before Bella came around. I thought I was content being alone, accepting that the only thing I could love was my music. It had been less than twenty-four hours since Bella had arrived in New York and she had effectively turned my life upside down.

"You are going to fall for her. Hard," Tanya said with a sigh.

"How do you even know that?" I asked frustrated with her assumptions.

"I have never seen you look more alive than you looked when you were standing next to her. I'm sure she thinks you hate her with the way you were glaring at her, but I know better...you feel something for her. I'm not sure if you have realized this already or not. But I know that you will fall for her if you haven't already." I just stared at her for what felt like an immeasurable amount of time before I finally spoke.

"I can't drag her into my mess. I don't even know how to love someone. I can't hurt her." That was as much truth as I could afford myself. To admit that I knew I could love Bella. I could love her with everything I had, but it would never make me good enough for her. I could never be enough, so I refused to allow myself the pleasure of keeping her close.

"Geez, Edward, do you have to be so melodramatic all the time?" She asked as she took a bite of her salad. Through our talk I hadn't realized that the food had arrived. I opted to just have a coffee since it hadn't been that long since I had eaten brunch with Bella.

"You more than anyone should understand how easily it is for me to hurt someone." I immediately felt guilty for bringing up our past.

"I was more hurt that you could dismiss me so easily. You were like a puzzle to me, and I was upset that I couldn't put you back together. I'm over it now. More than anything I miss your friendship."

"I'm so very sorry, Tanya," I sighed heavily before taking a sip of my coffee.

"If there is anything I can do to help out with this Bella situation, you let me know," she offered, and immediately a thought popped into my head. I knew how to keep Bella away from me without actually having to try so hard.

"You could pretend to be my girlfriend to keep her away," I blurted out. She was shocked at first, but I could tell she was thinking it over before she spoke again.

"That is totally unfair to ask of me and you know it. I don't even know why you won't give it a shot with her, but if this is what you need then fine," she sighed with a defeated expression upon her face.

"Thank you. I have a gig tonight. You're more than welcome to come along." The sooner we could get this show on the road the better.

"Fine, I already heard you're playing at Sweet Up's again so I'll be there at 9:00," she said as she rose from the table. "Lunch is on you," she stated as she left me sitting there.

I pulled the notebook from my back pocket and placed it on the table along with the pen behind my ear. It was only a few hours before my show and I had yet to fill my one song a day quota.

**Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face**

**The kind you'd find on someone that could save**

**If they don't put me away**

**Well, it'll be a miracle**

**Do you believe you're missing out?**

**That everything good is happening somewhere else?**

**But with nobody in your bed**

**The night's hard to get through**

**And I will die all alone**

**And when I arrive I won't know anyone**

**Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again**

**So what did you do those three days you were dead?**

**'Cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.**

**Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,**

**I'm a little bit scared of what comes after**

**Do I get the gold chariot?**

**Do I float through the ceiling?**

**Do I divide and fall apart?**

**'Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark**

**And the ship went down in sight of land**

**And at the gates, does Thomas ask to see my hands**

**I know you're coming in the night like a thief**

**But I've had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique**

**I know you think that I'm someone you can trust**

**But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up**

**So do you think that we could work out a sign?**

**So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try**

**I know you're coming for the people like me**

**But we all got wood and nails**

**And we turn out hate in factories**

**We all got wood and nails**

**And we turn out hate in factories**

**We all got wood and nails**

**And we sleep inside of this machine**

I closed my notebook and took the last sip of my coffee before placing a $20 bill on the table.

I spent the entire train ride home flipping through my notebook, trying to decide what songs to play tonight. I wanted to play something that I had written about Bella. Although I could never tell her how her I felt, I could at least sing it to her and hope that she didn't realize who I was singing about.

I spent the rest of my afternoon jotting down verses, choruses and anything that came into my head. By the time I closed my notebook I realized that it was dark outside; the lights on the bridge were already lit up. I still had a few hours before it was time to arrive at the bar, I decided to walk there tonight. It was only a few blocks distance and would only take me about an hour.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket alerting me to a new text message. To my surprise, I had received a few while I was writing. I always had my phone on silent as to not distract myself.

Way to strand Bella, Doucheward. I am going to kick your ass. – **Rosalie**

Mom raised you better than to leave a poor girl new to the city alone to fend for herself. Shame on you. – **Alice**

Bro, watch out tonight cause Rosie is pissssssed! see ya later - **Emmett**

The last text message was the one that surprised me the most

Rain check? - **Bella**

Rosalie must have put my number in Bella's phone. I shouldn't have been so happy knowing she wanted to see me again even after I blew her off. She must be a glutton for punishment. I hit the reply button and typed the words I so badly wanted to say to her

I could love you

I sat there staring at the phone in my hand for a good 10 minutes before I deleted the words. I could never utter them to her. I never even knew I had a heart that could be broken until she came along, but now it could never be whole because without her I would never be whole.

Things were better this way.

I kept repeating the phrase in my head over and over as I walked to the bar. When I arrived there I noticed Tanya standing outside, chatting with Garrett.

"Hey, Tanya...Garrett," I greeted when I approached the front door.

"You owe me a pack of cigarettes and Kate's phone number for letting your friends in tonight. You know I like helping you out but if word gets out then I could get in a shit load of trouble," he whispered to me while glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

"Yeah man. Sorry about that," I offered "I will warn them to keep their numbers low."

"Sorry, buddy, I just value my job," he said as he opened the door, motioning for Tanya and me to enter.

As we walked into the bar she grabbed my hand and laced our fingers. I looked down at our interlocked hands questioningly before I followed her gaze to the back of the bar. The whole gang including Bella was seated in the back watching Tanya and me. The look in Bella's eyes killed me. I wanted nothing more than to drop Tanya's hand and go over to kiss Bella, tell her that I loved her and no girl has or ever will make me feel anything let alone the immeasurable amount of emotion I felt for her.

It was then that I noticed there was an extra person added to the group. I immediately recognized the person as Angela, the talent manager for the bar. Taking a deep breath we approached the group with our hands still locked.

"Hey everyone," I greeted with a nod.

"What are you doing here, Tanya?" Rosalie asked as she made no secret of her distaste for Tanya.

"Edward and I are back together," Tanya replied as she held up our joined hands as if that were some tangible proof of our relationship.

There were a few mumbled replies but I didn't bother to listen hard enough to hear what was said, my eyes were on Bella. Her eyes were glazed over and her fists were clenched at her sides. It took everything in me to keep up our little charade.

_This is for her benefit_. I thought over and over again.

"I should go get ready," I said as I let go of Tanya's hand and made my way onto the stage. After I did my sound check I introduced myself quickly before playing the song I had written earlier.

When the last note rang out I took a deep breath, I just had to get through the next few songs and I could rid these feelings for Bella.

"These next few songs are new and they mean a lot to me." I said into the microphone; let everyone interpret that in their own way. I would not be explaining those feelings tonight, or ever.

"This one's called **In Transit (For You)**."

I began to strum the chords with my eyes cast down on my guitar; I couldn't stand to look at Bella. I took a deep breath and fixed my gaze above the heads of the audience members before I began to sing.

**Dream baby for me**

**I'll be waiting here for you**

**Pack your things, fly to me**

**Scatter me across the sky**

**I'll shine all night**

**And just like a star**

**I'll fall for you**

**Baby if you want me to**

**I'd do anything for you**

**Just say the words and I'd give you the world**

**Yeah, but that's not good enough**

**Starlit sea will be our dance floor**

**And birds will sing our song**

**And your scars, your scars will heal**

**For You**

**Baby if you want me to**

**I'd do anything for you**

**And just say the words, and I'd give you the world**

**Yeah, but that's not good enough**

**And Baby if you wanted me to, why not say so**

**Let me go 'cause I can't shine bright enough for you**

**I shine for you**

**I fall**

**Dream baby for me**

**I'll be waiting here for you**

Silence had fallen upon the bar, all eyes fixed upon me. My ears were ringing and my heart pounding.

_Just get through the next song_

I thought to myself.

"This is called **A Dream For Us**," I said as I chanced a glance at Bella, she was staring right at me with her beautiful big brown eyes filled with sadness. I looked away as quickly as I could and jumped right into the song.

'**Cause what I feel inside**

**I don't want to hide**

**It's you that got to me**

**It's what I want to sing**

'**Cause I've got a dream for us**

**Running through my mind**

**Sitting on the beach**

**Looking at the sea**

**And we're old and tired**

**And time has made us smile**

**As we go on counting things**

**People in the breeze**

**We're not the only ones**

**There's hundreds on the shore**

**Looking at the sea**

**But it's just you and me**

**If the day never comes**

**I sink beneath the tide**

**Will you still be with me?**

**Or disappear?**

When the last note rang out I set my guitar down and exited the bar through the side door next to the stage. When I had stopped playing it felt like the walls were closing in on me and oxygen was being sucked out of my lungs. I needed to escape. Once outside I rested my back against the cool brick wall and pulled out a cigarette from my back pocket. Once it was lit I allowed myself to slide down the wall and sit on the concrete with my back resting upon it.

_**If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way.**_

I must have been lost in my humming because I didn't hear someone join me until I felt her presence next to me. I could immediately tell it was her by her smell, freesias with a hint of strawberries that became more potent when the wind blew through her hair. I fleetingly wished we could have a happily ever after, that she'd know how deeply she touched my heart and we'd walk into the sunset hand in hand. But that's not how this would end.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked as she pulled out a pack of Parliaments from her pocket. We even smoked the same fucking cigarettes.

"Free country," I replied coldly.

She half smiled and lit the cigarette, I hated that she smoked. It was a dirty disgusting habit and someone as beautiful as her should always stay pure and perfect.

"Your girlfriend seems nice. She's very beautiful," she said as she took a pull.

_She pales in comparison to you._

"Tanya is great," I replied feigning enthusiasm. Fuck my bright ideas and me. I never realized until now that I had to keep Tanya around in order to save face.

"What about you? Are you dating anyone?" I asked as I prayed she was single. Yes, I was a fucking hypocrite.

"I just got out of a long term relationship," she replied with a distant look in her eyes, her mouth turned down into a frown.

"What happened?" I'd kill any motherfucker that hurt her.

_You're planning to hurt her douche bag. You planning on killing yourself?_

"He put me down any chance he got and ruined my fucking self esteem. I walked in on him cheating on me. He said it was my fault because I wouldn't suck his dick." She let out a sarcastic laugh as she shook her head from side to side while taking a pull from her half done cigarette. The words coming out of her mouth shocked me. I never expected her to be an angel, but I also never expected her to talk like Rosalie.

She was going to be the death of me.

"You are incredibly beautiful and you should never let anyone make you feel as if you are any less," I replied as I placed a kiss on her cheek. My breath caught as my lips made contact with her skin. It was so soft and I could smell the strawberries in her hair much more than before, I stood up as soon as I pulled away.

"I should go inside," I said quickly as I offered her my hand. She hoisted herself up and we stood there just staring into each other eyes. I felt as if I were trying to convey my feelings for her, to let her know everything. That I could love her fiercely, but I would end up hurting her and taking that chance was not a possibility. She made me feel, and I would forever be grateful.

"There you are, baby. Lets go home," Tanya said as she squeezed herself in the space between Bella and me, burying her face in my chest as she wrapped her arms around me. I felt her hand slip into my front pocket and graze my dick. She leaned up and nibbled on my ear before whispering loud enough for Bella to hear, "I want to fuck the shit out of you tonight."

It took everything in me to not shove Tanya away. She was drunk as fuck, but she was trying to do me a favor. I grimaced at her words and Bella let out a small laugh. I mouthed the words "I'm sorry" before I picked Tanya up and threw her over my shoulder. She was wearing 5 inch fuck me heels and the last thing I needed to do was spend the night in the ER with her while she complained about fucking up her nose job.

As soon as we made it into my apartment I carried her to my bed, laying her down softly. I knew that I would probably be staying up all night in my writing chair, analyzing every way Bella looked at me and all the things she said.

_She's turned you into such a pussy, dude and you barely know her._

As I laid Tanya down my cheek grazed hers and she whispered my name before pulling me down on top of her. Suddenly her lips met mine and I couldn't stop myself, our tongues fought for dominance and I let her take over. I rolled over onto my back and she followed, straddling my waist as our lips connected again.

You're so fucking worthless. You don't deserve Bella.

Her face flashed in front of my eyes and suddenly I felt as if I were kissing her. When I opened my eyes I replaced Tanya's blue eyes and blonde hair for brown ones. When she sat up to unbuckle my belt I didn't refuse her, instead I sat up and let her take control. I needed to get Bella out of my fucking head. She was never going to be mine and it was time to accept that and move on with my miserable life.

I placed my hands on the hem of her shirt and pulled it off, tossing it to the floor. I sat up and pulled the cups of her bra down, latching my mouth to her right nipple.

"Fuck, Edward," she moaned as I pinched and rolled the other with my thumb and index finger, all the while my mouth licking and sucking the opposite one. My mouth lost contact with her breast as she pulled my shirt over my head; I took the opportunity to push my jeans off along with my boxers.

For the first time in my life, I was naked in front of a girl. I was too fucking numb to even care. If I was going to be miserable then I might as well give Tanya what she wanted. It was the least I could do. I must have been lost in thought because I hadn't notice Tanya making her way down my body until I felt her lick the head of my dick.

"I can't, I can't, I can't," I chanted before she pressed her index finger to my lips.

"Just pretend I'm Bella," she whispered, before I could protest she took me into her mouth.

"Fuck," I groaned against my will. Her tongue swirled around the tip and physically it felt so fucking good but my ears were ringing, my head was pounding and I felt so fucking sick to my stomach. I closed my eyes as tight as I could and let the images of Bella flood my mind. When I opened my eyes I saw her, her chocolate hair cascading across my thigh as she deep throated me, her beautiful brown eyes looking up at me as she moaned around me.

"Bella," I moaned.

She had lowered her mouth onto my dick, sucking as she bobbed her head up and down. My hips were bucking involuntarily and when her hand moved down to fondle my balls, I knew I wouldn't last long. My first blowjob and I was going to blow my load within the first three minutes.

"Bella," I moaned again as I began bucking my hips up into her mouth.

"I want you so bad. I need you. You feel so fucking good." I yelled as I came, spilling into her mouth. She let me go with a 'pop' and that is when it hit me.

I let Tanya suck my dick, Tanya. Not Bella. Not my girl.

I knew that I would never have her, but the pain was unbearable. I was completely unaware of the world around me as I stared up at the ceiling as if god were to appear to give me the answers, to fix all the things I have broken. I hadn't realized that I was crying until I felt Tanya dry away a tear with her thumb.

"You're _crying. _Un fucking believable. I can't fucking do this anymore, this is sick. Grow up, Edward." She said as she rose off of bed.

As soon as I heard the door to the apartment close I rose out of bed, grabbing my pants and pulling them on in a daze.

"You're so fucking useless. Why couldn't you at least try with Bella?" As soon as her name left my mouth, I felt the anger rise. I was angry at my mother for cheating, angry at my father for not wanting to know who I belonged to, angry at both of them for not loving me. Most of all I was angry at myself for being a fucking idiot, for not allowing myself to even try. For hurting Bella because I was scared of hurting her. Fucking oxymoron.

I let out a frustrated yell and shoved my side table lamp to the ground. "You're so fucking useless!" I yelled at myself as I repeated the action with the lamp on the other side of the bed.

"Bella. You hurt Bella." Taking my guitar I smashed it into the mirrored doors of my closet. I kept hitting it over and over again until the glass was completely shattered as well as my guitar. I slid to the ground, leaning against the wall beside the closet, not caring that the glass was cutting into my hands.

_You deserve this._

I repeated to myself relentlessly, getting up from the ground after being silent for sometime, dragging myself to the bed.

"You are the smell before the rain, you are the blood in my veins," I sang as I lay down on top of the sheets. I could feel the blood on my hands but I couldn't feel the pain.

* * *

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Jesus Christ - Brand New**

**In Transit (for you) - Matchbook Romance**

**A Dream For Us - Appleseed Cast**

**The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New**

I have had a major writers block and can not bring myself to start chapter 10, reviews might motivate me!


	8. Ne Me Quiette Pas

Your reviews got me out of my week long writers block, now that chapter 10 is written I decided it was time to set Chapter 8 free for your eyes. I love writing this story and love it even more that you all enjoy it so much.

My Beta **MadelineJade **continues to be amazingly supportive and patient with me, she's the best.

**Vicky** has surprised me with how much she enjoys this story, I never expected for someone who has worked in Barnes and Nobles for like 70 years whom is an avid reader and a very intelligent person to be super excited for new chapters. It baffles my mind and flatters me to no end!

New characters in this chapter. As always, **read, review and enjoy!**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

Angela?!" I asked in shock. Angela Weber had been one of my only friends in high school, but she had moved to New York after graduation to attend Columbia. We had barely kept in touch by sending sporadic emails here and there.

"What are you doing here?!" she asked as she walked around the counter to envelop me in a hug.

"I live here now! I'm going to NYU in the Spring," I explained "What about you? It's been so long since we've talked."

"Well I work here at Bloomingdales obviously and at night I am a talent manager at Sweet Ups, a bar in Williamsburg. Even with two jobs I can barely afford rent."

"I was at Sweet Ups last night! Edward Cullen is the brother of my cousin Rosalie's husband." Saying his name brought back the anger I felt earlier.

Stupid prick, how dare he leave me for that blonde bimbo?

But I also made a mental note to ask Rose if I could get a roommate. Angela would be perfect, and I knew the rent would be way more affordable than whatever she was paying now.

"Edward is an all right guy. He's always been very sweet to me, but I've heard stories," she offered with a smile.

"He's a real winner," I grumbled.

"I saw him walk out with that blonde. I think that's his ex girlfriend."

"Ah, I've heard that he had a girlfriend at one point but things went sour. I wonder who cheated on who." Either she turned him into the unfeeling asshole he was today or he always was that way. Who even knew at this point?

"Hmm, not sure about that," she shrugged. "Well, I have to get back to work, but I'm sure I'll see you tonight! We'll do some more catching up," she said as she hugged me once more before completing my sale.

When she rang me up she used her friends and family discount which I thanked her for profusely. I smiled as I thought about how the girls would be jealous of my discount.

Alice and Rosalie wanted to help me get dressed for the night, but I decided on wearing the same clothes I had during the day. I was not trying to impress anyone. My plan with Edward had failed before it had even begun. He was a lost cause. I bravely took the train to the bar alone and was thrilled to see Angela talking outside with the doorman.

"Hey Angela!" I greeted.

"Oh! Bella, you made it!" she said as she grabbed my hand and led me through the doors.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss the chance to spend time with you." We took a seat at the bar, and I noticed that instead of one bartender there were now two and one of them was most definitely a gorgeous male.

"James, give me two Washington Apples," Angela ordered as I took him in. James was tall, about 6'1 with buzzed hair, and his blue eyes were mesmerizing. I couldn't help but stare a little slack jawed as he made our drinks. Angela must have noticed my infatuation because she took the opportunity to introduce us as he served us our drinks.

"James, this is my good friend from back home, Bella. Bella, this is one of my good New York friends, James."

"Nice to meet you," he said as he shook my hand. He smiled crookedly as his eyes met mine.

This boy was trouble.

"Likewise," I responded.

"Here's to old friends starting over in a new city," Angela toasted as we clinked our shot glasses together. We downed our shots and high fived before we slammed them back on the table upside down.

"Those actually weren't bad." It definitely tasted like apples, and thankfully the alcohol did not burn too much on its way down.

"They're my favorite," she grinned.

I looked around the bar to notice that it had become quite full. I soon spotted Rosalie and the others standing near the front of the stage.

"Oh, I see my friends. I'll introduce you," I said as I grabbed her hand and pulled her off the stool. We made our way through the crowd while yelling 'Excuse me, Pardon me, Thank you' the entire way.

"Bella! You made it!" Alice said as she hugged me tightly. She completely caught me off guard. I stumbled back a bit and let out a small laugh.

"Nice to see you, too." I barely knew Alice but already I loved her. "Everyone this is my only friend from Forks, Angela. Angela this is Rosalie my cousin, her husband Emmett, his sister Alice and her boyfriend, Jasper." I pointed to everyone as I introduced them. They all stepped forward to shake Angela's hand.

"Hey, Rosalie, Angela and I did some catching up and she is having a tough time making ends meet. I was wondering if it would be okay to invite her to live with me. There are 2 extra rooms and I really hate to live alone," I asked with a hopeful look in my eyes.

"You don't have to do that Bella," Angela said as she smiled at me.

"Shush, Angela, of course you can room with Bella. I hate to think of her living alone for the first time in a place like New York," Rosalie said.

"Thank you so much Bella, Rosalie. The apartment will make my commute to my jobs much easier," Angela replied brightly with relief.

"Rent will only be about $200 a month split between the two of us," I explained, the look on Angela's face was priceless. I had to laugh. Rent control was a beautiful thing indeed.

"Holy shit! I can quit that damn job at Bloomingdales," she said excitedly. I laughed again. It was a shock to me to hear Angela curse. Not that I thought she was a saint, but I'd never heard her cuss before.

"Oh look, Edward's here." Emmett pointed to the entrance of the Bar. "Uh oh, he's with her," he added. It was then that I could see he was with the woman from earlier. Their hands were linked together and immediately I felt the anger start to boil. The nerve of him bringing her here after he ditched me. Didn't he even feel bad? I was sure he had been read the riot act by everyone already about how it took me an hour to find my own apartment.

"Hey everyone," Edward greeted with a nod.

"What are you doing here, Tanya?" Rosalie asked angrily, uh oh she had her bitch face on.

"Edward and I are back together," Tanya replied as she held up their joined hands and smiling. She was giddy. I had to keep from rolling my eyes. Funny that Edward didn't look as giddy though. Then again, he was a grouch and an asshole.

_Oh that's nice, now you guys can be douche bags together and have douchey children._

My fists were clenched at my sides and my eyes were starting to glass over. Yes, I was one of those people. The kind of person who cried when they were angry. I wanted to hit something or someone, preferably the tall green-eyed dickhead or his blonde cunt of a girlfriend.

"I should go get ready," he said as he let go of Tanya's hand and walked toward the stage.

Great now I have to actually talk to this bitch.

"So, Isabella, I hear you just moved to New York City," she yelled over Edward's playing.

"Bella," I replied angrily.

"What?" she asked with a confused look upon her face.

"My name is Bella," I yelled.

"Whatever," she replied as she turned and approached the bar. I watched her and my self-esteem took another huge hit. I would never be as beautiful or graceful as her.

Nor would I be as whorish. I added as I watched her shamelessly flirt with James. After four minutes of leaning over the bar while giving James a view of her perfect breasts, she made her way over with a martini glass in hand.

I couldn't bear to look at her anymore. Edward had finished his first song and began to introduce the next one.

"These next few songs are new and they mean a lot to me," he explained as he took a deep breath. "This one's called In Transit (For You)."

Now I had to stand here and listen to him sing love songs to this bitch.

He began the song and as soon as his voice hit my ears, I froze. He looked so beautiful up there, for a fleeting moment I so badly wished he was singing about me, to me and for me. Then I realized that I had pictured Edward in a completely different way then he actually was. I thought that I could change him, that underneath that he was broken but I could fix him. I dreamed him up to have a different and completely secret personality. My Edward was sweet, thoughtful, affectionate, truthful, loyal and honest. That Edward did not nor would ever exist.

The real Edward Cullen was mean, careless, emotionless, and for the lack of a better word, a dick. He probably picked Tanya because she was pretty arm candy and because she seemed as ruthless as he was. I must have been lost in thought because I didn't notice the music had stopped playing. I watched Edward exit through a door near the stage. Tanya was back at the bar flirting with James again and I needed to get out of there. I strangely felt the urge to protect him from her vile actions. I hurried through the same door Edward had and found him sitting on the floor with his back against the brick wall.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked as I took a pack of cigarettes out of my back pocket. I chuckled to myself when I noticed that he was smoking the same kind of cigarettes. Parliaments. I made a note to switch to Marlboro's tomorrow.

"Free country," he replied coldly.

_Do you have to be such a dick ALL the time?_ I wanted to ask.

But instead I lit my cigarette and took a long pull. It was quiet for a while before I decided to strike up a conversation with him.

"Your girlfriend seems nice. She's very beautiful," I said as I took another pull from my cigarette.

_She's also a __ginormous__ combo of bitch and slut_, I wanted to add.

"Tanya is great," he replied. Gah he was infuriating!

"What about you? Are you dating anyone?" he asked. I wanted to say something rude like it's none of your god damn business but something about those green eyes broke me.

"I just got out of a long term relationship," I replied as I thought back to the last few years, instinctively my mouth pulled down into a frown.

"What happened?" he asked in what sounded like a protective tone. I must have imagined it. Why would he even care?

"He put me down any chance he got and ruined my fucking self esteem. I walked in on him cheating on me. He said it was my fault because I wouldn't suck his dick." I let out a humorless laugh as I shook my head. Something about living in New York, even in the short time I'd been here, made me more blunt and ballsy then I had been in Forks. I hated to think what I'd turn into after living here for a few years.

Probably like Rosalie. I shuddered at the thought.

"You are incredibly beautiful and you should never let anyone make you feel as if you are anything less," he said, and then he did something completely unexpected. He kissed me on the cheek and he lingered there a while too. I could have sworn he sniffed me in the process. Edward had never even hugged me, but for some reason he was telling me I was beautiful and kissing me!

_Danger, Will Robinson, danger!_

"I should go inside," he said as he pulled away quickly and stood up while holding his hand out to me. I took his hand and lifted myself up off the ground. We were standing face to face just staring into each others eyes and for a split second I could have sworn I saw something there. It was different from last night, the way his eyes looked was dead and devoid of emotion but I couldn't place this look. Sorrow? Regret? Hope?

"There you are, baby. Lets go home," Tanya said as she squeezed herself in the space between Edward and me, burying her face in his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. She leaned up and nibbled on his ear before I heard her whisper loudly, "I want to fuck the shit out of you tonight."

Great so after flirting endlessly with the bartender she was going to take Edward home and fuck him probably while pretending he was James, as if he could ever compare.

I tried my best to not look angry, but inside I was fuming. How dare she?! How dare he?!

"I'm sorry," he mouthed before he picked Tanya up and threw her over his shoulder. As they were leaving she picked her head up, winked at me and waved.

I flipped her off angrily and huffed as I pulled the door open and made my way back inside.

"Bella! There you are," Angela sighed, seemingly relieved. I hadn't realized that I didn't bother to tell anyone that I was stepping outside.

"Yeah sorry, I went to have a cigarette," I replied as I tossed the pack into a nearby garbage. I would never smoke Parliaments again. They were tainted for me by Fuckward.

"I was getting to know your cousin a little better and she mentioned that you played a couple instruments and sang. The band that plays before Edward got signed and are going on tour. I need someone to fill the space for a little while so I can have some time to find a more permanent replacement. I'll pay you! Please, Bella, please!" she pleaded with me. I was going to kill Rose! Sure I played, but it was only for my own benefit. Instead of writing in a diary or on a blog, I wrote songs. It was a way to get out my anger and frustration, I could yell and pound on the keys of my keyboard, which was a better stress reliever than pen on paper. I wanted to say no but her eyes were pleading, then her lip came out and she was pouting and DAMNIT, I couldn't say no.

"Sure, I'll help you out," I sighed.

"Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she yelled as she pulled me into a tight hug.

_Oh crap what am I getting myself into? _

_

* * *

Let the angsty Bella songs begin! there are some real surprises to come and I can't wait for you to read them. Please review, it always makes my day!_


	9. Poor Little Rich Boy

I am completely baffled by the amount of you that love this story! I realized that after re-reading the first few chapters that I haven't set any sort of real time line, I'd like to go ahead and ask that you pretend Bella has been in the city for about 2 weeks. This chapter is a favorite of mine, Edward tries to turn over a new leaf!

Of course many thank yous and hugs + kisses go out to my betas **Madelinejade** and **Vicky**.

**Songs for this chapter**

**Your Song - JamisonParker**

**Bon Idee - Regina Spektor**

**Poor Little Rich Boy - Regina Spektor **

**All Characters Belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

I gently ran my hand across my forehead and immediately jumped out of bed at the feeling that ran through me.

"Ouch, my fucking hand!" I yelled as I assessed the damage to both of my hands. I ran to the bathroom and frantically searched for tweezers. Once I found them I mentally thanked Alice for insisting on buying useless things that I fought with her against buying. I sat down on the toilet and ran my hand through the water to clear away all of the dried blood before I began picking out the shards of glass with the tweezers. It hurt so fucking bad that I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I must have missed the sound of someone entering my apartment because the next thing I knew Emmett was standing in the bathroom doorway.

"Jesus Christ, Edward! What the fuck did you do to yourself? Are you suicidal?" he asked as he ran his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh.

"It's nothing, Emmett," I replied as I poured hydrogen peroxide on my left hand. "Fuck!" I yelled and jumped up as soon as the liquid hit my hand, it wasn't peroxide, it was fucking _alcohol_.

"Shit, let me clean that up for you," Emmett said as he walked over to me, taking my right hand in his forcefully. "What is up with you? You've been more fucked up than usual lately," he inquired as he began the same process I used with my left hand.

"I don't know, I feel like I have been sleeping for the last 8 years and then I saw her. It was a huge fucking wake up call, and I don't know what to do. I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling. I don't remember ever being this intense. It's as if my emotions are ten times as heightened because I haven't used any of them in a long time." I let the words flow out of me. I needed to say things out loud. Keeping them bottled up would only wound me further. If I couldn't try for Bella then I could try for my family. I could try to be the brother that Emmett and Alice deserved.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not talking about Tanya?" he asked as he wrapped both of my hands in gauze. "Shit, did you have to fuck up your hands out of all the parts on your body? How are you supposed to play?"

With the realization of this problem I banged my head against the ceramic sink, "Ow. Fuck," I said as my head began to throb.

"No shit," he chuckled.

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett." I glared as I pushed my way past him and out of the bathroom. It was the first time I had gotten a good look at my room. There was broken glass everywhere, my lamps were non-existent save for the shades. My guitar lay in pieces along the glass graveyard and my sheets were completely stained with blood. It looked like a murder scene.

I ran my fingers through my hair and hissed as the sting intensified. "I don't know what to do, Em," I replied as I turned to look in his eyes. I felt so fucking lost and for the first time in my life I needed my big brother to help me.

"It's Bella, isn't it?" he asked with a sigh.

I couldn't trust myself to speak so I nodded as I sat on the edge of the bed.

"I want her. I want her more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I barely even fucking know her but she already makes me want to be a better man. Someone worthy of her," I explained weakly.

"Geez, Eddie, lighten up, man," he responded as he sat down next to me. "I'm sorry." He sighed as he shook his head.

"I'm new to this, Emmett. I don't know where to start. But I guess I can start with trying harder with you and Alice," I said as I stood up, holding out a wounded hand to him.

"I think Alice would love that," he replied with a smirk as he stood up, taking my hand and pulling me into a hug. "I missed you, little brother," he said as he released me.

"Ditto."

We spent the afternoon cleaning up my mess, in more ways than one. I tried my best to explain to him why I had changed so drastically, except I left out the part about our parents. The idea of them being perfect was tainted for me, but I never wanted that to be taken away from my siblings. I called Angela after Emmett had left explaining to her that I couldn't play that night, she understood and said that she had booked a new act that would be able to replace me for the night. I was encouraged by her to stop by and check them out. She mentioned that the gang would be there, and I couldn't help but wonder if that included Bella.

"Bella," I sighed her name out loud as if it were a prayer.

I pulled my spare guitar out of the hallway closet and made the familiar journey to my Bella chair; it wasn't just a writing chair anymore. It was the one thing that made me feel connected to her. In this chair, I could pretend that I was normal. I could pretend that we met under normal circumstances and fell in love. Our lives would have progressed naturally, and we would have had the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, and the chocolate lab.

To match her eyes and hair.

I sighed and began to write out the lyrics. They seemed to flow freely now that I had inspiration. She was my muse.

**Tonight I'd rather be in love**

**rather it was you flowing through my blood**

**scraping through my veins my everything**

**and you cling to every thread**

**that clings to me**

**I live in notes and photographs**

**and everything I'm holding back**

**but you're the words that weren't enough**

**you remind me of a song I used to love**

**I couldn't call you if I wanted**

**my fingers couldn't work if they tried**

**they're so sore from keeping crossed**

**and tracing over cuts on my worthless arms**

**if I said "I hated the feeling" it would be a lie**

**I live in notes and photographs**

**and everything I'm holding back**

**but you're the words that weren't enough**

**you remind me of a song I used to love**

**I live in notes and photographs**

**and everything I'm holding back**

**but you're the words that weren't enough**

**you remind me of a song I used to love**

**you remind me of a song I used to love**

I attempted to put music to the words but my hands hurt like a bitch and every attempt ended up in a slew of angry words. I knew I wouldn't be able to play for a few weeks. I stood up and sat the guitar down beside the chair, shuffling my feet to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed two beers, fisting them in both of my hands. I chuckled to myself as I thought of the Edward 40 hands phrase. How ironic.

I had only planned on using them to cool the ache in my palms but after a few minutes I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor while taking turns sipping out of both bottles. I repeated this method until the sun came down. I was fucking sloshed. When I finally stood up the room spun but the pain was gone, my hands were numb from the coolness of the countless bottles of beer I had held and my head did not ache any longer. I pulled a black v-neck t-shirt from the laundry bag sitting on the couch and pulled it over my head. I looked like hell but I couldn't have cared less.

I arrived at the bar later then usual, I could see James setting up a keyboard on stage as I made my way towards the front. I spotted my brother and sister as well as their significant others and walked over to join them.

"Hi, Alice," I greeted her with a hug, which shocked her to say the least. I couldn't help but feel a little cocky that I had done something that totally caught Ms. Know It All off guard.

"Hi Edward..." she replied as we pulled away. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Me too. Hey, guys," I greeted the rest of them with a nod. "Who's this new talent that Angela told me about?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, you'll see," Rosalie responded. I scowled a little, annoyed that she wouldn't tell me even though she clearly knew. Rose could be so irritating sometimes.

It was then that I spotted Bella entering the bar from the side door. I saw her nervously shove a pack of Marlboro's into her back pocket and wondered fleetingly about her sudden change in cigarette choices. She walked right past the group, and I immediately froze. Was she that mad at me that she couldn't even say hi?

_You pushed her away on purpose. Don't pitch a fit because it worked._

Bella surprised me by walking up onto the stage and standing right in front of the keyboard. She took a deep breath.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan. This is my first time performing in front of a crowd, so take it easy on me," she said with a nervous laugh.

I froze again, this time out of amazement rather than guilt. I couldn't help but to be even more drawn to her in that moment. Not only was she intelligent, beautiful, and strong amongst other things, but my girl was also a fucking musician.

_She's not your girl, asshole._

She took another deep breath and her eyes met mine. They seemed to be shooting daggers into mine. Admittedly, I was perplexed, but I didn't care, I just wanted to see her perform. "This first song is called 'Bon Idee'," she introduced the song before she sat down at the keyboard and began to play.

**Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love**

**Don't tell your secrets to anyone Because ideas are vulnerable**

**As soon as you say your idea out loud**

**Then it can go and live on its own**

**And you will miss it oh so much**

**And you will wait for its return**

**And you will wish it were your own**

**But ideas that left never come back home**

**Don't tell your mother that you are afraid**

**Don't tell your lover that your heart might break**

**Don't tell your gods you no longer believe**

**Because as soon as you say it out loud they will leave you**

**And you will miss them oh so bad**

**And you will wait for their return**

**And you will wish they were your own**

**But gods that have left you will never grace your home**

**Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love**

**Don't tell your secrets to anyone**

**Because ideas are vulnerable**

**As soon as you say your ideas out loud**

**Then they can go and live on their own without you**

**And you will miss them oh so bad**

**And you will wait for their return**

**And you will wish they were your own**

**But ideas that left will never come back home**

Her voice was beautiful. It was soft but rough at the same time. She could sing anything with that voice and it would still be the most beautiful sound my ears had ever heard. Once the clapping had come to a stop she smiled shyly at the crowd and spoke into the microphone, "This one is called 'Poor Little Rich Boy'." She stood up from her seat on the stool and she began to slam her fingers onto the keys angrily, playing with the same emotion.

**Poor little rich boy, all the couples have gone**

**You wish that they hadn't, you don't wanna be alone**

**But they wanna kiss and they got homes of their own**

**Poor little rich boy all the couples have gone, they've gone, they've gone**

**And you don't love your girlfriend**

**You don't love your girlfriend**

**And you think that you should but she thinks that she's fat**

**But she isn't but you don't love her anyway**

**And you don't love your mother**

**And you know that you should**

**And you wish that you would but you don't anyway**

**Poor little rich boy, all the world is okay**

**The water runs off your skin and down into the drain**

**You're reading Fitzgerald, you're reading Hemmingway**

**They're both super smart and drinking in the cafes**

**And you don't love your girlfriend**

**You don't love your girlfriend**

**And you think that you should but she thinks that she's fat**

**But she isn't but you don't love her anyway**

**And you don't love your mother**

**And you know that you should**

**And you wish that you would**

**But you don't anyway**

**You're so young, you're so goddamn young**

**You're so young, you're so goddamn young**

**You're so young, you're so goddamn young**

**You're so goddamn young**

**You're so goddamn young**

**You're so young, you're so goddamn young**

**You're so young, you're so goddamn young**

**You're so goddamn young**

**And you don't love your girlfriend**

I was fuming. She made it so obvious that the song was about me. Her eyes were boring into me the whole time she sang. I wanted to leave. I wanted to walk out and clear my head before I said something I would regret, but with her eyes on me, I couldn't move. It was as if my feet were chained to the ground. She had some sort of sick hold on me and I wanted to kiss her more in that moment than I ever had before.

My girl had balls.

_She's not your girl!_

Just as I was about to walk away I noticed James the bartender run up on stage and sweep Bella up into a hug. When the fuck did they meet, and why was he touching her?

"You were amazing!" I could hear him say because he was too close to the microphone.

No shit, I yelled in my head. Well, I thought it was in my head. My family as well as Bella turned to look at me. I guess I had said it out loud. I didn't pay attention to anything as I stormed out the back door that led to the patio. I walked around the corner from the usual place where people hung out and sat myself in the small space that was sandwiched between the Bar and the building next door. It was my place to get away when girls would hang on me, more like suffocate me.

"What the fuck was that about?" I heard her say as she turned the corner.

"Bella..." I said as I let out a whoosh of air. She looked angry and so fucking beautiful.

"What the hell's the matter with you? Was I that bad that you had to storm out?" she asked as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and shifted her weight to her right side.

"No. Of course not. You were...amazing," I admitted but then thought about the asshole that was smothering her on stage. "I just didn't like the way James was touching you," I replied angrily.

"Oh please, Edward." She rolled her eyes. "You have absolutely no right to get jealous about who touches me. You don't even know me and on top of that you treat me like garbage so why would you even care?" she yelled as she lit a cigarette from behind her ear.

"You shouldn't fucking smoke!" I yelled as I grabbed the cigarette from her mouth and threw it to the ground. The look on her face only meant one thing. I had suffered the wrath that this face brought on many occasions by Rosalie. Bella had on what I liked to call "the bitch face". I stood up from my seat on the broken stool as she approached me. We were now pressed up against each other, our backs against opposing buildings.

"If you weren't Alice's brother, I'd hang you from that tree by your balls," she ground out through her teeth.

"I only tolerate you because you're my sister-in-law's cousin. I would never even acknowledge you if the circumstances were different," I growled at her. Fuck, it took everything in me to keep from getting a boner. Her little body was pressed so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my neck. It would be so easy to kiss her right here right now, so fucking easy.

No, no, no! You can't!

"You're just scared that I'm a better musician than you, and I'll end up stealing your spotlight."

"Oh that's bullshit and you know it." I let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Prove it," she replied.

Our eyes were locked and I couldn't help myself. I moved in slowly until our foreheads touched, her lips mere centimeters from mine. My heart was racing, and I could feel the beating of hers as she was pressed against me. Fuck, her breasts were touching my chest. I wanted to kiss her and I was pretty sure she wanted me to, but I couldn't do it.

"Game on," I whispered before I hastily pulled away from her and exited the area as fast as I could. I could hear her let out a frustrated growl as I entered the bar.

She had no idea all of my songs had been about her but from now on I would make sure she knew.

I spent the rest of the night seated at the end of the bar with my head rested on the wall. Under my instruction, Kate left a bottle of Jameson with me. My hands were fucking stinging and I needed something to numb the pain. I hadn't seen Bella since our confrontation and I had to admit that I was a little relieved.

"Thanks for the bottle, Katie," I said as I folded up a $50 and placed it into the empty bottle.

"Oh fucking hell, Cullen!" she yelled as she grabbed the bottle and turned it upside down. I left her to her own devices and made my way outside.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted Bella sitting on the sidewalk, her back was hunched over and I could tell she was crying. I wanted to comfort her but there was already someone sitting beside her with their hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.

James.

The next thing I saw was him leaning forward as he looked into her eyes.

No no no, don't kiss her.

His lips connected with hers and I didn't bother to watch what happened next. "Get the fuck away from her!" I yelled as I lunged at him. He stood up in time for my bandaged hand to connect with his jaw.

"EDWARD!" Bella yelled as she tried to push me away from James. I tried to get her out the way carefully. I was so focused on her I hadn't noticed how quickly James recovered and came back at me with fury. He flew at me fast and my back hit the brick wall of the bar with a loud thud. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and switched our positions so he was against the wall as I swung at him with a vengeance.

"Do something Garrett?!" I heard Bella shriek.

"Let them fight it out," he responded coolly.

Somehow we ended up on the ground, I was straddling him as I punched him repeatedly. "You never fucking kiss a girl without permission! She just fucking moved here! She doesn't want the clap!" I yelled as I continued my assault.

"That's enough, Eddie!" Emmett yelled as he grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me off of James. Garrett was tending to James while Jasper and Emmett took me around the corner to cool off.

"Fuck dude, your hands!" said Emmett as he lifted my hands up to his face to inspect them, the bandages were soaked in my blood, hanging haphazardly from my hands. I was also sure that I had broken one, or five.

"You won't be able to play for a while," Jasper stated somberly.

"Fuck!" I growled as I punched the wall.

"Like that's going to help," Emmett said sarcastically.

"What the fuck was that for?!" Bella yelled as she rounded the corner.

"I didn't think you'd want him to kiss you!" I yelled back. I had been so hasty in my actions that I had never thought about the fact that I'd have to explain my actions.

"I don't need you to fight for my honor, Edward Cullen! I can take care of myself. Next time worry about that cunt of a girlfriend of yours who was pretty much giving James a free peep show the other night!" she spat.

"Jealous much?!" I asked loudly.

"Oh, fuck you," she huffed as she stomped off. I looked to Emmett and Jasper who were leaning up against a car holding in their laughter.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" I glared.

"Should've...seen...face!" They got out between breaths. "When...you heard her coming, you looked scared shitless!" Emmett said as he joined Jasper in laughter once again.

"Whatever," I flipped them off with my bloody hand before starting to walk home. No way a cab would pick me up with the way I looked.

At least now I was fucked up inside and out.

* * *

_Next chapter brings a character death and a surprise visit from someone. Maybe we'll even see a Bella/Edward truce. Reviews make me giddy._


	10. Your Honor

Thanks again to my betas **MadelineJade **and **Vicky.**

This chapter is dedicated to my best frienemy **Lucy, **there aren't words to describe the epicness that is our friendship.

**Song List**

**Your Honor by Regina Spektor**

**Rejazz by Regina Spektor**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

"Ugh!" I groaned as I slammed the door of my apartment shut. I glanced at the clock, it read 4am. I could already hear the birds chirping and see the sky lightening as the dawn was preparing to break outside my window. My show at Sweet Up's had gone better than I could've imagined. Everyone had told me I did an amazing job, even Edward, and I had a hunch he didn't dole out compliments often, and there was no need to be nervous on stage, apparently I was a natural. I, Bella Swan, was actually good at something.

The night was going great. I even enjoyed my argument with Edward. I got under his skin and we both knew it. I wanted to shove his huge ego right up his ass. But then I received a call from Renee. Grammy Dwyer died in her sleep. I found myself sobbing on the fucking sidewalk by myself, until James showed up. He comforted me, which I appreciated, until he tried to make a fucking move on me! I mean, who makes a move on a girl when she's grieving over her dead grandmother? The nerve!

I was fully prepared to defend myself but Edward lunged at James before I had a chance to. His hands were already bandaged so it was obvious fighting was a bad idea for him. Who the fuck did he think he was to try and defend my honor? Like I couldn't take care of myself.

I was broken out of my inner ranting by three loud knocks on my door. "Who the hell is knocking on my door at this time!?" I wondered out loud.

"Bella, it's me." I immediately recognized the voice as Jake's. I wretched the door open and was surprised at what I saw. He looked like hell.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jacob?" I said grinding my teeth.

"I can't live without you." With that statement his shoulders slumped and I had to admit that I felt guilty some how.

"Come in," I sighed as I stepped aside for him to enter.

"Thank you. I don't deserve your kindness," he said as he sat down on the sofa.

"Damn right," I replied as I sat in the floral chair across from him.

"I'm not here to ask you to take me back. I'm asking for my best friend back. I fucked up beyond belief and I know that. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "You can't just show up here at four o'clock in the morning and expect to be forgiven. You're right about fucking up, but now you have to deal with those consequences."

"I'm fully prepared to do that," he said.

We didn't say much after that. We were both exhausted. I went to bed and let Jacob crash on the sofa in the living room.

Since Edward couldn't play for a few weeks, Angela asked if I would fill in. Instead of being an opener, I would just play enough for 2 sets. I agreed to do it. As much as I hated to admit, I loved being on stage. Before Jake came along I had planned on sleeping until late afternoon and then having James come over for a quick practice before the show tonight. He and I were officially band mates, a She & Him type deal, if you will.

After the fight last night, the last thing I expected was to be woken up by the smell of bacon, French toast and coffee. I climbed out of bed thankful for the pleasant wake up call, as opposed to the Alice and Rosalie's method. I slipped on my robe and made my way to the kitchen. What I found shocked the hell out of me.

"Jacob," I paused as I assessed the other man, "James, what are you doing here?" I questioned.

"I wanted to apologize to you for last night but it turns out that I'm not the only one who owes you an apology. Jake and I both fucked up so we thought we'd make you breakfast. Although I think Jake's offense should not be forgiven over an offering of bacon, mine although should be," he said with a smile. He looked like shit. His right eye was bruised. His lip was cut and swollen as well. His hands looked a little worse for wear but still usable.

"You're forgiven, James," I laughed as I sat at the stool. He and I had a misunderstanding. I couldn't hold a grudge over a beautiful man for kissing me, even if I was mourning the loss of my Grammy.

"I heard about your grandmother. I'm so sorry, Bells," Jake said as he took a seat on the stool next to me. "When is the funeral?" he asked as he poured the three of us coffee.

"Sunday, in New Jersey. You are not forgiven one bit, but it would mean a lot if you came," I said as I served myself French toast and bacon.

"Of course," he replied.

"Are we still practicing today?" James asked.

"When we're done eating, I'll get my piano out. Are you up for playing guitar or should we switch instruments tonight?" I asked having seen his hands slightly injured from the fight last night.

"Nope, I'm good to go for the 6 string," he answered.

We ate breakfast quietly. When we were finished we pulled out the instruments and jammed for a while until it was time to go. I had planned to play a few songs that I had written for Jacob but decided against playing them during the practice. I must have lost my phone during James' and Edward's fight because I searched my apartment and turned up empty handed. Rosalie and Alice must have been freaking out. When we made it to Sweet Up's, the girls were waiting for me outside, pacing back and forth.

"Where the fuck have you been and why are you with Jake the fuckhead?!" Rose yelled.

"I lost my phone last night and Jacob came to apologize. No, I did not forgive him before you ask. He insisted on coming tonight and I couldn't stop him," I explained.

"What about Grammy?" she asked with sad eyes. I noticed that she had seemed to have calmed down.

"Rose, I loved her. I just need to push it away so I can get through tonight, please?" I begged.

"I understand," she responded. We made our way inside the club and I noticed that Edward was there. Apparently he was having a good time because he was laughing with Jasper and Emmett. They immediately stopped laughing though as we approached. Emmett narrowed his eyes at the sight of Jake. I could almost hear him growling. The look Rosalie gave him must have instructed him to heel because he sighed and gritted his teeth sulking, but otherwise didn't make a move to deck Jacob like I knew he wanted to. Emmett was so sweet to be protective of me, not to mention, well trained to follow silent instructions from his wife. She should teach a workshop.

"Everyone, this is Jacob. Jacob this is everyone," I introduced.

There was a tense moment as everyone greeted knew the way our relationship had ended, and I was sure everyone aside from Edward wanted to take a shot at him.

I left Jacob with the gang as I made my way to the stage to set up for the show. James took a seat on the stool next to me and checked the settings on his guitar as I banged on a few keys to make sure the sound was spot on. Once we were ready I handed James a piece of paper with the songs we would play tonight.

"It's nice to be here again. I'd like to thank Angela for giving me this opportunity." I took a deep breath, spotted her sitting at a table and gave her a nod and a smile. She smiled back. I was really excited that she'd be living with me soon. She just had to finish out the rest of her lease at her current apartment, which was going to be the end of the month.

"My entire set tonight, although inappropriate as it may seem, is dedicated to my grandmother. Katherine Dwyer." I blinked back a few tears as I looked to Rosalie, who was teary-eyed herself, and then quickly glanced over at Edward to regain my composure. I had to admit that it satisfied me to see how messed up he was from the fight. He looked just as bad as James, if not worse. His hands were now in casts and every time he would try to run his hand through his hair, he'd just end up smacking himself in the forehead with his cast.

I smirked to myself. It served him right.

"This one's called Your Honor," I introduced before I started singing into the microphone.

**I kissed your lips and I tasted blood**

**I asked you what happened and you said there'd been a fight**

**You said I've been fighting for your honor but you wouldn't understand**

**I said hold on your honor I'll get ice for your hand**

**Oh you been fighting for my honor and I don't understand**

**But hold on your honor I'll get ice for your hand...**

**You said come on baby let's just make love it's the only thing to make me better**

**You said come on let's just get you out of that sweater**

**I said I don't kiss losers and I don't kiss winners**

**And I don't fight for honor cause we all are born sinners**

**Gargle with peroxide a steak for your eye**

**But I'm a vegetarian so it's a frozen pizza pie**

**You tell me that you care and you never do lie**

**And you fight for my honor but I just don't know why**

**Mary had a little lamb with fleece as white as snow**

**You've got me and I'm just a common 'ho**

**But I know what I am and I know what I ain't**

**So don't get cut 'cause I still won't be no saint**

**Gargle with peroxide a steak for your eye**

**But I'm a pizzatarian so it's a frozen pizza pie**

**You tell me that you love me and you never do lie**

**And you fight for my honor but I just don't know why**

**You fight for my honor and I don't understand**

**But hold on your honor I'll get ice for your hand...**

I let out a satisfying chuckle when I noticed how upset Edward looked. I noticed that Jacob looked smug as fuck. He obviously didn't have any idea what I had in store for him.

"There are some men in this world who work hard to repel stereotypes." I breathed out before I took a sip of my water. "Jacob Black isn't one of them," I said with a smirk before I began to play the next song.

**Thought I'd cry for you forever**

**But I couldn't so I didn't**

**People's children die and they don't even cry forever**

**Thought I'd see your face in my mind for all time**

**But I don't even remember what your ears looked like**

**And the clock still strikes midnight and noon**

**And the sun still rises and so does the moon**

**Birds still migrate south and people move on**

**Even though I'm no longer in your arms**

**Thought the mountain would crumble**

**And the rivers would bend**

**But I thought all wrong and the world did not end**

**Guess the maps will just have to stay the same for a while**

**Didn't even need therapy to rehabilitate my smile**

**Rehabilitate my smile**

**Thought I'd cry for you forever**

**But I couldn't so I didn't...**

The rest of my set went without a hitch. I played more songs in that same vein. It was so cathartic, and I felt victorious.

"Kudos, Bella," Edward said as I rejoined the gang.

"Let me see you do better than that, Nubs," I said with a sly grin. I obviously didn't forget that his hands were useless at the moment. He gave me a sideways smirk back and I swear I saw his middle finger twitch upwards. I had to admit that I loved our sarcastic banter and snarky interaction. He so wanted me.

"Yeah, you did awesome, Bells," Jacob said with a sad smile.

"Oh shut the fuck up, Jacob," Rosalie replied with glare. I could see Emmett chuckling as he rubbed soothing circles on Rose's back.

"I'm not sure if Rosalie has told you but our Grandmother's funeral is this Saturday, it would mean everything to me if all of you showed up," I announced. "Yes, I mean all of you," I said as I glanced at Edward and Jacob. Even if they weren't my favorite people at the moment, during sad events like the death of a loved one, it was important to keep everyone close, even enemies.

"Can I speak with you outside for a moment, Isabella?" Edward asked as he gestured towards the door to the back.

"I guess," I responded with a shrug as I followed him out the door. Once we were around the corner, out of eye and ear shot from everyone he turned around and spoke.

"I'm sorry for over stepping my bounds last night. James and I have a bad history and I assumed the worst of him," he explained as he tried to run a hand through his hair, effectively smacking himself in the forehead again. "Fucking hell!" he yelled.

"Relax, Edwardo, I will forgive you this once, but I will not forget." I replied as I sat down on the sad broken stool that was propped up against the brick wall. "I never forget," I added softly to myself, not even sure if he had heard. The look on his face was soft, as compared to our last few encounters, and it indicated that he may have heard what I said.

"I don't want to write shitty songs about you, only nice ones," he almost whispered, and I wondered if I was even meant to hear it. It seemed we were both having quiet conversations to ourselves.

"I'm sorry about your hands. You can ask Jasper to play for you. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. That way you can still perform because I don't think I can do this every other night by myself," I suggested. I actually missed hearing his voice and knowing how he felt through his lyrics.

Edward looked like he was thinking it over. "I will ask," he said as he took a seat on the concrete floor. "Cigarette?" he offered as he held out a Camel cigarette for me. Hmm, he switched brands too, I noticed.

"Oh, you're allowing me to smoke tonight?" I smirked at him. He smiled a little back at me still holding the cigarette. "Sure," I replied as I grabbed it from him. He handed me the lighter and I lit it, taking a long pull before exhaling.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said with sad eyes. A piece of hair fell into his eye and once again he attempted to push it out of his face and failed. I watched him try to blow the hair away before letting out a small laugh. I leaned forward and brushed the hair from his forehead gently. I froze when our eyes locked.

I'd never seen his green eyes look more alive or sad in that moment. So I did the only thing I could think of. I placed a soft kiss on his forehead and said, "Thanks," before I stood up.

"I should go," I said as I put my cigarette out on the building. "I start at The Daily Grind tomorrow," I explained quickly.

"Yeah, maybe I'll stop by," he said as he lifted himself off the ground.

I nodded and before I could turn to leave he spoke. "Friends?" he asked with the same sad eyes.

"Yeah, I can handle that." I let out a small laugh. He held his hand out for me to shake and I stared at it with a quirked eyebrow.

"Fucking handicapped asshole," he sighed angrily at himself before he opened his arms for me.

"Hug it out?" he asked as he cocked his head to the side. I shrugged before I walked forward into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he draped his arms softly over my shoulders. We stood there for at least a minute. His arms felt so warm and safe. He smelled like heaven, and I could have sworn that I felt him sniff my hair. That would have been the second time he'd done that, not that I was keeping count. We pulled apart slowly. Both of us noticeably shaky.

"Goodnight, Edward," I said as I turned and left him standing there alone. Tonight I had managed to defend my own honor, stand my ground with Jacob, actually enjoy being the center of attention and let my guard down enough to let Edward in. I smiled, congratulating myself. My grandmother would have been so proud.

* * *

**a truce has finally been made, lets see how long it lasts. More E/B interaction next chapter! The more reviews the faster the next chapter will be put out, a lot of changes are coming :)**


	11. Break Myself

A/N : The reviews you guys leave make me feel all warm and fuzzy! My beta **MadelineJade** is the best, I would hate to read my story without her beta'ing skills, I also have a new second beta **Twilight-is-lovee! **

There is a photobucket for this story now which will get updated often, I'm ready for the backlash from it. I have decided that although Rob and Kris are definitely my vision for Edward and Bella they do not fit the vision for **my **story. I have chosen to use Caleb Followill(kings of leon) and his girlfriend Lily Aldridge, I have decided to use other members of the band as well which you will see in the photobucket. Although this is my vision I do not expect everyone to agree, you're all free to imagine my Edward and Bella however you please as long as it keeps yah reading!

**Songs for this chapter**

**Break Myself - Something Corporate**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**BPOV**

Edward smiled at me crookedly before he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. His lips were unbelievably soft in contrast to the rough way he was kissing me. I moaned into his mouth but pulled away questioningly as I heard the chorus of _Heartbreaker_ by Led Zepplin begin to play. Edward pulled his phone out of his pocket and I caught a glimpse of the caller I.D. Tanya.

"Hey, baby," he breathed into the phone.

I groaned and rolled onto my stomach, my face pushed into my pillow, trying to will myself to dream a better dream. Of course my alarm would not allow that. Once again the chorus of _Heartbreaker _began to play loudly. I blindly searched around underneath the pillows in my bed for the phone. Yes, I was one of those people who could not be separated from their phone.

"Shut that thing up!" Jake groaned as he made his way into my room. He flopped down onto the bed beside me.

"What makes you think you're welcomed in my bed, Jacob?" I asked as I shut the alarm off before climbing out of bed.

"The couch is uncomfortable, and you're leaving for work anyway. I thought I'd sleep in here for the rest of the morning," he explained as he rolled onto his side, cuddling into my blanket.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and glanced at the clock. Five a.m. My shift started at seven even though I was sure the store opened way before that. It was New York City, after all, and the streets were busy early.

I arrived at the Daily Grind at 6:30, glad to have a half hour to get settled before the morning rush. Apparently, someone had opened the store already, I walked in and jumped slightly at the sound of the doors tinkling bell.

"Good Morning," Edward greeted from behind the counter. I didn't know who I was expecting to work with, but I was definitely not expecting to see him.

There was a line of customers who looked extremely angry so I set to work right away.

"Uh, I can't make drinks with these," he said as he lifted up his hands, which were still almost completely encased in casts. "I can take orders though," he offered.

I nodded quickly and pulled on my apron. Surprisingly, we worked extremely well together. Edward and I even created our own language to make calling out orders easier. And for whatever insane reason, we were the only ones working that day. I didn't want to complain about it though since it was my first day.

By twelve o'clock the shop had slowed down tremendously, and we were exhausted.

"Lets make ourselves a drink and relax for a few minutes," he suggested, and I nodded in agreement, eager to just be able to sit down and take a breath for a moment.

We were laughing as we concocted our own special coffee beverages.

"No, no, don't forget the caramel sauce!" he yelled frantically as I got ready to put the cap on his drink which already had whipped cream on top of it.

"Jeez, relax," I laughed as I swirled the sauce over the whipped cream.

"Sorry, but that's my favorite part," he explained as he took his drink and sat down on the stool in front of the register.

"You're such a girl," I said as I pulled a stool up next to his and took a seat.

"Cheers," he said as we banged our cups together.

We took a sip of our drinks in unison and hummed in satisfaction. I had created a Cookies and Cream frozen blended drink and Edward had a Cap'n Crunch one. His actually didn't taste bad despite the fact that it sort of looked like vomit after you've had too many strawberry daiquiris.

Glancing over at him I let out a chuckle. His nose was covered with whipped cream and caramel sauce, but the limited use of his hands wouldn't allow him to wipe it off fully.

"Let me help you there," I offered while laughing.

I reached over the counter into the napkin holder and pulled one out. I stood up and walked over to him, standing between his legs. I leaned forward and stood on the tip of my toes as I wiped the cream and sauce from his nose. It didn't escape my notice that he began to take deeper breaths and his fingers began tapping on his leg.

"There," I said as I wiped the last of it off.

"Thanks," he said with a smile, and we stared into each other's eyes for an immeasurable moment until the chorus of _Heartbreaker _by Led Zepplin began to play causing us both to jump a little jolting me out of my momentary daze.

I snickered upon the realization though. There was no way that was really his ringtone.

I let out a chuckle when I glanced at his caller I.D. Of course it was Tanya calling.

"Hello," he answered, the frustration apparent in his tone. I chalked it up to a lovers' quarrel. "No, I don't know where the fuck your keys are," he yelled angrily. "That's real nice, Tanya."

She must have said something to really set him off because he banged his cast against the counter, and his eyebrows knitted together. "Don't you dare bring her into this," he growled glancing over at me briefly. "Go fuck yourself," he sneered into the phone before tapping End Call repeatedly.

I stood there awkwardly for few moments before asking, "Lovers' quarrel?"

"She's not my fucking girlfriend," he answered coldly.

"Oh," I responded holding the small O-shape of my lips for half a second. "Sorry."

There was an awkward silence that fell upon us. We both looked to the door as we heard the ringing bell. The afternoon rush started and left us no time to relax before the evening rush started. Edward Cullen and I worked together for twelve hours and neither of us killed one another.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier," he said with sad eyes as he continued to wipe down the counters.

"It's okay," I responded shrugging it off as I continued to count the cash in the register. I wanted to say something like, "I'm not going to say it's all right, but I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again," and give him a hard time about it, but the sadness in his eyes caused me to bite my tongue. That wasn't what he needed to hear at that moment.

On my walk home that night, I recounted the events of the day. There were definite highlights, our laughing and secret language while working together, but there were also definite lowlights, the defensiveness in his remark regarding Tanya, which I was actually quite intrigued by. She wasn't his girlfriend? I thought they had gotten back together. Anyway, I wondered if the highlights were too good to be true and if I'd see him again this week. For some reason, I highly doubted that though I wished otherwise.

**EPOV**

As I walked down the route that had become part of my routine over the last week, I couldn't help but feel victorious over the progress I had made. Bella had started working at the coffee shop on Monday and I had visited her every day, and some days I even worked when Emmett was short staffed. Bella and I worked well together through the crazy morning rushes. All of our moves were perfectly synchronized, and not once did we falter. I rang people up and called out orders since my casts didn't allow me to do much else.

Plus, my relationship with my siblings had improved greatly and we were finally starting to act like family. I still had a long way to go, but I was proud of myself for starting to turn things around.

I opened the door to The Daily Grind and grimaced as the little bell rang. Hearing that bell a hundred times a day was enough to drive anyone insane.

"Hey, Edward," Bella greeted with a smile from behind the counter. We had fallen into our own routine of sorts. When things slowed down we'd sip our crazy drink creations and talk about everything from our mutual love of music to the memories she had of her grandmother. Somehow in the short span of five days, we really had become friends, and I didn't write any angsty songs or break any more guitars. For the first time in my life, I was content with the way things were. My life would never be sunshine and fucking rainbows, but I was happy with what I had.

"Hey Bella," I replied as I walked behind the counter and enveloped her in a hug.

"Dude, the last thing I need is a sexual harassment suit," Emmett chided. I quickly stepped away from Bella and attempted to flip him off.

"Do you ever give it a rest, Emmett?" Bella asked rolling her eyes and shaking her head in disbelief at my brother.

"No," Emmett and I replied in unison, and Bella let out a small laugh.

"Bella, we're good in here for the day. I know you opened today too so why don't you head out and enjoy the day. Get things in order for tomorrow," Emmett offered. She frowned slightly and nodded her head before pulling her apron off. Tomorrow was Saturday, the day of her grandmother's funeral.

"Come on, kid, I'll take you to lunch," I told her as I fought the urge to touch her. Even if I had tried, though, the casts pretty much prevented me from it.

"Thanks, Edward," she sighed as we exited the coffee shop.

"For what?" I asked

"I know we've gotten off to a bad start, but you've been there for me more than anyone else this week. You've helped me get my mind off things and talk about my grandmother when I wanted. I just appreciate you," she explained with a shrug. Then she chuckled, "Look at me being all sappy."

Her eyes were sad and even though she was smiling, I could tell it was a forced yet rueful smile. In that moment I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward and hugged her tightly.

"I'd do anything for you," I confessed. She looked at me dubiously, and I had to admit, I'd have been wary of me too after all the confrontations we'd had lately. I suddenly remembered what I'd said to her one night, something along the lines that the only reason I even tolerated her existence was because she was Rosalie's cousin. I winced in regret at the memory of my cutting words and icy tone. "You might not believe me, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, but it's the truth." And then it was my turn to chuckle. "See, now I'm being all sappy."

"Wow," she said in surprise before her incredulous expression lightened, her curled lip reshaped into a soft smile. "Thanks?"

"You're welcome?" I laughed using the same questioning tone she did.

We walked in silence to Westville and every time we had to stop for a red light we would glance at each other and smile. Somewhere during the last five days, I had realized that maybe I wasn't as useless as I thought I was. That some day I could be the right guy for Bella. I _hoped_ I could be the right guy for her.

We were seated at the restaurant and immediately took seats across from each other. After we ordered our food we fell into conversation easily.

"Have you talked to Jasper about playing for you?" she asked between bites of her chef salad.

"I haven't seen him in a while," I answered.

"Just call him, and don't be such a bitch," she replied, which caused me to chuckle. I loved how feisty she could be at times.

"Stop stealing all of my free time then," I countered wanting to continue our snarky verbal sparring match.

"Oh…I'm sorry," she apologized as she cast her eyes downward staring at her food with a small frown upon her lips. I immediately felt guilty for making her feel as if I wouldn't be willing to spend any amount of free time I had with her.

"Bella, I was kidding. I like hanging out with you," I clarified myself quickly. Thankfully she looked up with a small crooked smile.

"Really?" she asked and I nodded in answer. Her smile widened as she said, "Cool."

After we finished our meal, we were at a loss of things to do for the rest of the day. We had much of the day left, and I wasn't ready to leave her yet.

"It's a beautiful day out. Why don't we go take a stroll in Central Park?" I suggested.

"That sounds nice."

After some arguing about what train would be closer we agreed to take the R Train to 59thStreet. As we made our way past Barneys and all of the other expensive stores that lined the streets, I grabbed her hand to make sure we did not lose one another. This area was crowded with tourists who were fascinated by the designer stores on 5thAvenue. Surprisingly, Bella didn't mind my taking her hand. In fact, and I may have just been imagining this because my imagination had been working overtime lately, she initiated the lacing of our fingers and even squeezed my hand as we were making our way through the bustling crowd. It really felt…right, her hand in mine, like they belonged together. Like we belonged together. But perhaps she really didn't want to get separated from me since we were, in fact, on unfamiliar territory for her. I would have hated to be lost in a brand new city too.

When we arrived at the entrance of the park our hands were still linked. We entered the park and began our walk, neither of us eager to separate our only connection.

I could slowly feel my resolve breaking. We spent the entire afternoon walking through the park, hands connected as we commented on the beautiful scenery. I walked her to her apartment that night and froze as we said our goodbyes.

Since Bella arrived, I had done nothing but let thoughts of her consume me, torture me, help heal me but never once had I really stopped to think if she wanted me in the same desperate way I needed her. All doubts were pushed out of my mind when she wrapped her arms around my waist and took a deep breath while her head was rested on my chest.

"I know this is a lot to ask," she mumbled nervously before she stepped away and looked up at me with tear filled eyes. She took a deep breath as she tried to blink them back. She spoke quickly. "Will you stay with me tonight? Jake is here, but I don't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with him because too much has happened. You've been my rock this week, and I just don't think I can survive the night alone. And if you don't want to, I totally understand because it is a weird request when you stop and think about it, but there it is, and after our afternoon today plus the time that we'd been spending together I just thought…Oh, nevermind," she was breathless as she finished her last word. Her eyes were trained on her shoes as her shoulders rose and fell with her breathing.

I attempted to pinch the bridge of my nose but failed, effectively banging my cast against myself. I was damn lucky I didn't knock myself out. It must have made a loud thud sound because Bella snapped her head up and stared at me curiously before letting out a small laugh.

"It's not funny," I huffed in annoyance.

"It totally is," she responded laughing as if she had forgotten her embarrassment from two seconds prior.

"I'll stay with you," I blurted out.

She paused and nodded giving me a thankful smile.

We entered her apartment wordlessly. There were too many things to say about us, about her grandmother, but they couldn't be said tonight. I didn't bother to acknowledge Jacob as we made our way to her room. I could never understand how she could let him be within thirty yards of her after what he had done. Once in her room she motioned for me to sit on her bed as she gathered her pajamas and exited the room to change.

I had no idea what the proper etiquette was. Nothing sexual would happen tonight or ever for that matter, but I wasn't sure what I would be sleeping in. I didn't want to assume that sleeping in my boxers would be appropriate so I sat on her bed and waited to ask her what she would be okay with.

As soon as she entered the room it took everything in me not to tackle her to the bed and have my way with her. She was wearing a pair of green boxer shorts with whales on were obviously made for girls because they were extremely short and skin tight. She also wore a mauve tank type that I assumed she hadn't realized was very see through. I quickly averted my gaze as she stared at me questioningly.

"You can sleep in your boxers, I don't mind," she offered as she laid down, pulling the covers over herself before picking up what I assumed to be the remote to the air conditioner. She pressed a few buttons before I heard the loud hum that indicated it was on.

I pulled off my shirt and immediately grew nervous. Although Bella would not see me naked tonight this was the first time a girl, besides Tanya, had seen this much of me. To any other man this would seem ridiculous, but no other man had lived life as guarded as I had. I didn't know what made the idea of sex so terrifying for me, but maybe it was because I knew how life altering and damaging it could be. I was proof of that. I didn't want to be ruined by sex or ruin anyone else, especially Bella, for that matter.

I climbed in to bed with Bella slowly and carefully, realizing that this was as naked as I would ever be with her.

"My grandmother would have loved to see me on stage," she mused as she turned onto her side. I did the same. We held each other's gazes for what felt like an eternity.

"You are amazing on stage. I'm sure that she is watching you and cheering you on. I bet she's bragging to Jesus about how talented her grand daughter is," I smiled as she laughed at my statement. We talked a little more but not much more. I couldn't even recall what was said, but I was acutely aware of our proximity, trying to lock the content feeling that Bella brought me to memory.

She fell asleep quicker than I thought while I laid there in silence. Her hair was sprawled across the pillow, her mouth slightly open while her breath came in what sounded more like sighs.

Suddenly she sat up, her eyes shooting open. It must have been an awful dream because I could immediately see the tears falling freely from her eyes. She turned to me and I automatically opened my arms to her. It was the only thing I could think of to comfort her. She settled herself against my chest, her body pressed into my side as her tears wet my bare chest. I ran my fingers through her hair mindlessly as I began to sing to her, hoping to help her sleep.

**I'm on fire**

**And the day is feeling hopeless**

**You'd see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless**

**Soon I won't feel at all**

**No**

**It's electric the neon hurt inside your phone call**

**The layered sadness and the madness it revolves**

**Bringing down the walls where you found her**

**No**

**Well, I'm willing to break myself**

**To shake this hell from everything I touch**

**I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays**

**So you don't hurt so much**

**And now I'm static**

**As your sky is turning purple and gray**

**I'm learning that the further that I crawl**

**The farther that I fall, is that ok?**

**No**

**And you're in pieces**

**As your world becomes a rainstorm**

**You've got no shelter I'm a thousand miles away**

**If you survive the day**

**You say your leaving**

**You say your leaving**

**Well, I'm willing to break myself**

**To shake this hell from everything I touch**

**I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays**

**So you don't hurt so much**

**So you don't hurt so much**

**Never again will we fire this gun**

**No never again your the only one**

**No never again but you're already gone.**

**I'm willing to break myself**

**I'm not afraid**

**I'm willing to break myself**

**I'm not afraid**

**I'm willing to break myself**

**I'm not afraid**

**Well, I'm willing to break myself**

**To shake this hell from everything I touch**

**I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays**

**So you don't hurt so much**

She whispered my name before her eyes grew too heavy and sleep finally claimed her once again. I kissed the top of her head and promised myself to be strong for her tomorrow. She needed me and for one day I could put all the things I was feeling aside.

* * *

_I miss the angst but fear not! it will return soon. As always your reviews are very welcome, if I get a nice amount then I might even put Chapter 12 up very soon. _

_the photobucket account for this story is **lambonthelam**_


	12. On The Radio

I had a particularly bad day at Buffalo Exchange today, after a slew of mishaps. I dropped a roller blade on my toe then had a coworker come out frantic because something happened to my brand new Foley and Corina city tote, thanks to the insane downpours that have been occurring here in NYC, water leaked onto my brand new leather bag. It may be ruined, I won't know until morning.

Luckily I had you guys and your amazing reviews to make me feel better, your support means everything to me. Big things are going to be happening in the next few chapters and I can't wait for you to read them!

My Beta's **MadelineJade** and **Twilight-is-lovee** are incredible as usual.

**Warning - this chapter is super sad**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

Today was the day that my family would put my grandmother, Katherine Dwyer, to rest. I had dreaded this day all week, and I was appreciative of the comfort and distraction that Edward had brought me. Despite our rough start, he had stepped up when I needed someone. Alice and Rosalie were, of, course there as well, but I was not looking for an "I'm sorry" or someone to baby me.

I snuggled into the warm body next to me and took a deep breath, appreciating his scent. It took a few minutes in my groggy state to realize that I was in bed with someone, and then it hit me. Edward. I was in bed with Edward. Before I could even process this information, I heard a light knock on my door, so I slowly wiggled my way out from his grasp and quietly made my way to the door. I opened the door as slowly as I could and stood wide-eyed when I found what was on the other side.

"We all want to take the train together," Alice said before she pushed past me. Of course, it took her all of three seconds to realize that there was someone in my bed, and then only another two to realize it was Edward.

"Edward!" she shrieked. He sat up quickly, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes, but effectively just hitting himself with his cast for the millionth time.

"Bella! Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm okay. Everyone is here," I answered. Alice stood there with her hand on her hip, tapping her foot against the floor, obviously wondering what was going on, and clearly wanting answers immediately.

He threw the covers off him and frantically searched for his clothes, before he realized that not only was his sister in the room, but his brother, Rosalie, Jasper, and Jacob were all standing in the doorway. I sighed heavily and smacked my palm against my forehead. What an amazing start to a day like this.

"I was really torn up last night, so I asked Edward to stay. We're just friends; nothing happened," I explained before I pushed past the crowd and made my way to the kitchen. I knew by the lack of response that they were all going to tiptoe around me today. "Give me a fucking break, you guys; my grandmother died. I loved her, but I know all about the circle of life and all that jazz. Today, please don't treat me like I'm breakable. I need to feel normal."

When I was done with my speech, they all took deep breaths and erupted into a chorus of, "Why the fuck did you ask Edward? Why was he in his boxers? You should've called me," and my personal favorite, which came from Emmett, "Bella, are you cold?" I raised an eyebrow at him and followed his gaze to my chest. It was then that I realized that my tank top was see-through. Edward had been nothing but a gentleman and never once sneaked a peek. I covered my chest immediately and stomped back to my room, slamming the door in their faces. Edward was now fully dressed yet still looked frazzled.

"You okay?" I asked as I searched my closet for my new black dress. I heard him approaching and turned around to face him.

"That wasn't my favorite way to be woken up, but I'm fine. How are _you_?" he asked as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. Somehow, he did it without punching me out with his cast.

"I'm as good as I will be today. Thank you for staying," I said with a smile as I began to rifle through my closet again.

I heard him whisper something, but it was too low for me to hear. Before I could ask what he said, I heard the door close.

There was no time to analyze his strange behavior, so I got dressed, and after eating breakfast, we all headed to Penn Station to catch a train into New Jersey. Since it was early morning on a Saturday, the train wasn't very full, and we all found seats close together. Edward and I sat across from each other, and Rosalie sat next to me, with Emmett opposite her in an almost booth-like seating area. Somewhere along the ride, Edward's legs and mine tangled into one other. He smiled at me apologetically as he freed his legs from mine, and I silently waved him off. Rosalie watched the interaction with a quirked eyebrow at me. I shrugged her off, too, and continued to read _Pride and Prejudice_.

"Always reading that fucking book," I heard Jacob say as he hung over me in his seat.

"I'm sorry, Jake; I just love Fitzwilliam Darcy. There's just something so old school about him that I can't quite put my finger on. Oh, I know. It's his ability to stay faithful," I replied, nodding at my own assessment.

Edward, Emmett, and Rose all laughed loudly while Jacob glared. His angry stare was directed towards Edward.

"I wonder how bad it would hurt if I hit someone in the face with these," Edward mused while examining the hard casts on his arms. Jacob took the hint and turned around in his seat.

"When are you going to get those things off?" Emmett asked.

"They said it wasn't as bad as they first thought; just a bad sprain, but I'll have to wear some sort of brace, and I still can't play for a few weeks," Edward explained. I cleared my throat and cocked my head towards Jasper, who was sitting across the aisle from us. Edward glared at me and sighed in defeat.

"Jasper?" he called across the aisle.

"What's up?" Jasper answered as he shifted his body towards us.

"Do you think you could play guitar for me at Sweet Up's? I can still sing and write, but I can't play," he said nervously. I could tell how uncomfortable he was, asking for a favor.

"Yeah, sure, man, no problem. I play piano and pretty much every instrument, too," Jasper replied without a second thought.

"He's not lying," Alice commented.

For the rest of the train ride, Edward and Alice switched seats so we could get "girl time," as Alice called it, while Edward sat with Jasper and discussed their future as a twosome. We arrived in Elizabeth, New Jersey, quicker than I thought we would. We exited the train station together and searched for any familiar faces. We soon found Renée, along with Rose's mother, Lillian.

"Mom, Aunt Lilly." I greeted them each with a hug and kiss. There was no need for introductions, seeing as how everyone had already met at Rosalie and Emmett's wedding.

Renée and Aunt Lilly had both borrowed mini-vans from family members to get us all to the funeral, which was to be held at my grandmother's house. Grammy had requested to be cremated and buried in her garden, next to Grandpa's ashes. She always had a special attachment to her house. Her parents had bought it for her after my grandfather and she had gotten married. She raised my mother and aunt in this house and took care of Rose and me many summers in it, as well.

We pulled up to the white Victorian, and immediately, I felt the pain. The house somehow looked sad, as if it knew the life that had loved it was now gone. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, and blinked them back furiously. I felt fingers lace with mine, and gave them a tight squeeze; I could tell it was Edward by the end of his cast digging into my palms. During our walk in Central Park, it was completely painful, but I refused to let his hand go. It felt too comforting, being so close to Edward, to separate myself from him.

"Thank you," I mouthed before exiting the car, our hands still linked together.

The funeral was heartbreaking. The pain in my chest seemed to multiply by the second. The only thing keeping me grounded was Edward. I was leaning into his side, our hands still locked, as I fought back the tears. My grandmother was always so full of life, and she'd often say that she wanted her funeral to be happy, for us to celebrate her life and not wallow in her death.

Remembering her words struck me; I stood up tall and proud before releasing Edward's hand. He glanced down at me curiously, and then I got an idea. I wanted to spend one last day with my grandmother, to revisit her life in this town with her before she was laid to rest.

As my mother picked up the urn with my grandmother's ashes and prepared to drop it into the hole that had been dug, I ran towards her and snatched it while running past the crowd of mourners. I tucked my grandmother under my arm tightly and prayed that I didn't fall. I could hear the loud gasps and the voices of my family yelling after me as I made my way to the front of the house. I searched around frantically, trying to open doors and see who had left their keys in the ignition.

I was about to give up before I saw the black Hearse. There was no time to think. My family was approaching fast; they all had different expressions on their faces from shocked, sad, worried, and happy. The faces of my aunt, Rosalie, and even my dad looked understanding. They knew what my grandmother wanted and that I would give it to her.

I leaned into the backseat of the Hearse and strapped my grandmother's urn in tightly. Running over to the driver's side, I climbed in quickly and started the ignition. The Hearse roared to life, and before pulling out of the driveway, I glanced over at the crowd on the lawn. I saw Edward running towards me and could hear Alice yelling after him.

"Where are you going?!"

"I'm not leaving her alone!" he answered before he yanked the door open and climbed into the passenger's seat. As soon as the door was closed, I stomped on the gas and pulled out. We drove in silence for a few blocks, before stopping at a stop sign. I glanced over at him, and we locked eyes. There was complete silence before we both broke into laughter.

"You're insane!" he said between gasping for air.

I let my laughter die down before I spoke. "She wanted a celebration. I'm going to give it to her," I explained with a smile before turning on the radio. _November Rain_began to play through the speakers.

Grammy, Edward, and I drove around town, while I told stories that Grammy had told me about her life before my mother. Stories about raising Renée and Lillian, and even stories about Rose and me.

When we arrived back at the house, my family and friends were waiting on the lawn in chairs, drinking beers and laughing. Their eyes were trained on Edward and me while we made our way up the hill to them, Grammy tucked safely under my arm.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out.

"We understand. It's okay," Aunt Lilly answered as she approached me and pulled me into a hug.

We all silently made our way to the garden. Renée, Lilly, Rose, and I knelt down by the hole and grabbed the urn. Together, we lowered it into the hole that was surrounded by red roses and lilies. After we covered the hole and patted down the dirt, we sat down around it.

"She's with grandpa now," Rose said as she leaned into her mother while she let tears fall freely from her eyes. We all nodded in agreement. I looked around me and realized that the rest of our family and friends had left us in peace to experience this.

"Thank you for taking her for one last go around town. She would've gotten a kick out of that," my mom said as she patted my back. We were never as affectionate or as close as Rosalie and her mother, but that was what I had Grammy for.

When the sun went down, Rose, my mother, and Aunt Lilly went inside to look through old family albums with everyone. I sat there alone in the dark. I began to hum softly to myself before I started to sing the words to _Sonny_ by New Found Glory.

**I'm sorry**

**I heard about the bad news today**

**A crowd of people around you**

**Telling you it's okay**

**And everything happens for a reason**

**When you lose a part of your self**

**To somebody you know**

**It takes a lot to let go**

**Every breath that you remember**

**Pictures fade away but memory is forever**

**An empty chair at all the tables**

**And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down**

**But it's better where you're going anyway**

**I'm sorry**

**I heard about the bad news today**

**It's really hard to get through**

**Tough times and long days**

**But it really just depends on the season**

**For now we'll say goodbye**

**We know it's not the last time**

**I've lost the best part of my day**

**But it's better where you're going anyway**

**This is the last thing**

**I will remember**

**It's better where you're going anyway**

I must have been lost in my singing, because I hadn't noticed that Edward had taken a seat across from me. We stared into each other's eyes in silence.

"I want to live," he said before he leaned in half way across towards me. I nodded in agreement before I leaned forward to meet him. Our lips had barely even touched, and I shivered from the feeling that coursed through me. It felt right. Just like in my dream, his lips were incredibly soft, but unlike my dream, this kiss was sweet, patient. We pulled away after a series of chaste kisses, and smiled at one another. No words needed to be spoken about what had just occurred. We just knew there was no turning back now.

We sat there talking about Grammy for a little while before he suggested we go inside.

"I'll meet you in there," I said as he stood up and retreated into the house. I kissed my palm and placed it atop the packed dirt that held the remains of a woman who could have out shined the sun.

"I hope my life will be filled with as much love and happiness as yours was. I love you, and I promise that I will never let anyone forget you," I vowed.

Suddenly, the strength I had finally dissolved after a long day of trying to hold myself together and trying to celebrate her rather than merely mourn her. And while I wished I could have remained celebratory, the pain and sadness of my grandmother's passing took its toll on me. Sobs wracked my body as sat in the wet grass next to what was left of my grandmother. I vaguely felt strong arms wrap around me and lift me up into a cradling position. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his chest while I tried to control my sobs.

"It's okay," he said as he stroked my hair.

I was a wreck, but my father let me lean on him as he led me into the house. We safely made it to the spare bedroom that had been mine when I was a child. He laid me down and pulled the blankets over me before placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I love you," he said as he brushed the hair away from my face.

"I love you too, Daddy," I whispered. As soon as he exited the room, I turned to my side and began to cry again. I tried to hide my face in my pillow, hoping to not disturb anyone. I tried to quiet my crying and took a couple gasps of air when I heard the bedroom door opening and closing as someone made their way towards me. It could have been anyone, but I was too grief stricken and tired to even turnover and look to see who it was. They climbed into bed and pressed their body against the length of mine, spooning me. His strong arms wrapped around me as he held me close.

"I'm here for you," was all Edward whispered before he began to hum. Eventually, my crying stopped, my breathing evened out, and I could have sworn I heard him whisper, "Always," before sleep finally claimed me.

* * *

_I love this chapter and Edward. Next chapter will be angsty, Edward can't be angstless for long. Reviews make me happy and put out chapters faster ;) _


	13. I Want You

My last few days have been hectic. I got the chance to go to the Today show to see Kings Of Leon, most amazing experience. It might take a little longer for me to update because I'd like to be 2 chapters ahead of the one I post. Some amazing users sent me private messages and left some incredible reviews for the last chapter that literally almost made me cry, you guys are amazing and your support means everything.

I wish I could give **MadelineJade** a baby sitter and some time off for a week because I don't know how she manages to help me out with my story between her hectic schedule. Thanks again to **Twilight-is-lovee** for her help.

**Songs for this chapter **

**On The Radio - Regina Spektor**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

I didn't know how long I had been awake or even what time it was. Bella was on her side, facing me, our bodies pressed tightly together. Her head was resting just under my chin, I could feel her breath tickling my neck, and every now and then, she would sigh in her sleep and snuggle into me some more. I fucking loved being this close to her. I let out a sigh as I began to replay the events of the previous day in my head. Hearing her stories about her grandmother, about how full of life she was, stirred something in me. I knew from the stories that Bella's grandmother died without any regrets. She had a rich life filled with more love and laughter than I could ever hope to have.

I wanted to try with Bella. I couldn't live the rest of my life with a big 'what if' hanging over my head. Kissing her felt so fucking incredible. Her lips were so soft and eager against mine, and every now and then, she'd let out a little moan that went straight to my dick. It took everything I had to remember where we were: kissing over her grandmother's urn in the backyard with our friends and family mere feet away. There was so much to say when we finally pulled apart, but we silently agreed that now wasn't the time.

I had watched her say her final farewell from the window of the guest bedroom. I watched as her father carried her into the house, and listened by the door, waiting for his footsteps to retreat. I felt something pulling me towards her; I felt her need for me in that moment. I did the only thing that I could. I held her. I sang to her until her tears subsided, and didn't stop until I knew her breathing had evened out and she was sound asleep.

I was broken out of my thoughts by the feel of soft lips pressing kisses against my neck. "Bella," I moaned in a whisper.

She pulled her body away from me slightly, her red eyes looking up into mine. She had woken up crying a few times during the night, and I'd comforted her as best I could, while my heart broke for her. I hated to see her in so much pain. Although her eyes showed the evidence of her endless nighttime tears, they conveyed something different. She looked awed, happy, and thankful.

I smiled down at her before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on her lips. Right before I could pull away, she tangled her fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck and held me closer, her lips becoming more urgent against mine. Our tongues fought for dominance as she somehow managed to roll me onto my back, her small body straddling mine. I attempted to palm her breasts in my hand, forgetting the casts that held them prison. I must have hurt her because she immediately pulled away and rolled off me, both of her hands holding onto her left breast.

"Ouch," she said hoarsely before letting out a small laugh. "I don't understand how you forget that your hands are almost entirely encased in plaster."

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

"No, it's okay. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. It's just that… I've just been wanting to kiss you that way since I met you," she said, ducking her head and hiding behind her hair as she climbed out of bed, leaving me too stunned to respond. Was she blushing? I couldn't believe she just said she had wanted me since the first time she laid eyes on me. She had wanted me this entire time? I couldn't help but smile victoriously as I climbed out of her bed. As soon as I exited her room, I could hear the loud voices of my family and friends coming from downstairs.

"Bella! Why are your lips all red and puffy?" I could hear Emmett ask. I growled as I made my way down the stairs. "Oh, good morning, Eddie," Emmett greeted me when I reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Don't call me that," I responded as I took a seat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

The rest of the morning was spent in awkward silence. Bella's mother and aunt offered to drive us back into the city, which we all thanked them profusely for. Nothing was worse than New Jersey transit. Everyone invited themselves over to my apartment to watch Jasper and I jam.

I watched Bella and my family enter my apartment, thankful that I had cleaned up all of the empty beer bottles. Rose and Emmett sat on the small island in the kitchen, and Jasper and Alice had chosen the love seat in the living room, which left Bella. I watched her as she nervously made her way towards my writing chair, and I immediately noticed the worried glances my family were giving each other. She took a seat in the chair and noticed the glances they were giving her.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"It's just that…" Alice paused. "Edward never lets anyone sit in that chair, ever," she explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Bella said as she began to stand up from her seat.

"You can sit there," I told her quickly. "You are my girl." I said the last part as confidently and matter-of-factly as I could, though we had yet to discuss what we were. Hearing the news of our new relationship status, my family erupted into a chorus of "What the fucks"?

Bella ignored everyone's questions. Her eyes remained trained on mine. She simply nodded once before saying, "Yeah, I am your girl."

And there it was. All the nights I spent awake thinking of her, about how I would never have her, all the booze, the distractions, my fucked up hands, they were all worth it. She was my girl now.

"Don't fuck this up," Rosalie said pointedly, effectively ending the twenty questions session, which Bella and I had completely ignored anyway. I nodded quickly before getting my guitar out and handing it to Jasper. I would try my damnedest not to.

We had spent the entire afternoon putting music to some of my songs, even reworking some of the lyrics. Jasper and I worked surprisingly well together. I sat on the floor in front of Bella. Her legs rested on either side of me, and every now and then she'd run her fingers mindlessly through my hair as I sang. It was perfect, and it felt so right being this close to her as I practiced, since most of the songs were so obviously written about her.

I could have stayed like that all afternoon and evening, but we had to cut our session short because Bella was scheduled to perform at Sweet Up's tonight and needed to get ready. We all went our separate ways and agreed to meet up at the bar for her show.

On my walk to Sweet Up's, I decided to call Bella, since we had barely been able to talk in the last twenty-four hours,though it was evident that we both had a lot to say.

"Hello," a breathless male voice answered. I immediately recognized it as Jacob.

"Why the fuck are you answering Bella's phone?" I yelled into the phone.

I faintly heard her moan in the background and call for Jacob before the call was ended. I was fuming, seeing fucking red. She had been my girl for less than a day and already she was in bed with him, with Jacob of all people.

When I made it to the bar, I didn't stop to greet Garrett or acknowledge any of the people who greeted me. I sat at the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey from Kate, ordering her to keep them coming.

I was really fucking drunk by the time I saw Bella entering the bar, her arm draped over Jacob's shoulder, his hand resting on her hip. I saw red again. How dare he fucking touch her? How dare she cheat on me already? I made my way over to them, not bothering to apologize to the people I had pushed out of my way.

"Get your fucking hands off her, you dog," I spat angrily.

"Edward, it's not what it looks like," Bella tried to explain as she reached for me, her hand coming to rest on my forearm.

"Don't touch me, you fucking slag," I growled. Her face looked shocked at first, like I had just slapped her, before it settled simply on pained as she pulled her hand off me. Jacob immediately let her go and stepped toward me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Bella had stumbled a little at the loss of contact and searched for something to grab on to. Her hand caught the back of a chair and she steadied herself.

It was then that I noticed there was something not right about her, but before I could ask, Jacob gritted his teeth, sneering, "You and me. Outside. Now."

I followed Jacob outside, unaware that the rest of my family, as well as Bella, were following behind us.

"Don't you dare ever talk to Bella that way," Jake yelled into my face. I was trying to be as calm as possible, but Jack Daniels was not doing me any good. I couldn't afford to get into another fight, though.

"I can talk about her however I want. She's my fucking girlfriend!" I yelled back.

"Psshh, not anymore!" I heard Bella yell from behind me. I turned around to see her leaning against the brick wall of the bar, my family standing beside her.

"You fucking cheated on me," I seethed as I stalked towards her.

"Whoa, Edward, back up," Emmett ordered protectively, trying to step between Bella and me.

"I'm not going to hurt her," I barked at him.

Her face looked incredulous before she began laughing, though it was without humor. "What? I didn't cheat on you! You're such an idiot!"

"Then why did Jacob answer your phone all breathless? Why did I hear you moaning and calling his name then? Am I that fucking delusional that I can't put two and two together?" It was then that it hit me, the aching pain in my chest. It felt painfully hollow. Broken. I could feel everything, and I was acting out in anger, jealously, betrayal. No longer could I crawl into my empty unfeeling hole. I was human now.

Her face became serious as she heard my words, "I twisted my ankle. Jacob ran to get the phone to call an ambulance even though I didn't need one. You heard me moaning because I was in fucking pain," she explained as she shook her head in disdain at me.

I grimaced, closing my eyes, realizing what as asshole I was. Of course she wouldn't cheat on me, and yet that was the first thought that entered my mind. I was really messed up. I wanted to apologize, to try to make things right, but I had barely even uttered out her name before she cut me off.

"It's nice to know how little you think of me, though," was all she said, and at the same time, she pushed off the wall and attempted to hop back inside of the bar. She swayed a little and lost her balance. Before she could hit the ground though, I caught her and carefully turned her around, pulling her little body tightly against body was tense, but she didn't try to break away from me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I slurred as I buried my nose in her hair, taking a deep breath of her strawberry scent.

"You're an idiot. You know that? We've been together for less than twenty-four hours, and you've managed to fuck everything up already. Forget it, Edward. You and I will never work anyway." She spoke quietly, but her voice was absolute and unwavering. She pushed herself away from me, turning and hobbling into the bar as fast as she could.

"Fuck," I yelled to no one in particular. She was right. I didn't trust her. I didn't trust myself. I fucking failed before I even started.

"She's falling in love with you, you know?" Jacob said from behind me. I sighed as I turned to face him. "It's too bad you're a fuck up."

His words struck me. Yes, I was fuck up, but was I falling in love with her too? I racked my brain for the answer but came up blank. I didn't know. I knew I cared about her, cared for her, and would do just about anything she asked, but love was a big word for me. It was a foreign word. A foreign emotion. I could already hear Bella's singing as I made my way back inside with my tail between my legs.

"I wrote this song about the weekend I just shared with someone I care deeply about, although he is one hell of a jack ass. This one's called On the Radio."

**This is how it works**

**It feels a little worse**

**Than when we drove our hearse**

**Right through that screaming crowd**

**While laughing up a storm**

**Until we were just bone**

**Until it got so warm**

**That none of us could sleep**

**And all the Styrofoam**

**Began to melt away**

**We tried to find some worms**

**To aid in the decay**

**But none of them were home**

**Inside their catacomb**

**A million ancient bees**

**Began to sting our knees**

**While we were on our knees**

**Praying that disease**

**Would leave the ones we love**

**And never come again**

**On the radio**

**We heard November Rain**

**That solo's really long**

**But it's a pretty song**

**We listened to it twice**

**'Cause the DJ was asleep**

**This is how it works**

**You're young until you're not**

**You love until you don't**

**You try until you can't**

**You laugh until you cry**

**You cry until you laugh**

**And everyone must breathe**

**Until their dying breath**

**No, this is how it works**

**You peer inside yourself**

**You take the things you like**

**And try to love the things you took**

**And then you take that love you made**

**And stick it into some**

**Someone else's heart**

**Pumping someone else's blood**

**And walking arm in arm**

**You hope it don't get harmed**

**But even if it does**

**You'll just do it all again**

**And on the radio**

**You hear November Rain**

**That solo's awful long**

**But it's a good refrain**

**You listen to it twice**

**'Cause the DJ is asleep**

**On the radio**

She closed her eyes tightly as the last notes rang out. It seemed like she was trying to keep her emotions and… perhaps tears—I couldn't be sure—in check before she opened them again. Her shaky breathing could be heard through the microphone. "Thank you," she said breathlessly before hopping off her stool and then limping off the stage. I approached her before she had a chance to disappear within the crowd.

"Bella, I am so sorry. Please give me another chance," I pleaded.

"Why?" she said as she took a deep breath, her brown eyes sad when they finally found mine.

I wanted to make a big declaration, to sweep her into my arms and make love to her all night, but this was the real world. My feelings were a huge fucking gray area that I did not know how to approach. Having her in my life this way was new. Having anyone in my life this way was new. I answered honestly with the only response that I could muster.

"Because you make me feel. Because before you, I was so fucking dried up and numb inside. You've changed me so fast and so completely that it scares the shit out of me. I overact because I don't know how to react. I've never felt most of these feelings before, and I don't know what to do. I should've never jumped to conclusions or spoke to you the way that I did. It was completely unforgiveable. I won't say I'm sorry anymore because it doesn't convey how I feel for how I just treated you. I care about you, Isabella, and for right now, that is all I can offer. I promise to try my best to deserve you, if you can forgive me for my childish outbursts that may occur, because I'm a fucking newborn to this feelings shit."

I could barely breathe when I was done with my speech. I searched her eyes for an answer. I was scared shitless. What if she walked away? She had every right to, but then what would I do?

"Okay," she answered quietly as she nodded. "But just refrain from calling me a slag, slut, whore or any name for a prostitute or promiscuous woman in any slang term or language," she ordered me as she poked her pointer finger into my shoulder for each misogynistic term she rattled off just to underscore her how serious she was. The look in her eyes was intense, yet her feistiness was adorable at the same time, and I managed to stifle the smile that was trying to form on my lips. I didn't want Bella to think I was mocking her.

"Deal," I said before I quickly grabbed her, pulling her body tightly against mine. "I really do care about you," I reiterated as I pressed my lips against hers gently, reveling in the feeling of her body melting into mine. I was home and would do everything in my power to not royally fuck up again.

* * *

_Ah how I missed Angstward. I promise to write Chapters 15 and 16 very soon, I will try to update within 3 days! as always leave me some lovely reviews, they honestly do motivate me. _


	14. Use Somebody

Once again your reviews have inspired me, I honestly can't find the words to explain how much your support moves me. I hope that you continue with me on this journey because it's going to get bumpy pretty soon.

My Beta **MadelineJade** is incredible, enough said. **twilight-is-lovee **is equally as wonderful of course.

This chapter is short but I am on a roll right now so if I get a good amount of reviews(which I know I will because you guys are amazing!) then I will post the next one as soon as Chapter 17 is written which actually should be tonight or early tomorrow.

**Songs For This Chapter**

**Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

I groaned as I placed my elbow on the counter and slouched in my seat. Work was killing me. I had been alone at The Daily Grind since 5:30 this morning. Edward couldn't help due to the doctor's appointment he had to get his casts off.

It had been two weeks since our big fight at Sweet Ups, and it would be an understatement to say things started out rough. Being with Edward took a lot of patience and understanding, but I was the first person he really cared about, and honestly, he was the first guy I ever fell in love with. To make up for his gigantic screw up, he made a point to dedicate at least one song to me every night while he and Jasper played. To everyone's surprise, they caught the attention of a small record label that sent a representative from California.

Edward was thrilled. He had come to the decision that even though he could begin playing sooner than he expected, he would rather keep Jasper around. He had made such a great deal of progress with everyone that we all sometimes forgot how shut down he used to be. This Edward was a different person; he was witty, outgoing, humorous, and incredibly caring. However, he often did let his old ways show by brooding over everything.

I was broken out of my thoughts by the obnoxious bell ringing to indicate someone, the someone turning out to be Edward, had entered the shop.

"Good morning, my beautiful, talented, amazing girlfriend," he greeted with his hands hidden behind his back.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, still grumpy from the morning rush.

"What did I do now?" His face fell as he sighed. He had a habit of assuming that every bad emotion I felt was attributed to his actions. Edward Cullen thought the world revolved around him.

"I'm just tired, and I missed you," I said as I walked around the counter. I smiled up at him before pressing my body against his, wrapping my hands around his waist. I sighed in contentment, and then felt something that caused me to jump back. His hands were no longer covered in plaster and were currently splayed across the small of my back.

"I've got hands now." He smiled and winked at me suggestively. Edward and I had gotten into the habit of spending most of our nights together, either at his place or at mine. We had perfected the art of kissing each other, but his lack of hands prohibited anything more. However, now that his hands were free, there was nothing stopping us from exploring each other fully.

"My place or yours?" I asked with a smirk.

"Mine. I don't want to subject poor Angela to anything," he said as he placed a small kiss on my forehead.

Angela had moved in a week ago, after Jacob had finally left. I'd told him he didn't have to go back to Forks, but he had to get the hell out of my apartment. I never saw Angela during the day because either I was with Edward or I was working, but we saw each other almost every night at the bar.

"I have to go meet Jasper to discuss some things. Meet me at my place after work." He pressed his lips softly against mine, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back. I let out a small sigh when he pulled apart, missing the connection immediately. He left, and I was once again alone to daydream, this time of what the night would bring.

--

I clutched the small bottle of wine tightly as I lifted one hand to knock on Edward's door. He opened it faster than I expected, causing me to jump slightly in surprise. Even more surprising was the fact that I hadn't dropped the bottle. We greeted each other with a chaste kiss before I entered the apartment.

"I got us some wine to celebrate your free hands," I said with a smile as I placed the bottle on the island in the kitchen.

"Are you trying to get me drunk so that you can have your way with me?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"You wish," I laughed as I sat down in his brown chair.

He shook his head as he chuckled, which caused me to smile at the thought that this beautiful man was mine.

"What's got you all smiley?" he asked as he kneeled in front of me, resting his body in between my thighs.

"Just you," I replied simply as I leaned forward to press my lips against his. This kiss was different from all the rest. It held the promises of something more than dry humping like teenagers. The thought of Edward Cullen naked sent a shiver up my spine, causing me to moan against his lips. Suddenly his lips were pressing harder against mine, his tongue fighting for dominance against mine. His fingers were tracing light circles on the back of my neck, which spurred me on further. I began to unbutton his shirt when his hands flew to mine, holding them still.

I pulled away from him with a confused look in my eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked, concerned by his sudden reaction.

"I can't," was all he said as he stood and sat in the love seat opposite the chair.

"You can't what?" I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Rejection was never my friend, especially when it came from my own boyfriend.

"I can't have sex with you." His eyes immediately found mine, and I could see the pain, the struggle he was going through. I decided that telling him my feelings for him could possibly help ease him.

"I love you. I know that we've barely known each other for two months and have been together for less time than that, but I know how I feel about you. I love you." As soon as the words left my tongue, he froze. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, and I could see his lips moving as if he were speaking to himself.

"Edward? Do you feel the same?" I asked hesitantly after what felt like an eternity of awkward silence. I bit my lip in anticipation of his answer, any answer.

Silence once again fell over the room. I could hear his breathing from where I sat, and it was anything but steady. My face flushed at the realization of what I had just admitted. It was too soon to say those words, yet I thought they would be the answer to everything. There was no doubt in my mind of what I felt, but I did not stop to think that Edward might've felt differently.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I'll just go then." I stood hurriedly, searching for my purse, my fight or flight instincts overcoming me. I chose to flee.

Finally finding my purse, I made my way to the door, looking at the wall, the window, the floor, anything but Edward's eyes. Embarrassment and humiliation washed over me. It was obvious he didn't feel the same way, which was fine…I guess, but I had to get out of there.

The moment my hand touched the handle of the door, Edward called out my name, causing me to freeze. I didn't turn to face him, but I stood there waiting for what he wanted to say.

"I want you to meet my parents," he blurted out as he made his way over to me.

"Why?" I asked, scowling at the door, confused by his sudden reaction.

"Because I care about you deeply," was all he said.

I thought over that statement. It wasn't one hundred percent reciprocation, but it was enough for now. Coming from Edward Cullen, that was probably a huge break through, his admitting he cared deeply about _anything_ let alone an actual person. Yes, this was huge for him.

"Okay," I said, finally turning around to look at him. I was nervous and still embarrassed about earlier but he squashed my uneasiness a bit when he closed the space between us and enveloped me in a hug.

"Will you still stay tonight?" he asked burying his nose and mouth in the top of my head.

I agreed, deciding to forget my earlier profession of love as best I could.

So apparently, his parents had been in town for a few days, and he had decided to attempt to reconcile with them.

"Hey, Bella?" he asked from his where he sat after we ate dinner, while he mindlessly strummed on his guitar.

"Hmm?" I responded as I put the last dish away and made my way over to join him.

"I wrote a new song, and I finally put some music to it this afternoon. Can I play it for you?" he asked with a smile. I nodded, still trying to pull myself together from the earlier incident.

**I've been roaming around, always lookin' down at all I see.**

**Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.**

**You know that I could use somebody**

**You know that I could use somebody**

**Someone like you**

**And all you know and how you speak**

**Countless lovers undercover of the street**

**You know that I could use somebody**

**You know that I could use somebody**

**Someone like you**

**Off in the night while you live it up, I'm off to sleep**

**Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat**

**I hope it's gonna make you notice**

**I hope it's gonna make you notice**

**Someone like me**

**Someone like me**

**Someone like me**

**Somebody**

**(Go and let it out)**

**Someone like you**

**Somebody**

**Someone like you**

**Somebody**

**Someone like you**

**Somebody**

"Wow," was all I said as I sat there, stunned by him. It was hard for me to fathom how one man could possess the talent to create such amazing music.

"I wrote it about you," he said as he put his guitar to the side. A smile lit up his face, and immediately the tension between us had somehow dissipated. "Do you like it?"

I decided to answer his question with a kiss.

We spent the rest of the night relaxing in his apartment, something we didn't get to do often because of our almost nightly gigs. When it came time for bed, I couldn't help but flush red thinking of our previous encounter in the living room. There would be no professions of love or joining of bodies tonight, just Edward in his boxers and me in one of his old, ratty t-shirts.

It pained me greatly to feel this way with him. Although my body was pressed against his as we slept, I couldn't help but feel as if we were miles apart. I fell asleep asking myself the same question over and over again. Could Edward Cullen ever love me in return? Could anyone ever love me?

--

I was awakened by the sound of Edward's doorbell ringing. I peered over at him to see he was sound asleep. Figuring it was just one of his family members, I made my way to the front door.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming. Jeez," I said as the knocking became more insistent. I unlocked the door and pulled it open, completely unprepared for what was waiting for me. I could tell that they were Edward's parents, as I remembered seeing them in the pictures of Rosalie's wedding.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" I asked, hoping they were just Edward's parents' doppelgangers.

"Yes, and you are?" Mrs. Cullen asked with raised eyebrows.

"Esme? Carlisle?" Edward asked from behind me, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

There we stood, me in Edward's t-shirt and my underwear, and Edward in nothing but boxers, at the front door with his parents. What an amazing first impression I managed to make.

* * *

_I promise my chapters will get longer from here on out, I was just struggling for a bit but now I'm back on track. Like I said earlier the more reviews the faster 15 gets put out! Now I'm off to write 17 for all of you lovely Ladies. Here's a little spoiler about chapter 16: there will be a lemon ;)_


	15. Genius

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I am almost done writing chapter 17 so I thought I'd let this guy free for you lovely ladies. The major events I had in mind for this story are finally starting to take place!

My beta's **MadelineJade **and **twilight-is-lovee** are amazing! I don't what I'd do without them.

This chapter is dedicated to **TeamMidnightSun **who always give me a big kick when I'm suffering from a writers block.

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer.**

**

* * *

  
**

I was awakened by the sound of my apartment door opening. The sound of the locks were anything but subtle. Once I realized that Bella was no longer in bed with me, I panicked, and my head quickly went to a negative place. I worried that she wasn't satisfied with me and wanted to flee before I awoke. But I simply couldn't—wouldn't—let her go!

I got out of bed quickly, not bothering to put any pants on over my boxers, and made my way to the door as fast as I could. What I found angered me more than it surprised me. There stood Bella, in nothing but my t-shirt, at my front door with my parents.

"Esme? Carlisle?" I asked while trying to rub the sleep from my eyes, hoping that maybe, just maybe, this was a bad dream.

"Edward?" they asked, shocked by my appearance.

I had not seen my parents in almost 4 years. I was sure they were as taken aback by my appearance as I was by theirs.

In place of my long, straight locks and clean-shaven face from way back when was a much shorter haircut and a shit ton of scruff.

They looked aged as well. My mother's laugh lines stood out more on her almost wrinkle free face, and I could see the flecks of gray that blended almost flawlessly in my father's blonde hair. We had aged. We had drifted apart so far that neither of us recognized one another.

"Can you meet Bella and me at Orlin? It's a little café on St Mark's and 2nd avenue. We'll be there in 15 minutes."

My poor girlfriend was still standing at the door. I could tell she was trying to mask her terror, but I could read it plainly on her face. Bella was mortified to meet my parents that way, and I couldn't blame her.

"Of course, son, we will see you there," my father said as he took my mother's hand in his and proceeded down the hall. I could see the relief wash over Bella's face immediately, as I closed the door for her.

"Ugh," she said as she smacked her palm against her forehead. "They must think I'm some kind of whore."

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her, happy that my earlier assumptions were incorrect. Last night, when she had told me that she loved me, I'd frozen. That wasn't the first time this had happened, and I'd immediately shut down. In every situation before her, I'd shake my head 'no,' apologize, and then get shit thrown at me. But not with Bella.

Her face was pained when she moved to grab her things to leave. I snapped out of it as soon as her hand touched the doorknob. I didn't know what the fuck love was, and I wasn't about to spew some 'I love you' bullshit back to her. I cared about her more than I cared about anyone before her, and I told her that, because I could afford her that much.

"Let's get dressed and go to breakfast. They will love you," I assured her as I placed a kiss atop her head.

"Yeah, yeah," was all she said as she wiggled free from my grasp and made her way to my bedroom to get ready.

--

We walked to Orlin in silence, our hands locked together as we smiled at one another nervously. I could feel the slight trembling of her nerves as her hands shook slightly. I was just as anxious as she was, but I'd become a professional at hiding my feelings. I needed to be calm for her.

As we approached the restaurant, we spotted my parents sitting under the outdoor canopy, and we entered it through the small gate.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is my girlfriend, Bella," I introduced her as I took my seat.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, darling." My mother greeted Bella with a hug, which shocked the shit out of the both of us. My father smiled in agreement and shook Bella's hand lightly. We sat in silence, looking over our menus before the waitress sauntered up to the table.

"Hi, my name is Jenna, and I'll be your server today. Do you know what you'd like, or do you need a couple more minutes to decide?" She asked as she licked her lips in my direction, which did not go unnoticed by Bella.

"I'll have the breakfast special, and he will as well," Bella said as she rested her hand on my thigh. She was fucking marking her territory, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

After all of our orders were taken, I felt it was finally time to stop with the awkward bullshit. I wanted answers.

"You guys never gave a shit about me," I said with a sigh.

My parents looked stunned by my words. My mother's face was pained, and my father just looked really pissed off.

"Watch your mouth, Edward. Your mother and I care deeply about you. It was your choice to leave and come to New York. You never returned our calls or made an effort to see us," Carlisle said angrily as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You said I wasn't your son! Don't act like I don't know what went on between the two of you. There is a huge fucking chance that I'm not your son!" I growled in a low tone, making sure that our conversation stayed private.

"Edward Anthony!" my mother scolded.

The food arrived shortly after, effectively ending our conversation and left us eating in mostly awkward silence save for a few questions directed at Bella. Bella was a champ and remained courteous and amiable through it all. I wasn't sure if my parents were genuinely interested in Bella, but I was grateful to them for at least pretending.

After breakfast was paid for, I invited my parents over to my place out of obligation. If I was going to heal myself, then I needed to start where it all began. Bella excused herself after breakfast, stating that she had some things to get ready at her apartment for her parents' arrival. Thanksgiving was next week, which had us all on edge. Families weren't happy wonderful things to Bella and me, but this year, we were making an effort.

I sat in my writing chair when we entered the apartment; I needed the connection to Bella to help me through this.

"Edward, I have said things that I am not proud of. I am your father; I don't need some DNA test to prove it. I love you very much, and I regret that my actions in the past have not shown you that. From now on, we will be a family. I promise to be a good father to you. I know it may be too late, but I will put all of my effort into this. I am so very proud that you're happy, that your music career has been successful, and Bella is a wonderful girl. I promise from here on out to be nothing but supportive, son." Carlisle looked into my eyes during his entire speech, and his tone was unwavering. He said all this with absolute certainty.

I wanted to brood some more and even argue, but his soliloquy left me at a loss. I was at a loss for words to speak back, but he did leave me with much to think about.

I could forgive him, try to move on and be a real family with Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and Emmett, or I could tell him to go fuck himself, and be alone once again.

No, I didn't want to choose the latter. I was tired of being an asshole. I suppose the old adage was true, you get what you give. I needed to start giving more.

"I'll try to call more often," I responded with as much of a smile as I could muster. My mother was beaming with pride that her boys had worked out their differences.

--

The rest of the afternoon with my parents went better than I had expected. The past would never be forgotten, but I had a feeling that we could move forward and learn from our mistakes. Who knew? Edward fucking Cullen was growing up.

"Open the fucking door, Eddie! These drums are heavy as shit!" I heard Emmett yell at my front door. I opened it for him immediately.

Jasper and I decided to ask Emmett to drum for us at our rehearsals to get a better feel of the songs. At least that's what we told him. In actuality, we were secretly auditioning him for a permanent place in our would-be band. Jasper strolled in after Emmett with his bass in hand, a smirk upon his face. He was excited to jam with Emmett.

"You're drumming like a boner, Emmett. Put some damn feeling into it," I growled at him after he once again threw Jasper and I off. His tempo was god-awful, and despite his muscular body, he was barely hitting the drums.

"Like this?" he asked before he began to pound on the drums, his tempo flawless. Emmett had managed to turn the tables on Jasper and me. Who knew that my brother was a fucking genius drummer? "Can't bullshit the king of bullshitters, Eddie and Jazzy."

Jasper and I both rolled our eyes in his direction. "I'm tired of playing. Let's go down to the bar and have some celebratory drinks," Jasper suggested, and we all nodded in agreement.

--

We walked into the bar and took seats at the counter. As usual, Kate was behind the bar with James. He and I were never going to be friends, but Bella drilled it into me that we had to be at least civil with one another. And what my girl wants, my girl gets.

"Katie, I need a round of Blue Moon for my brothers," I ordered with a smile as I slid her a 10-dollar bill. I noticed Emmett and Jasper smirk at the fact that I referred to them both as my brother, because let's face it, Jasper was my fucking brother, too.

"Here's to the Cullen family band!" Emmett said as he raised his beer to us before taking a swig.

"We are not calling ourselves that," I replied, shaking my head.

"I'm not a Cullen, Emmett," Jasper said with a laugh.

"Oh you totally are, Mr. Alice Cullen," Emmett commented.

We were interrupted before Jasper had a chance to respond.

"Edward, Emmett?" We turned our heads to acknowledge the person.

"Ben?" I asked curiously.

"The one and only," he responded with a smirk.

"Benny boy!" Emmett exclaimed as he pulled Ben into a hug.

"Jasper, I don't think you've met our cousin, Ben. Ben, this is Alice's boyfriend, Jasper," I introduced the two once Emmett had released Ben.

"What brings you here, man?" I asked Ben as he took a seat beside me.

"My girlfriend, Angela, works here," he answered.

"Angela is my girlfriend, Bella's, roommate, actually," I commented. I couldn't help but smile at the mention of her. I was totally whipped.

"She's fucking hot, dude," Ben said as Emmett and Jasper nodded in agreement. "I heard you and Jasper started a band. Wasn't there a guy here to check you out?"

"Actually, we just added Emmett to the line up on drums. If we do get signed, we wouldn't want some random rotating band members filling in to play songs that require a full band," Jasper responded.

"If you guys need a lead guitarist, let me know. The band I was with before just split up."

Jasper and I looked at each other—the same thing running through our minds, I was sure

"Well, let's go back to my place. We can play some stuff and see if this works out," I offered as I slid some singles towards Kate for a tip.

The four of us immediately clicked when we began to play our instruments. It just felt right. And in the blink of an eye, Emmett, Jasper, Ben, and I became a band.

* * *

_I promise to try and finish 17 as soon as possible. Your reviews are incredible and floor me every time, leave some more cause I could use the push! _


	16. Four Kicks

My betas **MadelineJade **and **Twilight-is-lovee** are incredible and turn out my chapters faster than i can write them lately.

I admit I might have cried while writing his chapter, also there is a **lemon **in this chapter and you can skip it if you'd like.

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer.**

**Songs In This Chapter Belong To Kings Of Leon. **

* * *

**BPOV**

I watched proudly as Edward strummed on his guitar, his head moving along with the rhythm of the music. His sound had changed, greatly in part to the fact that he was in a band now. His songs seemed a bit rougher, but everyone had embraced the new sound. Edward pressed his lips close to the microphone as he began to sing.

**Huffman don't take no nonsense,**

**He's here to rectify**

**He's got his black belt buckle,**

**And the red man's fire in his eye.**

**You with your switchblade posse,**

**I'll get my guns from the south,**

**We'll take to the yard like a cockfight**

**Four kicks whose strutting now.**

He stepped away from the microphone and began to strum harder on his guitar before returning to it.

**This party is overrated,**

**But there ain't shit else to do,**

**She's a lovin' on the boy from the city**

**I'll be lovin' him under my shoe.**

After he sang the chorus once more, Ben began to play his solo. It didn't last very long, but from what I had heard already, I could tell that Ben was an amazing musician. Edward sang the chorus one last time before the song ended, and applause erupted from the crowd. They all hopped off the stage with smiles on their faces. It was their first show as a full band, and they had done amazingly well.

"That was awesome!" I exclaimed as I threw my arms around Edward. He was sweaty and panting, still.

"Jasper wrote the chorus for that last one." He laughed before pressing his lips to mine.

We pulled apart and smiled at one another before being interrupted by a man who was oddly enough wearing a suit, which wasn't regular attire for someone in Sweet Up's.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen, I'm Austin Marks from Meyer Records," the man said as he reached out his hand to shake Edward's.

"It's a pleasure to meet you again," Edward responded coolly, although I could read in his eyes that he was nervous.

"I'd like to talk to you a moment about your band."

Edward nodded as he grabbed my hand and motioned to an empty corner booth for us to sit in. We all slid into the booth, Edward and I sitting beside each other while Mr. Marks sat across from us.

"We are very intrigued by the progress you have made in the past few weeks, and we'd like to offer you a spot on our label." Edward immediately squeezed my hand and moved slightly closer to me.

"Now, we would like you to come out to California as soon as possible to start recording your album, if you should accept. We would also like you to play shows in that area, gain some attention before embarking on a statewide tour. Depending on how that goes, we'd like to send you overseas as well. Of course, we promise to make this worth your while."

Edward ran his fingers through his hair shakily as he took a deep breath. "I appreciate your offer, but I'd like to discuss this with my band mates before I make any decisions."

Mr. Marks nodded in understanding and slid a business card across the table. "Call me when you've reached a decision," he said as he stood up. We did the same and shook his hand farewell before Edward plopped himself back down into the booth.

"Holy shit," he exclaimed with a wide smile.

"I'm so proud of you," I said as I pressed my lips against his cheek.

I smiled as Emmett, Jasper, and Ben approached, Rose, Angela, and Alice behind them.

"Meyer Records wants to sign us!" Edward shouted at his family. I swear I couldn't tell if it was the boys or girls who were squealing at that point.

"We have to accept," Jasper said. The others were nodding in agreement.

"I know," Edward responded as he raised his beer. "To us," he said as we all brought our drinks in to toast one another.

The night ended quickly after that. The couples wanted to go home and celebrate with one another, which sobered me up quicker than I would've liked. Edward and I had been together for two and a half months, and we had yet to consummate our relationship or do more than over-the-clothes heavy petting. I didn't understand how this beautiful sex god of man refused to have sex. I was pretty sure he was a virgin.

When we finally arrived home, the air was thick with tension. The lack of action in the bedroom was starting to take its toll on our relationship.

"Let's go to bed," Edward said after he locked the front door. I nodded in agreement, as I made my way to our bedroom. I had unofficially moved in with Edward. Ben had been staying in our apartment, and I didn't appreciate knowing what he and Angela did when the sun went down. We only lived about three blocks away from each other, so getting fresh clothes was never an issue. Edward had given me my own key about a week ago, which was a pretty big deal for him. He was finally letting me in, emotionally at least, and the physical part would have to come eventually.

I stood by the bed and began to lift my shirt up before I felt Edward come up behind me, placing his hands on mine to halt my motions.

"I want to undress you today," was all he said before he turned me around. He licked his lips before he leaned down to press them hungrily into mine. It sent a tingle all up and down my spine at the prospect of finally having him inside of me. After we pulled apart, he lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it to the ground beside us. He gently pushed me down onto the bed and knelt before me.

"Sex isn't something I take lightly. We're not going to have sex tonight, but I want to try something new," he said as he reached behind my back to unhook my bra. After he successfully unhooked it, he pulled it off my body and let it fall to the ground, joining my shirt.

"I love you," I said as he leaned forward to kiss my neck. My words froze him, and he pulled back slightly to look into my eyes.

"You're beautiful," he responded before his lips found my neck. He began to nibble and run his tongue in circles around a spot just above my collarbone, which caused me to moan. His hands soon found my bare breasts. I couldn't help but let his name fall from my lips as his hands, still cold from the December air, began to massage my breasts.

He pulled back from my neck and instructed me to lie down in the middle of the bed. I did as I was told, sighing as his hands lost their connection with my body. I was not disappointed for too long, though. He climbed onto the bed with me, his body straddling my legs.

"If you feel uncomfortable with anything I'm doing, then please tell me," he said as he placed a soft kiss on my belly. I responded with a halfhearted nod, watching as he began to unbutton my pants.

"Lift," he instructed. I lifted my hips off the bed and bit my lip as he gently tugged my jeans off my hips, down my legs, and eventually off my body. There I lay in front of Edward Cullen in nothing but my underwear.

"So fucking beautiful," he said as he lay on his side, his body pressed up against mine as he explored my body with his hands. I turned my head to come face to face with him, and our foreheads pressed together as we breathed heavily. Suddenly, I felt his hands trail down my body and stop when his fingertips met the top of my underwear.

I let out a breathy sigh to indicate that I was okay with him continuing. He let his fingertips enter beneath the waistband and continued on, until his hand covered my mound, his fingers beginning to slowly rub my moist lips. Suddenly, his index and ring fingers parted me as his middle finger sought out my opening. I sucked in a deep breath of air as his fingertip entered me.

"So wet," he moaned before he pressed his lips hard against mine, his finger now fully inside of me, slowly pumping me.

"More," I breathed. He added another finger, which caused me to buck in response. Suddenly, I couldn't take not being able to touch him. I began to shakily undo his pants, and his fingers began to pump harder inside of me in response.

Once I successfully pulled down his zipper, I slid my hand down the front of his pants, underneath his boxers.

"Fuck," he hissed as I wrapped my hand around his length. It was incredibly hard but his skin was soft under my touch. I could feel the slight wetness of his pre-cum as I ran my thumb across the head.

"You like that?" I moaned as I began to pump him with my hand, starting at the base and twisting my wrist slightly as I got to the tip. I didn't have much experience with penises, but I could tell that I got lucky with Edward; he had to be at least 8 inches.

"You have no idea," he almost growled as he bucked his hips into my hand.

"Oh, Edward," I yelled as he used his thumb to rub my clit, his fingers still pumping me in rhythm with my strokes on his dick.

"Bella, you feel so good. So fucking tight, I can't wait to be inside of you," he moaned into my neck. His words spurred me on, and I knew I wouldn't last long. My hips began to rise and fall, bucking into his hand.

"So close," I moaned as I began to pump my hand harder.

"Come with me, baby," he said as he began pumping himself into my hand.

"Oh, fuck, Edward!" I screamed as my walls began to spasm around his fingers, my legs beginning to shake from the intensity of my orgasm. A few seconds later, I felt his teeth sink into my neck as he exploded in my hand.

We lay in bed, panting, before we removed our hands from each other. I was internally freaking out that my hand was covered in cum. Yes, I loved Edward, but it was still a little bit gross.

"Here," he said as he sheepishly handed me a towel. I took it and wiped my hand clean, handing it back to him when I finished. I watched in awe as he removed his pants and boxers, using the towel to clean himself. It was the first time that I had seen Edward fully naked, and I couldn't help but lick my lips in response to his beautiful dick. I had always been the type of girl to swear off giving head because it never appealed to me, but seeing Edward sparked something in me. I wouldn't mind having him in my mouth at all. He threw the towel to the ground once he finished cleaning himself.

"I'm going to go take a shower," he said as he made his way to the bathroom.

"Nice ass," I commented with a whistle as he left the room. I heard him chuckle in response.

I could hear the sound of the shower and his singing from my place on the bed.

"You're sex is on fire," he sang. I let out a small laugh as I lay on my side. I must have fallen asleep because the light peeking through the curtains woke me up, shining directly into my face. I groaned and rolled to my other side, jumping slightly when I came face to face with Edward. His eyes were already open and staring into mine.

"Good morning, my beautiful lady," he said before he pressed his lips against mine.

"Mmm," I replied as we pulled apart.

"The guys and I have to meet up with Mr. Marks this morning to accept his offer, but I wanted to talk to you before I left," he said as he sat up. It was then that I realized he was already fully clothed.

"About what?" I asked as I sat up and pulled the blanket around me to cover my exposed chest.

"You heard him say that we have to go to California to record our record. I wanted to ask you to come with me." In all the excitement last night, I had forgotten the part that mentioned Edward would have to move across the country for an indefinite amount of time before embarking on a massive tour.

"Oh, Edward," I whispered. "I want to, but I can't," I responded with a sigh.

"Why not?" his face was pained at my reaction.

"I start school in a few weeks; I can't just tell NYU to go fuck themselves. I have a scholarship; I can't just pick up and go with you," I said, slightly angered that he had forgotten why I'd moved here in the first place. I wanted to stand on my own two feet, and here he was, asking me to give everything up for him.

"Oh, I see. Do you expect me to turn the offer down, then?" he asked, his voice flickered with anger as well.

"Of course not!" I yelled. "This is a great opportunity for you. How could you turn it down?"

"So you don't care that I am moving across the country and won't be able to see you for who knows how long? I thought you fucking loved me!" he yelled in response.

I laughed without any humor before I responded. "I do love you! It's you that doesn't love me," I spat.

"You think I don't love you?" he asked incredulously.

"Do you?" I responded.

"You know that I care—" I cut him off before he had a chance to finish.

"'Isabella, I care deeply about you,' blah, blah, blah. Spare me the bullshit this time, okay? This whole relationship has been one-sided. I get it. It's fine. Just…go to your damn meeting."

"Fine!" he yelled as he stood up. I heard him growl before he pushed the lamp on the nightstand to the ground. The sound of it shattering caused me to jump. And then he was gone, and I was left alone, naked in his bed.

Tears flowed freely down my face as the gravity of what just happened hit me. I was pretty certain that we had just broken up. My heart felt as it were being squeezed by a boa constrictor as I struggled to keep my breathing steady. I could no longer take the feeling that being surrounded by his things was giving me so I got dressed quickly and left his apartment, practically sprinting to my own. Once I reached the familiar brownstone, I threw the gate open and ran up the stairs, proud that I had yet to fall on my face, until my body crashed into someone.

"Bella, what's wrong?" James asked as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"I…I think Edward and I…" I paused trying to catch my breath. "…broke up," I finally said as I began to sob into his chest.

"Fuck him," James said as he rubbed soothing circles on my back. For the second time, my heart was broken, and James was the one to soothe me.

"Thank you James," I said as I pulled away and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"Bella?" Edward's voice came from behind me, a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand. His face fell as he assessed the position James and I were in. His hands were still rested on my back, pressing my body into his.

"It's not what it looks like," I tried to explain as I escaped from James' grasp.

"Save it," Edward said before he threw the flowers to the ground. "I accepted the offer; I leave next week. I thought I'd tell you since you seemed to care so much about it, but I guess not so much," he said as he turned and began walking away.

I sat on the steps of my stoop and watched as he walked out of my life. My breathing was erratic while my eyes were dry, no longer able to produce tears.

"Bella, it's freezing out here. Come inside," James offered as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I just need a minute," I answered, my voice hoarse.

"If you're not inside in five minutes, I'm calling Rosalie," he said as I heard the front door close, indicating that I was alone.

Little did he know that I was going to call her myself. The phone barely rang before she answered. "Hey, Bells," she said cheerfully.

"Rose, I need you," I sniffled into the phone, feeling the tears once again in my eyes.

"Fuck. I'll be there in fifteen minutes," she said before she ended the call.

As I put my phone away, I noticed the bouquet of flowers sitting at the bottom of the steps. I made my way down and picked them up gingerly. I couldn't help but notice the small card nestled between the baby's breath. The big, bright, red letters read, "I'm sorry."

* * *

_Epic heartfail, sorry guys. I have been told that chapters 17 and 18 should come with a free bottle of prozac. I have the next few days off and plan on trying to finish the story, I'll let you guys decide if you'd like a sequel which would mean lots of reviews to help motivate me! Also this story has been Favorited by 66 people and Alerted by 94 but I only manage to get about 7ish reviews per chapter, LETS CHANGE THIS! :)_


	17. Cold Desert

My betas **MadelineJade** and **Twilight-is-lovee** are incredible, this story wouldn't be the same without them.

**JennaBriggs** joined Fanfiction just to read my story and we spent the day together and without even realizing it until we got to Bloomingdales, I took her on an almost completely Lamb On The Lamb tour of the city. Totally bought the dress Bella wears to brunch and some studded shoes too. Oh and don't worry we made sure to try on tons of ray bans but luckily Tanya didn't show up. Angela also didn't ring me up unfortunately.

Also I'd like to give a shout out to **TeamMidnightSun**, **taciturnstream**, **nermalasu, aprilrain429, miismyers, purple1983** and everyone else I may have forgotten that has been with me from the start, I heart you all. Also to my new reviewers, you motivate me more than yah know.

**All Songs For This Chapter Are By Kings Of Leon **(California Waiting, Cold Desert)

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**EPOV**

I let out a small breath of air as I inhaled. I was the picture perfect, stereotypical, heartbroken rock star: guitar in my lap, notebook and pen sprawled across the floor, with Jack to my right and a joint in my left hand. I was numb to the point where I could say her name without crying like a girl or throwing myself the fucking Lollapoloozas of pity parties. Pity fucking festivals. All because of her.

There wasn't anything to even say to explain what I saw. Even if it was "nothing" as she said, it didn't fucking matter. He had his dirty paws on my girl again, and she wasn't cringing or pushing him away. She was pulling him closer, thanking him, and kissing him. I was supposed to be the one fixing her when she felt broken, not James.

"Edward, I know you're in there, and I won't hesitate to break this damn door so I can kick your fucking ass." I heard Rosalie's voice blaring from the hallway.

I didn't bother to even try to get up to answer the door. I wasn't moving until I had to. I sighed before taking another pull from my joint and another from dear ole' Jack. Within the past 3 hours, I had managed to get a visit from all of my family members, including my new band members, all to defend Bella.

"Bella," I breathed in agony.

There was only one thing I could do to prevent returning to my former self. I could wake up in the morning, play music with the band, and survive. There were so many words to explain how I felt for Bella, but all she wanted was one word, 4 letters, and I couldn't say it. The words would get stuck in my throat, and I couldn't even form it in my head either.

One more week in this city and I would be gone across the country with all that I had left, myself and my guitar. Once the Jack Daniels and weed had run out, I decided it was time to welcome the nightmares I knew would follow without her warm embrace, the nightmares where I lived my entire life alone to die alone as well. I guess that was once again my reality, since I didn't have her anymore. There would be no one else for me; my heart would forever long for her.

"Edward," I heard her voice whisper as I felt my eyelids being pried open. I groaned in frustration and swatted her away.

"Mom?" I asked as I groggily opened my eyes, the world coming into better view with time.

"Honey, I heard what happened with Bella. I wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I know how deeply you cared for her, and I know this must be hard on the both of you," Esme said as she ran her fingers through my hair.

Once again, I found myself bawling again like a 5 year old. Only this time, it was worse because my mommy was here to comfort me. She didn't say much, just wrapped her arms around me soothingly. No lectures. No judgments. I was grateful for her for the first time in a long time. My mother left shortly after, at my request. Once she was gone, I pulled the covers over my head. I did not resurface.

--

It had been a week since I had been in her presence, although I dreamt of her every night. My cell phone had been left off the charger and died due to the incessant text messages and phone calls from my family. I hadn't touched my guitar, although my right hand was throbbing from the amount of writing I'd done, the new album was practically written.

As much as I would've liked to stay in my solitude, the world had other plans for me. Tonight was our farewell show at Sweet Ups. In the morning, we'd all be taking a flight to California, everyone except Bella. I hated to think of her alone for the holidays. Christmas was only four days away, and no one was going to be around.

Somehow, I had managed to sleep through the entire day, barely having enough time to get ready and make it to the bar in time. Once I arrived, it was hard not to search for her in the sea of familiar faces. She was nowhere to be seen, but I could not figure out if I should've felt relieved or disappointed. The guys were already on stage and motioning for me to join them. I guess I had missed sound check, as well.

I made my way up to the stage and pulled my guitar on with a sigh. Although I couldn't see her, I hoped she was here tonight. The words we left unspoken had been turned into lyrics, and although I felt like I was betraying her by putting everything I felt out there, I couldn't help but feel like she had betrayed me anyway.

"We wanted to thank you for always supporting us, especially me. When our record goes platinum, I promise to buy you all a round," I said through the microphone, "These songs I wrote tonight are important. They're about a girl." I paused and chuckled as the crowd erupted into hoots and hollers. "Things may have come to an end, but I wanted to say that I may be a miserable, dickhead, bastard who's a huge coward, but I could have loved her. This is for you, Bella."

I began to strum on my guitar, already amazed at how we all sounded when we played together.

**Little Mona Lisa laying by my side**

**"Crimson and Clover" pullin' overtime**

**I feel too close to be losin' touch**

**By givin' in, what am I givin' up**

**Am I losin' way too much**

I couldn't help but once again search for her as I sang, but she was nowhere to be found. It seemed meaningless to sing to a crowd of people who didn't understand.

**Hey**

**California waiting**

**Every little thing's gotta be just right**

**Say**

**While you're tryin' to save me**

**Can't I get back my lonely life**

**I'm goin' so fast that I can't slow down**

**It's hard to get up when you're spinnin' round and round**

**I'd tell you the news but nothin's changed**

**I'd sing you a song but they blew it away**

**All wrapped up in this stupid ass game**

I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in feeling, trying my best to let go all my agony of the last week in my words.

**Hey**

**California waiting**

**Every little thing's gotta be just right**

**Say**

**While you're tryin' to save me**

**Can't I get back my lonely life**

**Can't I get back my lonely life**

I stepped back from the microphone unable to help the smile that was upon my lips. Romantically, my life was shit, but musically, I had never felt better. My family had gone above and beyond for me, and I would forever be in debt to them.

We went right into the next song before the last one could fully fade out. It was the song I had played for Bella the last night we had together. I let the images of her writhing under me flood my mind as I sang, my voice cracking, threatening to give out with every word. I had to remind myself that being apart was best for us. I had been a fool to think I could really change, and ending things before they really began was for the better.

"I'm gonna take a seat for this last one," I announced as I took a sip from my water bottle.

Ben began to strum the notes, followed by Emmett, and myself joining in. Once Jasper began to play, I took a deep breath and leaned into the microphone.

**I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on**

**That's when I know that you're alone**

**It's cold in the desert water never sees the ground**

**Special unspoken without a sound**

I once again searched the crowd for her, almost giving up, until I caught a familiar pair of brown eyes looking up into mine from the bar. I felt the feeling that I had let overtake me those past seven days resurface. My heart felt like it was being hollowed out by a brick somehow, my lungs struggling to provide enough air, because, as cheesy as it sounded, she took my breath away. I made sure to keep eye contact as I started the next verse.

**Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone**

**Hand over your heart let's go home**

**Everyone noticed everyone has seen the signs**

**I've always been known to cross lines**

I almost laughed at the irony of the words I knew were coming, while I blinked back tears. I felt then as if maybe all my "could have's" had turned into "I do's" without my realizing.

**I never ever cried when I was feeling down**

**I've always been scared of the sound**

**Jesus don't love me no-one ever carried my load**

**I'm too young to feel this old**

Ben's solo started, and I watched painfully as she stood up and headed for the door. The finality of it was numbing. The music came to a stop before it faded back, my words coming out in an almost soft yell as I sang to her retreating form. Then she was gone, and so was my heart.

**Here's to you**

**Here's to me**

**On to us**

**Nobody knows**

**Nobody sees**

**Nobody but me**

* * *

_I officially decided on doing a Sequel for you guys but fear not there are at least 5 more chapters left to this story! Also how amazing are the pictures of Robsten at KOL, totally had me jumping up and down in Soho with Jenna. I promise to update at least every 3 to 4 days depending on my work schedule._

_If any of you happen to live in NYC JennaBriggs and I are going to see Twilight in Central Park on Friday night, let me know if you're going cause I'd love to meet you all!_


	18. Be Somebody

I have been horrible and fell way behind with updating, real life got in the way but I promise to try and keep with my every 3 day rule. There are only a few chapters left + an epilogue then the Sequel will start! I just came back from seeing Twilight in Central Park, it was lovely.

**MadelineJade **and **Twilight-is-lovee ** are amazingly supportive and I wish I could get them beers from Sweet Up's and free coffee from The Daily Grind for life.

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer and All Songs Belong To Kings Of Leon.**

* * *

**BPOV**

I sighed in relief as the freezing air hit me. I had promised to let myself catch one last glimpse of him, but his dedication and words pinned me down to my seat. Thankfully, there had been people blocking his view of me for almost the entire set until the end of his last song. Our eyes caught one another's, and I could see the same agony that was in my own eyes reflected in his, but our pain couldn't be fixed. We wanted different things. We were two entirely different people, and things were never meant to work. We were doomed from the start.

I sent a text message to Alice, Angela, and Rosalie, wishing them the best on their trip to California, where they all planned to stay until the album was recorded. I had spent the last week in the comfort of my bed, because around their happiness was unbearable. Jacob was the only one I let in. He'd hold me every night while I sobbed incoherently about how much I hated him for treating me like shit and breaking me down until I couldn't stand on my own two feet, which made me need Edward more than I should have. In my heart, I knew it was never Jake's fault, either. I was in control of my own life and made poor decisions. It was my fault all along.

"Come on,babe, I'll make you some soup," Jake offered as he pushed himself off the brick wall beside me, grabbing my hand as we began our walk to the train.

Jacob had been a horrible boyfriend, but as my friend, he was everything I needed. He knew me inside and out like no one else, and he could soothe me in a way Rosalie couldn't, because he still felt like home to me. Soft, warm, and comforting. There was no doubt in my mind that a relationship between us was out of the question. Unwillingly, I had fallen so deeply for Edward that I would never be the same. He had changed me so completely.

I awoke the next morning with a sigh of relief. Edward was gone, probably on a plane somewhere over the Midwest. The majority of my things were still at his apartment, because the truth was, we had moved in together without acknowledging it. Ever since that first night I had asked him to stay, we had never spent a night apart. I had been selfish to replace Edward so easily, so irresponsibly, by letting Jacob back into my bed, but I couldn't be alone. There hadn't been inappropriate intimacy. Just a friend comforting another.

The keys to Edward's apartment weighed heavily in my hands as I climbed up the stairs. I had decided to come here alone. It seemed too much of a betrayal to allow another man into Edward's home. As soon as I opened the door, I was assaulted with his smell, and the hollow feeling I had perfected over the last week had shattered. My heart burned, and the pressure in my chest got more and more unbearable with every step I took towards his room. His room. Because it wasn't ours anymore.

The sight of his bed, all warm, comforting, and inviting lured me in. Before I realized what I was doing, I found myself fully clothed under the covers of his bed, my lungs greedily sucking up the scent that his pillows offered me. I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, I could see the light of the moon filtering into the room. I blindly reached for my phone, blinking as the bright screen assaulted my eyes.

10 text messages.

I had received one from all the girls to let me know they had completed their trip safely and wished me a Merry Christmas. I had told them I was going back home to visit my dad, but my real plans were to stay at home and watch A Christmas Story until I could finish the actors' lines for them. I also received a few text messages from Jake. He was obviously worried about where I had taken off. I decided to respond only to his message. The others would have to wait for a time when I felt more like myself.

"I'm safe. I won't be around for a few days but feel free to stay at my place," I sent him.

I hit send and sighed when I noticed the time. It was officially Christmas Eve. The next few days passed in a blur. I had yet to leave Edward's apartment. It was so easy to pretend that we had never ended things, that I was staying here to keep his apartment warm until he returned to me. Once the food had run out, I decided it was time to resurface. School would begin in another week, and I needed to get it together. January held promises of a fresh start that I gladly welcomed. I spent New Year's Eve in my apartment, alone. I had to get used to the fact that from now on, I'd be mostly alone. Jacob had finally found his own apartment and was spending his time getting to know new people, while Rosalie, Angela, and Alice were busy with their men, living out a life that I almost had.

I had quit my job at The Daily Grind. The memories of Edward were too much to bear when I was there. My grandmother had left me a trust fund that allowed me to live comfortably for the rest of my life, although I knew I would get another job soon, simply to keep myself as busy as possible.

"Isabella Swan." The sound of my name broke me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, sir?" I asked Professor Laurent, my French instructor.

He let out a chuckle. "Class has been over for at least five minutes, yet here you sit. Is something troubling you?" he asked as he packed his things away in his briefcase.

"No. I just got lost in my own thoughts. I apologize." I slid out of my seat and tossed my book bag on my back. "It won't happen again."

The first week of school had passed faster than I would have thought. I was now in my second week and getting much better at finding my way across the campus. New York University's campus was all of New York City. We even had our own trolleys to get us to our classes. I had gotten lost more times than I could count, opening my phone to dial Rosalie before I realized where she was and who she was with. I had become an expert in avoiding thoughts of him, not allowing myself to even think his name or visualize him.

I threw my book bag down onto the love seat before I flopped down next to it, reaching for the remote to turn on the television. The vibrating of my phone interrupted me. I glanced at the screen and was unsure if I should answer it, as it was an unfamiliar number flashing on the screen. With a heavy sigh, I flipped the phone open.

"Hello," I answered.

"Is this Isabella Swan?" a man asked. The voice sounded somewhat familiar, but I couldn't place it.

"Yes. May I ask who's speaking?" I responded, a little irritated that I didn't know who this person was.

"Oh, yes! Sorry, this is Austin Marks from Meyer Records. I believe we met before at one of Mr. Cullen's performances," he explained in a hurried manner.

My heart ached from hearing even his name mentioned, and I tried my best to ignore it.

"And you're calling because…?" I said rudely. The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of him again.

"I'm calling to offer you a position. You'd be opening for Only by the Night on their upcoming U.S. tour and possibly on their European tour as well."

My breath caught at his words, the phone almost slipping out of my hand as I tried to contemplate my decision.

"Ms. Swan?" he asked after I had been silent for some time.

"I'm sorry. I was just caught off guard," I responded hurriedly.

"You can give me a call back if you'd like some time to think things over," he offered in an understanding tone.

"No, no. That's not necessary, I know my answer."

"And that is?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and contemplated my decision once more before I answered, the words flowing out of me easier than I would have expected.

* * *

_JennaBriggs and I are going apartment hunting this weekend, wish us luck! Reviews are also as always highly recommended! These last few chapters may come a bit slower than I would like because they are extremely hard for me to write but I promise to try my best to get them done because all of you lovely people deserve a fast updating author. _


	19. On Call

**MadelineJade and Twilight-is-lovee = my sanity**

Since I am in such a good mood I decided you guys deserved Chapter 19 to be put out faster, I have the next 3 days off and expect to finish the story. So thanks for your reviews and well wishes, we put a deposit down on an apartment that is off the L and a few train stops from Sweet Ups! Also to clear up any confusion, Edward's band is named **Only By The Night** which will be the title to the sequel!

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer and All Songs Belong To Kings Of Leon.**

* * *

**EPOV**

"I'll be the one to show you the way; you'll be the one to always complain," I sang while I listened carefully for my cues through the headphones. I had been singing with my eyes closed but stopped abruptly once I had opened them. Emmett had his ass pressed up against the glass of the sound booth. I growled as I grab the headphones off and threw them at the glass, grumbling as I exited the booth.

"What the fuck, Emmett! This isn't play time. I can't sing with you fucking around all the time!" I yelled, with my fists clenched at my side. Emmett was fun at times, but he never understood that there was a time and place for his lewd behavior.

"Aw, Eddiepuss, stop being such a diva all the time. It's not my fault Bella left you," he said in a singsong voice.

Barely a second passed before I lunged at him. I was so pissed that this time it took Jasper, Ben, and our producer, Eric, to pull us apart.

"You guys are never going to get an album recorded if you keep this up," Eric chastised.

I let out an aggravated sigh as I grabbed a beer out of the makeshift garbage can cooler and exited the room. I climbed up the stairs and threw the door to the roof open; it had become my special place the past few weeks. I already had a spare notebook and guitar set up for times like these. I plopped myself down on the plastic chair while taking a deep breath of the cool California air, the stars were barely visible due to the light pollution from all the buildings, but it didn't bother me; it reminded me of home.

Adjusting to life here hadn't been easy. The record label bought us an apartment to share while we were here, which was a living hell. I went from living life completely alone to having to share everything with six people, since the guys had brought their girlfriends with them. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe I'd be less bitter if I had Bella with me.

"Hey, man, are you okay?" Ben asked as he pulled up a chair and sat beside me.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

"Why don't you call her?" he suggested while he sipped his beer.

"Because things are so fucked up at this point that I don't know what to say. I know she would never cheat on me, but I still feel betrayed. When I told her about leaving, she just shot me down point blank. If she loved me, she would have come with us. Fuck, she could've just stayed for the holidays." Everyone had been tense around me since the breakup, making sure not to mention her name around me, which had me texting Garrett to check up on her like some fucking school girl. She had been playing regularly with James and appeared to be just fine without me.

"I know she misses you."

I snorted at his comment. "You act like I don't know she's off playing house with Jacob."

"It's not what you think," he tried to explain.

"Save it. She can do whatever she wants. I don't care anymore." I had become so good at telling this lie that I started to believe it myself.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you, but I don't think it's fair for you to be kept in the dark. Bella is coming. The label apparently took your earlier suggestion about her seriously and has offered her the opening spot for us. No one wanted to tell you."

"Ah," was the only response I could manage.

"I'll let you have some alone time, but you should come back soon. Eric wants that track finished tonight and your vocals are all that's left."

Before things had gone sour, I had approached Mr. Marks about Bella and suggested she tour with us. I was hoping this would be a way to help her get ahead with her music and a way for us to be together as well. I had forgotten all about it until now. Apparently, our non-existent relationship didn't matter, but I couldn't be upset. She deserved the opportunity. That's when I realized that she was coming, and it wasn't for me. She could move across the country on her own, but she wouldn't do it with me, for me.

Rosalie and Alice had approached me, asking me why I never told Bella that I loved her, although it was apparent in my actions. The truth was that I didn't even know if love was what I felt because my definition was slightly different. To me, love was always pain, hurt, betrayal, and most of all, abandonment. My parents loved each other, which resulted in my mom being unfaithful. Add that to the slew of situations I had been in throughout my life.

I didn't want to love Bella; it meant that I would inevitably hurt her, but the blindness of "love" would allow her to forgive me, always. I didn't want that. I never wanted her to be vulnerable and weak because I could use those words with her. They meant everything to her, but absolutely nothing for me. I cared for her and that meant a whole hell of a lot more then love. It meant that I would be there for her to guide and protect her, be there when she needed me, as well as be a silent supporter when she wanted to stand on her own.

I guess it no longer mattered.

I picked up my guitar and began to strum one of the songs we had recorded the night before.

**She said call me now baby, and I'd come a running.**

**I'm on call, to be there.**

**One and all, to be there.**

**And when I fall, to pieces.**

**Lord, you know, I'll be there waiting.**

**I'm on call, to be there.**

I mumbled bits and piece of the song as I played the notes. It had been painful to write this album, but fuck did it help me get her out of my system. It had nearly been a month since we had come to California. I was at the point where I could get out of bed without a fight and not weep like a fucking baby whenever I saw the color brown. Unfortunately, my numbness would not return. I felt every wound inflicted by her.

Somehow, I had managed to make my way back downstairs to finish recording, relieved that Eric had sent everyone home. It was barely midnight when I exited the studio, and the last thing I wanted to do was go home to spend my time with three couples. I decided on changing my clothes and heading out to a bar, maybe I'd even bring my guitar along. The walk to the apartment was refreshing; it helped clear my mind.

I was approaching the building when I noticed a woman struggling with her suitcase. Her long chestnut hair reminded me of Bella. I walked up to her and cleared my throat to make my presence known. I didn't want her to think I was a mugger.

"I'll help you with that," I offered while I grabbed the suitcases handle. And that's when I realized who it was.

"Thanks," she said as she turned to face me.

"It's you," I stated, disbelieving that Bella was right in front of me. The ever present urge to touch her returned immediately, but I fought it off.

"Hi," she said, forcing a smile.

We just stood there staring at each other for an immeasurable moment. I didn't know what to say anyway. So much had happened and yet it felt as if no time had passed at all. That is until I heard his voice.

"Bella, I told you to wait for us!" Jake chastised as he and James approached us. I took my hand off the handle of her suitcase and shoved it in my pocket. She was here with probably the two guys I hated most in this world. It figured. She really knew how to press my buttons.

Screw it. Let her have her other men.

"Ah, I see you're already taken care of," I said as my shoulders hunched forward a bit and I turned to leave.

"Yup," she said, popping the 'p'.

I decided to take the stairs to avoid an awkward elevator ride. I threw the apartment door open and was relieved to see my family sitting in the living room, just watching TV together.

"Guys, we need to get back to the studio," I said hurriedly as I grabbed my notebook off the coffee table and began writing as I paced in front of them.

"Whoa, slow down. Why?" Jasper asked as he shot Alice a concerned look.

"I have this song, and I want to get it recorded before I lose it," I explained hurriedly as I tried to write the lyrics out. At least through the despair I could still create.

"Dude, it's like twelve. Can't it wait?" Emmett asked.

"Please," I said adamantly as I made eye contact with all three guys. My pleading seemed to do the trick because they apologized to the girls and began to follow me out the door.

We ended up recording three songs that night, every one of them about how she owned my heart completely.

* * *

_Edward was desperate to get away from her so he could work on trying to get closer to her, he's starting to come around...slowly. Reviews are like air, I need them to survive!_


	20. True Love Way

Real life has kicked my ass this week and I have not been able to write anything at all but I wanted to get this out to you with a promise to try and get the next chapter out within a week. **JennaBriggs **and I got an apartment are moving in September 15th so I will be stressed and crazy busy for a while but i havent forgotten about you all!

**MadelineJade and Twilight-is-lovee are my rocks.**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer and All Songs Belong To Kings Of Leon(who I will be seeing september 12th!)**

* * *

I sighed uncomfortably as I watched Edward up on stage as I stood with my girlfriends. The swarm of girls around us were screaming his name and offering their wombs to him.

It had been two weeks since I had arrived in California, and I couldn't help but almost regret the decision every time I saw his face. Their CD was finally recorded, and the round of small California shows had begun. Unfortunately, I could not play until the official statewide tour started.

That left me a lot of downtime that I spent writing and rehearsing. James and Jake were in the picture but not the way Edward had construed. We were friends only, and barely even that. They didn't even join us at this performance.

"This next song is for the most beautiful girl I have ever come across," he said breathily into the microphone, which caused the girls around me to squeal.

"Shut the fuck up," Rosalie sneered at them. They glared at us, but backed down once they realized that Angela and Alice were part of our group as well. "Like he's singing about them or something," Rose added under her breath but loud enough for us to hear.

Edward locked eyes with me as the band begun to play. I tried to avoid his stare, but once he began to sing, I couldn't help but watch him closely. His songs always revealed his deepest feelings.

**I want in, like a substitute**

**I've been working awful hard for you**

**But you don't say, you just hold your breath**

**So I can't touch what I haven't yet**

**She's a poor one and it hurts me so**

**And it's a dark path and a heck of a cold**

**And she can feel me like she did before**

His words stung at the memories they had evoked. For the last two weeks, he had been everywhere I turned, trying to apologize for the things that went wrong, but his explanations of "I care about you" only salted my wounds. "Care" was not the same as "love," and I was sick of hearing it.

**Oh, we'd be so free**

**Happy alone**

**Sharing a smile**

**So far from home**

**Push in, and I pull it away**

**It's a hard part, but the true love way**

**Girl, you're wanted like a wanted man**

**With your smart mouth and your killer hands**

**We could both share all that I have made**

**For a young man it's a heck of a wage**

**And I feel crazy when I see your face**

I looked at him, puzzled at his mention of "true love," but shook it off as lyrics used for the sake of making the song better.

**Cause we'd be so free**

**Happy alone**

**Sharing a smile**

**So far from home**

**And we would laugh**

**Laugh 'til we cry**

**Making a song**

**Making me lie**

The applause was astounding as the song venue they had us in was easily able to accommodate a few hundred people, and we were barely able to move from our spots in the front row. We had decided on watching the show from the floor rather than the stage. We wanted to get the full experience of the band while we still could. It was already apparent how successful Only by the Night would become, and to be honest, it scared the shit out of all of us.

"I am not a perfect person," Edward said into the microphone.

"Yes, you are!" a girl yelled from the crowd.

"Well, thank you," Edward said with a smirk, "but the truth is, I have been less than perfect to the people who love me, and I know they deserve more, which is what they can expect from here on out. This is for my family, my friends, and especially for the girl that has my heart. This one is called Revelry."

**What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine**

**With the fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene**

**I get lost in the light so high don't wanna come down**

**To face the loss of the good thing that I have found**

I could see the pain in his face as he said the last line. It sort of drove it home that Edward really did feel more for me than anyone else in his life, and that the loss of me had really affected him. At least that was what I surmised.

**In the dark of the night, I can hear you calling my name**

**With the hardest of hearts, I still feel full of pain**

**So I drink, and I smoke, and I ask you if you're ever around**

**Even though it was me who drove us right in the ground**

**See the time we shared it was precious to me**

**But all the while I was dreaming of revelry**

I held back tears at his words. Until now, I had never noticed how at war he was with himself over four stupid letters that I thought somehow validated everything.

**Gonna run, baby, run like a stream down a mountainside**

**With the wind at my back, I won't ever even bat an eye**

**Just know it was you all along who had a hold of my heart**

**But the demon and me was the best of friends from the start**

He pointed at me as he mentioned who had his heart. I glanced around to come face to face with a crowd of teenage girls giving me looks that could kill. I couldn't help but feel a surge of pride though that he had singled me out for all to see. Practically a declaration. It seemed like a huge step for Edward. Even I could recognize that.

**So the time we shared it was precious to me**

**All the while I was dreaming of revelry**

**Dreaming of revelry**

**And I told myself for the way you go, it rained so hard it felt like snow**

**Everything came tumbling down on me**

**In the back of the woods in the dark of the night**

**Palest of the old moonlight**

**Everything just felt so incomplete**

**Dreaming of revelry**

**Dreaming of revelry**

**Dreaming of revelry**

**Dreaming of revelry**

It was such a beautiful song. It seemed like he had written and sung it for me. Even if he hadn't, that was the way I perceived it, and so I smiled up at him as the song ended. He caught my gaze momentarily, and Edward returned my smile with a small knowing one of his own. It was like we were sharing a secret. Although things with us weren't resolved completely, I felt at peace. Maybe if Edward and I could work on our communication, then there could be hope for us.

"Thanks for joining us tonight!" Ben said into his microphone as the guys all walked off stage. The girls and I pushed our way out of the crowd, making sure to push a little harder than necessary to get past the "little girls" as we referred to the screaming fans of the female persuasion. We made it outside in one piece and took a deep breath—almost in unison—of the cool night air. It felt so good to get out of that hot, enclosed venue.

"Those bitches were insane!" Rosalie said while shaking her rest of us just laughed. It was cool that the guys had such a faithful and enthusiastic following, but the little girls in the audience could be rabid.

"We're going to have to watch them from the side of the stage now," Alice decided and we all nodded in agreement. "Oh! I wonder if our pictures will end up on Perez Hilton?" Alice was jumping up and down at the thought of being on a gossip blog. "I hope he doesn't draw a penis on my face though," she added with a frown, which caused us to launch into a round of hysterics. Of course Alice's worst nightmare would be to have the most infamous Internet gossip columnist draw a penis on her picture.

"Hey, sexy ladies, you shouldn't be standing on the street all by yourselves at this time of night. You never know who could be lurking about," Emmett said creepily as he ruffled our hair a bit.

"You mean someone like yourself?" I asked. "You're such a Chester the molestor."

"You got that right," Jasper said agreeing with me. We smiled and high-fived each other.

"You're the one dating a girl who looks like an elementary school student," Emmett retorted.

We all erupted into "oooh's," trying to egg on their little battle.

"No fighting; we all know what happens when we fight," Edward chastised the boys as he joined us. Our eyes locked again for half a second before we sheepishly looked away.

"Yeah, but remember that if you hadn't become an invalid, then this band would have never started," Ben mentioned.

"Ah, yes, my jealously of Bella being unwelcomingly kissed single handedly formed this band," he said as he smirked at me.

They all made puking noises and coupled up as we started to walk back to our hotel.

The apartment in San Francisco was no longer ours, since the album was , we would have to stay in a hotel and relocate whenever the boys played a show somewhere. So, tonight, we were stuck in Los Angeles.

We all walked in a sort of haphazard line, Edward and I stuck together in the back, but we were far enough from the others to have a private conversation.

"I meant every word I sang up there. You have my heart," Edward said, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk.

"I know," I responded as I took his hand in mine. He looked at our locked hands and smiled in surprise at my gesture. It was my way of telling him that we were okay even if there was a hell of a lot more to say. We would get there, but for now, it was nice to enjoy being able to touch him again.

We all went our separate ways once we reached the hotel. The couples all had their own rooms,but Edward and I each had or own separate room. I was relieved not to have to share a room with one of the couples. That would have been extremely awkward.

Edward had decided to walk me to my room. He kissed my forehead as he bid me goodnight.

Once the door was closed, I couldn't help but squeal in delight. But I recovered quickly.

"Get a fucking grip!" I chastised myself for losing it. I was fan girl-ing over Edward Cullen, which was extremely ridiculous.

I fell asleep quickly, dreams of Edward consuming me. My doorbell ringing awoke me around two in the morning. I threw the covers off my bed and grumbled angrily as I made my way to the door.

"You better have an amazing reason to wake me up—" I stopped short when I opened the door. Edward was standing in the doorway. His eyes were obviously red from crying, and his breathing was erratic.

"What's wrong?" I asked in panic, immediately stepping forward to comfort him.

"Everything!" he shouted which caused me to jump in surprise. He moved away from me and began to pace in front of the door. "Nothing ever fucking works out for me; I can't do anything right," he said as he ran his hands roughly through his hair. "I tried so hard not to feel this way about anyone, because it never does anyone good, but I can't fucking help it anymore. I can't."

"Edward, calm down," I said as I approached him. I'd seen him emotional before but never like this. It frightened me a little.

"I can't calm down, Bella!" he said as he stopped pacing and stood in front of me.

"Why?" I asked as I looked up into his tortured green eyes.

"Because I fucking love you," he said as he fell to his knees almost in relief, as if finally letting go and saying those words had lightened a burden he had been carrying. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I could feel his tears soaking through my pajamas as Edward rested his head against my stomach. I stood there in shock, not believing what I had just heard.

"What did you say?" I asked as I fell to my knees as well in front of him. We were facing each other. I stared deeply into his eyes, scrutinizing them. I wanted to be sure I heard him correctly. Make sure I hadn't just imagined it.

Edward pushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear and pressed his forehead against mine. Our noses were touching, and our eyes were trained on one another's. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

"I love you, Isabella."

* * *

_Edwards pov will explain everything clearer but the end of this chapter and the next have been in my head since I started this story. Lemon next chapter! review!_


	21. Wasted Time

I have been horribly busy lately since work is understaffed and I am moving into a new place. I hate having to make an excuse for myself but I've had no time to write :( I'm hoping to finish out the story soon and write another fic before I start the sequel to this.

A huge hug and thank you go to **MadeleineJade and Twilight-is-lovee** for their help and support.

You guys are the most amazing readers anyone could ask for and I want to thank you again for sticking with me on this journey.

**WARNING - LEMON IN THIS CHAPTER**

**All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

Things with Bella were finally falling into place. There were many words unsaid, but I knew that she was mine again, and this time, I wasn't going to fuck that up. I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to shake the urge to be near her. My cell phone started to buzz, and I assumed that it would be her calling.

"Hello, beautiful lady," I answered with a smile.

"Edward," she said with a heavy sigh, and my smile faltered. It was my mother, and she sounded like hell.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as I sat up in bed.

"No, it's your father. He's sick."

"Is it a cold? Do you need one of us to come help you around the house?" I asked hurriedly. My parents were currently living in California, and we were only a two-hour car ride away.

"No, honey, your father has cancer." Her voice cracked at the end, and I could tell that she was going to start crying.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," I said hastily as I jumped out of bed and ended the call.

After I was dressed, the weight of the situation hit dad was sick, and my mom was lost at the thought of losing the person she loved most in the world. Maybe loving someone was not always pain after all? What if you had to go through terrible shit to make it—love—worth it? Bella and I had been through a hell of a lot, and I knew I would forgive her for every mistake she made simply because I cared for her.

I made my way to her room, knowing my eyes were really fucking red because I had been crying. I had just gotten my family back, and I was already losing them. I knocked on her door, and waited for her to answer.

"You better have an amazing reason to wake me up—" She stopped suddenly when she took in my appearance. "What's wrong?" she asked as she took a step towards me.

A million thoughts ran through my head about my dad, about my feelings for Bella, all the fucked up shit that I had done to everyone. "Everything!" I shouted, and it broke my heart when she jumped in surprise as I had scared her.

"Nothing ever fucking works out for me; I can't do anything right," I said as I paced in front of her, running my hands through my hair. "I tried so hard not to feel this way about anyone, because it never does anyone good, but I can't fucking help it anymore. I can't." My resolve had broken. I didn't know exactly when it happened, just that it did. I loved her with every fiber of my fucking being.

"Edward, calm down," she said as she approached me again. I could see her hesitation. She had never seen me this way before, and I knew it worried her.

"I can't calm down, Bella!" I said as I finally stopped pacing the hallway.

"Why?" she asked as she looked into my eyes.

"Because I fucking love you," I said as I fell to my knees in front of her. I swear I could almost feel the weight being lifted off me as soon as the words fell from my lips. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her body closer, resting my head on her stomach. I couldn't help but let the tears flow again because I didn't just love Bella, but I loved my brother, my sister, my mother, and my father. Fuck, I even loved Rosalie and Jasper because they were my family, the people who would stand by me no matter what because they loved me.

"What did you say?" she asked as she fell to her knees in front of were now face-to-face, and I could see the hope in her eyes.

I pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear and pressed my forehead against hers. Our noses were touching, and our eyes were trained on one another's. I took a deep breath before I spoke.

"I love you, Isabella," I said with absolute certainty.

"I love you, too, Edward." I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Don't cry," I begged as I used my thumb to wipe a tear away.

"Say it again," she said, and I almost made a joke about asking if she wanted me to say 'don't cry' again, but I knew what she meant, and I didn't want to ruin the moment.

"I love you," I said as I placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Again," she said as she pressed her body against mine.

"I love you." I placed another kiss on her lips.

"Again." I could feel her heart beat racing against my chest.

"I love you"—another kiss on her lips—"I love you"—followed by more kisses until I couldn't repeat the words again because her tongue had met mine, and her hands were on my back trying to pull me as close as possible.

"Let's go inside," she said breathlessly when we finally pulled apart. I nodded and rose from my kneeling position on the hallway floor, following her silently into her room. Once the door was closed, our lips met again and again and again until, suddenly, we were on her bed. We lay on our sides, our lips never breaking apart. I shifted my hips and pushed her onto her back, my body rested between her open legs. I groaned when I met her center. I could feel her heat through my jeans.

Instinctively, I pushed forward, causing her to moan. I smirked and repeated the action as I began to place kisses all over her neck and collarbone.

"Edward," she gasped as she bucked her hips up to meet mine.

I moved away from her momentarily to look into her eyes, and I could see the same want and need that was in my own. She wanted _more _tonight, and I was going to give it to her. I knelt on the bed, and she did the same. I slowly began to undress myself, starting with my shirt and then my pants and boxers. She did the same until we were kneeling on her bed, completely naked in front of each other. Baring our souls and bodies to one another.

"I love you. You are so beautiful." I said as gently laid her back down on the bed, being careful to keep my weight off her. We both gasped when my erection met her center. I thrust my hips and moaned at the feeling. I wasn't even inside her yet, and she felt like heaven.

"Are you sure?" she asked as she looked up into my eyes. I didn't trust my voice, instead nodding in response.

She smiled lazily up at me and wiggled her hand down to my dick, guiding it into her. She poised me at her opening and left it up to me to follow through. The voice in my head kept chanting that I couldn't do this, I couldn't let my guard down, but I knew better. I loved this woman, and by some charity act of god, she loved me back, and I didn't want to hide from her. I wanted her to have all of me.

"You have my heart," I said as I thrust forward. My head fell to her shoulder as I tried to adjust to her feeling. She was so tight, warm, and so fucking wet.

"So good," I moaned as I began a steady rhythm. I tried my best to hold out for her, but the fact that I was a virgin, coupled with how amazing she felt, didn't help my situation much.

"Oh, Edward…" she gasped as she raised her hips with my thrusts.

"I… can't hold out much longer," I groaned as I began pumping into her faster.

"Just let go," she whispered as she began to swivel her hips a little.

That was my undoing.

Two more thrusts and I released inside of her, moaning her name and a few expletives at the same time. I shakily pulled out of her and lay on my back beside turned onto her side and pressed her body into me. I ran my fingers through her hair as I let the feeling of pure bliss overtake me.

"You were amazing," she said as she looked up at me.

"So were you, love. You were so damn tight, you sure you're not a virgin?" I asked jokingly, immediately regretting it when her face fell. I hoped she didn't think I was calling her a whore or something. She was biting her bottom lip. "Bella, I didn't mean…"

"No, I—" she paused and sat up "I was," she whispered and then looked down at me nervously. I was dumbstruck!

"Bella! How could you not tell me?Fuck. I would've been more gentle, made it more special." I had stupidly assumed that she had been with Jake, although I was extremely relieved that it wasn't the case, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I had assumed wrong. I knew I was wrong because of the way Bella looked. She couldn't tell a lie without giving herself away. Her acting skills were not that good. To think that all this time, she wanted her first time to be with me.

"It was special; you told me that you loved me. It didn't hurt because… Well, I'm not going into logistics."

"I do love you, more than even I can comprehend." I pulled her body to mine again, letting her head rest on my chest.

"I love you, Edward Cullen," she whispered.

"I love you too, Isabella Swan," I whispered in reply before we closed our eyes and let sleep overcome us.

* * *

_finally some fluff! Things with Edward and Bella are good for now but we have to deal with Carlisle being sick and Edward's emoness that will of course return because of it. Reviews help motivate me and I could sure as hell use some motivation._


	22. Epilogue:Frontier City

I hope this chapter brings some closure to this story, my plans on starting a sequel are not certain but I promise that I will at least write something new in the very near future.

Many thank you's go out to **MadeleineJade and Twilightislovee **this story wouldn't be the same without them.

**All Characters Belong to Stephenie Meyer and All Songs Belong To Kings Of Leon.**

* * *

The incessant beeping of the hospital machines had begun to drive me nuts, and at this point, I felt like all the music I made from here on out would be fucking inundated with their rhythm.

"Edward, let's go home," Bella said from the doorway of my father's hospital room. It had been two weeks since we arrived back in New York. His doctors had decided that he needed chemotherapy, and my parents insisted on moving to the city so that they could be closer to all of us. They had just finished surgically placing a tube inside his chest through which the chemo would be delivered. He would have to stay overnight and would be free to go home in the morning to his fancy, new, uptown penthouse.

"Okay," I answered as I stood from my chair and walked over to her. I wrapped my arms tightly around her little body and let out a sigh of relief as the warmth and scent of her comforted me. No matter how fucked up shit got in my life, I knew that she would be there for me. I could get through anything as long as Bella was my girl.

"I love you. He's going to be okay," she said as she rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"I know. Let's go home."

---

Upon arriving back in the city, I asked Bella to move in with me, as there was no point in keeping two apartments when we would always be together. She ultimately agreed. Angela and Ben took over the lease without question. Since we needed a fresh start, we had decided that moving to a new place would be good for us.

It only took a few days for us to find an apartment on the Upper East Side, which, automatically, came with some annoying comments about Gossip Girl from Alice. I didn't care where we lived as long as we lived together. Unfortunately, we got stuck on the 5th floor of a walk up, but the boys and I managed to move everything in one weekend. Emmett took credit for most of the work, though, claiming to have carried the entire loveseat up by himself.

I sat down in the brown chair that had made the move with us and picked up my guitar. It had been weeks since I had been able to write. As I began to strum my guitar, the words flew out effortlessly.

**Find yourself a new frontier**

**Cause life is going, going, gone**

**Fly yourself away from here 'til you're clear**

**Before it's going, going, gone**

**Say it loud and in the light**

**For it's going, going, gone**

**Shake the hands, the hands that pick people fight**

**Cause life is going, going, gone**

**Yes I'll find you and cut you down**

**Friends and neighbors, sleepy town**

**If you wake up before the blow**

**Pick your face up**

**We come, we go**

**We live until we live no more**

**Travel with the dead black eye**

**Before it's come and come and gone**

**Cradles and the rocking chairs beneath the light**

**Before it's come and come and gone**

**Yes I'll find you and cut you down**

**Friends and neighbors, sleepy town**

**If you wake up before the blow**

**Pick your face up**

**We come, and go**

**We come and go, oh, oh, oh**

**We come and go, oh, oh, oh, oh**

"That sounded incredible," she said as she took the guitar from my lap and gingerly leaned it against the side of the chair. She sat down on my lap sideways, with her feet resting upon the armrest, and snuggled into my chest, her tiny arms wrapping around my neck as she inhaled and then exhaled with a tiny sigh.

"You're beautiful." I placed a soft kiss on the top of her head as I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her body as close to mine as possible.

"Can we go for a walk in Central Park in the morning?" One of the many perks to our apartment was that we lived two blocks away from the Conservatory Gardens in Central Park. We had discussed the possibility of getting a dog so that we could enjoy walking in the park more often.

"Anything you want, love." She had no idea how much I meant that. Bella owned my heart so completely that I was at her fucking mercy for the rest of my life.

"Let's go to sleep," she yawned as I placed my hands under her ass and in the crook of her knees to lift her up and carry her to our bedroom. I had high hopes for the night. Bella and I had yet to have sex again since the night I found out about my father, not for lack of wanting to, but it just never felt right.

"I want you tonight," she whispered in my ear before nibbling on my lobe gently. I faltered a bit, but caught myself on the doorframe to our room.

"Fuck, you have no idea," was my response as I gently laid her down on the bed. As I watched her undress herself, her warm brown eyes never letting go of mine, I guessed that there would be little foreplay tonight.

"Are you going to just watch me or are you going to get naked, too?" she asked as she shimmed her pants down her hips. I needed no encouragement after that to remove my clothing completely.

I watched in awe as she removed her lingerie and climbed under the covers. The fact that I knew she was naked under there drove me fucking nuts. I hurriedly pulled my boxers down and climbed under the covers like a scared, insecure girl. No matter how much I opened up to her, the thought of her sizing me up scared the shit out of me. When I discussed my fear of being naked in front of my girl to Emmett and Jasper, they laughed for a good twenty minutes before Em called me a pansy and told me to man up. Jasper agreed with a nod, and that was the end of that conversation and the last time I'd ever go to either of them for advice.

I lay on my side and gently pulled her body up against mine. I could already feel the warmth and wetness from her center as she pressed herself against my leg. Needing no further encouragement, I used my body to push her onto her back, my body settling over hers. There were no words that needed to be said as I guided myself into her. It had been weeks since I first felt her warmth surrounding me, and in that moment, I vowed I would never go that long without her ever again.

"You feel so good," I groaned as I thrust into her.

"Ow," she whispered almost inaudibly. I immediately stopped my movements and pulled out almost all the way before she held my hips in place.

"Am I hurting you?" I asked. I would rather die before I put her through any physical pain.

"I… there's just not enough… um…" she stuttered as she tried to find an explanation.

"Bella, it's me. I love you; just tell me what's wrong"

"Not enough foreplay?" she said whispered. That's when it hit me. She was trying to explain that she wasn't, for the lack of a better word, wet enough. I hadn't noticed, but then again, I was a fucking dude. Anything remotely moist and warm felt good on my dick.

I nodded in understanding as I began to thrust into her shallowly at first, my head falling to capture her right nipple in my mouth. She gasped softly, and I could immediately feel the wetness surging from her. I continued to nip, suck, and tease her breast and neck as I thrust deeper. Her moans were louder, and as my hips slammed against hers, I could feel how much wetter she was. I was worried that I was being too rough until she placed her hands on my hips and pulled me into her body as hard as she could.

"Fuck me, Edward," she moaned as she thrust her hips up. Her words cemented the fact that I couldn't last much longer, but I wouldn't deny her pleasure before I found my own this time.

"Are you close?" I asked as I reached between us to rub her clit. She nodded immediately and began to circle her hips. The change in the angle almost made me cum right then and there.

"Please don't move, baby," I instructed her as my head feel into the crook of her neck. My thrusting had come to a halt as I continued to rub her furiously. I knew that one more thrust was all I needed, and I couldn't let myself disappoint her for the second time.

"Oh, right there! Don't stop. So fucking close," she moaned breathlessly as I felt her walls begin to clench around me "I'm gonna…" she finished her sentence by sucking in her breath as he lips formed a little O. I would have thought the face was adorable if it weren't for the fact that her pussy was contracting around me, giving me the most intense pleasure of my fucking life.

"Shit, Bella," I groaned as I roughly thrust into her three times without any rhythm before spilling my seed inside of her.

I kissed her forehead gently before pulling out of her and lying on my back beside her. She turned onto her side and pressed the length of her body against me, resting her head upon my chest.

"I love you," I whispered as I rubbed circles on her lower back.

She nodded and yawned, too wrapped up in her post coital bliss to respond. I gave myself a mental high five for that one.

---

In the morning, we awoke still wrapped up in each other. We eventually got up, albeit reluctantly. Knowing we'd be spending the morning together made it infinitely easier to let Bella out of my arms, and once we were up, it didn't take much time for us to get ready for our walk in the park. Bella could be what the girls called high maintenance at times as far as dressing up to the nines. She liked to look good, and that was more than fine by me, but this morning she was pretty low key. Even in sweat pants, though, my girl looked beautiful.

We walked to the park in silence, her tiny hand gripping mine as we entered through the gates of the gardens. She would always let out a gentle sigh at the sight before us. The sprawling green grass and water fountain always reminded her of Pride and Prejudice. She said she could picture Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth having a picnic there or some shit like that.

"Edward, I have to tell you something," she said as she took a seat on one of the benches we happened upon.

"You can tell me anything," I responded as I took a seat next to her and pulled her hands into my own. My mind began going through a list of all the horrible things she could have done. The first thing was cheat, but it didn't fucking matter what she did, because we would work through it. I loved her, and my life would be shit without her.

"I don't know how it happened. I feel so stupid," she said as she stared at the ground, her hands breaking from mine to play with a loose thread on her sweatpants.

"Bella, just tell me. Please."

She looked up at me, tears threatening to spill over her eyes, and spoke.

"I'm pregnant," was all she said before I stood up from the bench and began pacing before her.

"How could you do this to me? I thought I was your first, or did you fuck Jacob while I was at the hospital with my dad? I can't believe this."

"What the hell is the matter with you?" she asked through clenched teeth. She was angry, obviously, but was trying to keep her voice even so as not to create a scene. "I haven't fucked anyone but you! I'm not one of your whores, Edward; I would never cheat on you. Is that how little you think of me?" Bella's gaze was aimed away from me as she crossed her arms over her chest. She was biting her bottom lip so hard trying to fight the tears that were still brimming, creating a glassy-eyed look from the angle her face was turned.

I kneeled before her and pulled her into a hug. Of course I would jump to the wrong conclusion, as usual. Leave it to me to yell at my girlfriend after she tells me that she's pregnant.

"I'm sorry. You just fucking surprised the shit out of me. We only had sex once before last night. I thought you were on birth control. I didn't know, I'm sorry." Bella's head rested on my chest for what seemed like forever. She had yet to say anything more. I wondered if I'd just fucked up again with Bella. Me and my stupid, paranoid mind out to sabotage the only good thing in my life. Her silence was killing me. My thoughts took another pessimistic turn. What if Bella was sick of me being such a headcase? Didn't want to expose our kid to such...I don't know...psychosis? I suddenly was afraid of losing her.

"I'm scared," she said as she exhaled a deep breath. Her voice was sounded so small, it nearly broke my heart.

I pushed her body away from mine gently and kept my hands rested on her shoulders as I looked into her eyes.

"I promise you that I will always love you, and I am going to take care of you and this baby. We always end up doing things in a fucked up order, but I'm going to try my best to not be a fuck up anymore. You deserve better. Hell, this baby deserves better," I vowed. I was scared as hell myself, but it was time to man up and be the man that Bella and our baby needed me to be.

"I love you," she said as she pressed her lips against mine. The passion with which I returned that kiss underscored the promises I had just made. I could not, would not, let Bella or the baby down.

I knew then that this year would be a life altering one. Only By The Night's album release was around the corner, along with the start of the worldwide tour. Now I had to factor being a father into everything. I had no idea how I would manage it all, but with Bella in my life, it all seemed somehow possible.

* * *

_now that I am settled into my new place I hope to get back to my regular writing schedule, so let me know if you'd like a new story or a sequel perhaps. Reviews would be incredible. _


	23. Sequel:Because Of The Times

The sequel to L**amb On The Lam (In The City)** has finally arrived, please check out **Because Of The Times**!


End file.
